Hearing her talk ripped my heart into a thousand pieces. I can't believe that I caused her so much pain. I have done this to her. The best thing would be for me to admit that I don't deserve her and walk away, but that would just hurt her again. No, I need to give her a chance to take whatever she needs from me.

I really am the biggest arsehole on the planet.

18

Time After Time

Amelia

Smutty’s tail whacks me in the face. He isn’t the easiest bedfellow. I press the button on top of the alarm clock and the numbers light up. It’s just after one a.m., which means I have been tossing and turning for three hours now and I’m nowhere near sleepy. The look on Ben’s face scared me. He looked ready to walk away from all of this and I wasn’t lying when I said that I haven’t ever felt myself as much as I did in the moments when I submitted to him.

The memory of his lips on mine and his fingers and… It makes my clit tingle and I press my legs together to subdue the need. I still feel raw from the conversation earlier and what I need now is to feel good. I need him.

“Smutty, stay here,” I whisper and slide from the bed. My little black shadow couldn’t care less and continues to snooze. When I reach my bedroom door I hesitate for a moment. This is insane. But it’s what I want. I want this so much. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I’m wearing an oversized T-shirt that hangs off me like a sack. Not really sexy.

I tiptoe to the chest of drawers and dig around. Aha! I knew I had packed that soft black nighty. As I take my shirt off and slip the nighty on, my eyes fall on the plain blue knickers I’m wearing.

I slide them off as well and dig in the drawer again until I find the green lacy ones. I don’t tend to wear them because they’re uncomfortable and a bit too tight, but, with some luck I won’t be wearing them for long.

I slide them up one leg before stepping into them with the other foot. Somehow, I underestimate how much smaller they are then my normal ones. My toe gets tangled in the lace and I hobble on one leg trying to free the other. In my attempt, I lose balance and crash against the small chest of drawers, slamming it against the wall behind it. A bottle of hand cream falls over with a loud bang. I freeze, knickers halfway up both legs, and listen out to see if the noise has woken Ben. But there is just silence in the house. I give it a few seconds whilst my heart hammers like crazy, but when everything remains silent I pull the knickers all the way up and look at myself in the mirror.

Okay, sure, yes, kind of cute, but still me. I rub my upper arm where I crashed into the chest of drawers. I’m sure I’m going to have a bruise in the morning.

“Wish me luck, Smutty,” I whisper before slipping through the open door into the dark corridor. When I get to Ben’s bedroom door I listen again for any noises but there are none. Of course, that perfect bastard isn’t snoring.

I gently press the handle down and push the door open. His curtains are ajar and a glow from the street light is falling through the window. I take a few steps closer to the bed.

What am I doing? I should just leave. But I can’t tear my eyes away from Ben’s sleeping form. His strong, muscular body is sprawled out beneath the covers and soft breaths escape his parted lips.

I take another hesitant step forward, the floor creaking under my weight. Ben stirs slightly, his brow furrowing as he senses my presence. Panic sets in, and I turn to retreat to the safety of my own room.

“Amelia?” His voice is groggy with sleep, but it stops me in my tracks.

I turn slowly to face him, unable to meet his gaze. “I... uh... I was looking for Smutty,” I stammer. Come on! That’s the best you could think of?

His eyes narrow slightly as he studies me. “Smutty? In here?” He glances around the room before settling his gaze on me.

“Yup, you remember, black little furball,” I joke nervously.

“You mean like the one sitting behind you in the corridor,” Ben grins. I whip my head around and see the little traitor looking at us expectantly to see what all the kerfuffle is about.

“Oh. I’m sorry, my mistake,” I mumble, avoiding his gaze. “I’ll just go.”

Before I can make another move towards the door, Ben is on his feet and crossing the room towards me. My heart races at his proximity, and all thoughts of leaving evaporate.

He stands before me, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body. “Amelia,” he says softly, lifting a hand to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. “You don’t have to go. If you want this, I’m all yours, but this is your call .”

