I can’t wait to pick Amelia up and head home. It’s been a long day of interviews for the new general manager and it showed me why we need someone in place sooner rather than later. I have no patience for long work days anymore.
Amelia moved back to her flat three weeks ago but we’ve still spent almost every night together. Furball has stayed as well because she can’t leave him alone. I even got him a litter box and some toys so Amelia has less to carry back and forth.
Talking of Furball, he'll be waiting for us. I've got to confess, Smutty has wriggled his way into my heart, which Amelia loves to tease me about ever since she caught us last week. Furball's figured out that my body gives off the warmth he craves when he's asleep. He's got a thing for snuggling up inside my zip-up hoodie whenever I wear one. Do I find myself wearing them more often now because of him? Maybe, but I won't own up to that. Amelia returned from her spa day with the girls earlier than expected and caught me lounging on the sofa watching rugby with a big lump under my hoodie. And, of course, the moment she stepped in, the little rascal poked his head out of the top of the zip. It was like a feline reenactment of that scene in Alien.
There is no hiding it: I love him. Almost as much as I love her. I can feel a frown form on my face. I try to not let it bother me that when I tell her that I love her she doesn’t say it back. I know she has issues and she needs to work her way through them in her own time. But I can’t help the twinges of disappointment when the words don’t come.
Omar indicates right and we pull up outside Amelia's workplace. Coop and I had a chat and decided we'll need to let Omar go once we hire a general manager. We're planning to cut back our hours significantly and it makes no sense to keep two drivers. We haven’t told Omar yet and, I'm not keen to break the news. I'm still scrambling to work out how to keep him around until at least next year when he wraps up his degree. Chances are he'll be off doing bigger and better things by then anyway.
“She should be out soon,” I tell him as I text Amelia that we are outside. I don’t even get a chance to send the message before she pulls the door open.
“Hi Omar,” she grins before placing a semi-passionate kiss on my lips. Not enough heat to embarrass Omar, but enough to tell me that she too can’t wait to get home. Sorry Furball, you’re going to have a solo