His touch sends shivers down my spine and I look up at him through lowered lashes. The air crackles with tension as we stand there in silence. I walk past him, gently closing the door to the corridor, a silent promise that I'm not going anywhere. My heart races with anticipation; yes, I'm choosing this. When I turn, Ben stands before me, his gaze filled with longing and desire.

Slowly, oh so slowly, his hand slides down from my hair to the curve of my neck. His fingers stroke lightly over my skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

“Please, Ben,” is all I say.

I close my eyes at his touch, a soft sigh escaping my lips. His gaze darkens with desire as he watches my reaction and I can feel the heat pooling between my thighs.

Taking my words as the invitation they were meant to be, Ben’s other hand grasps the hem of my nighty. He tugs it upwards, exposing the bare skin of my stomach inch by agonising inch.

I raise my arms obediently as he pulls the shirt over my head and tosses it aside. Standing before him in nothing but the pair of too-tight knickers, I feel exposed and vulnerable under his intense scrutiny.

His eyes roam over my body, taking in every curve and dip. “You’re fucking beautiful,” he growls, his voice thick with desire. “And you’re all mine.”

“You don’t need to say that,” I whisper.

“I’m not just saying it.” He grabs my hand and places it on his chest, right above this heart. “Feel that?” His heart is racing and I take comfort from it. “Or this?” he adds and places my hand on his erection. “That’s all you Amelia.”

I can’t stop a smile forming on my lips at his words and I feel ready to surrender to him completely. This is what I’ve wanted, what I’ve craved ever since he returned to my life. We are travelling on a dangerous path but in the moment I couldn’t care less about possible future heartache.

Ben’s hands are on me again, tracing a trail down from my collarbone to the swell of my breasts. He cups them in his hands, kneading them gently as he thumbs over my hardened nipples.

A moan escapes me and he smirks as he continues to explore my body with his hands and mouth. He leaves hot kisses along the valley between my breasts before moving lower to nuzzle against the fabric of my knickers.

“Spread your legs for me,” he commands, his voice rough with need.

I do as he says without hesitation, parting my legs slightly to give him better access. He tugs on my knickers and they slide to the floor.

“Step,” he makes me lift my legs so he can remove them.

I stand before him completely naked, my body on display for his pleasure. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, and yet it’s the most exhilarating feeling in the world.

He kneels before me, his eyes locked with mine as he traces a path up the inside of my thigh with his fingers.

“Tell me what you want,” he says in a low and commanding tone.

“I want... I want you to touch me again,” I whisper, my voice barely audible.

A predatory smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he leans forward to press a kiss against the apex of my thighs. “With pleasure,” he murmurs against my skin.

His tongue darts out to trace a slow circle around my clit, and I gasp at the sensation. He teases me mercilessly with his tongue, flicking back and forth over my sensitive bud, until I’m worried my legs will give out. I slide my fingers through his hair before holding on to his shoulders.

I moan loudly as he sucks my clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue in a maddeningly delicious rhythm. The pleasure builds within me, threatening to consume me completely. Although what he’s doing is not so different from what he did at the wedding, it feels so different. I feel closer to him now. I feel like I know him better. I trust him… more.

“Fuck,” I cry out as the first waves of an orgasm crash over me. Ben holds me steady with one hand on my hip as he continues to devour me. I lose myself in the intensity of it all, enjoying every second of my release as it sets every nerve ending in my body on fire.

“Ben, I need you. I need more. I need you completely,” I beg. Ben licks a trail back up over my tummy before cupping my face and kissing me hard. His tongue dips into my mouth and I moan. He walks me backwards until I feel the edge of the bed on the back of my legs.

I slide onto the mattress and get on all fours. Ben looks at me but doesn’t stop me as I reach out and pull his shorts down. His dick springs free and points at me. I’m not sure what’s come over me because I’ve always hated doing this but somehow, with Ben, I love it. I feel an incredible desire when he looks at me with a glow on his face.

“Are you sure?” he asks.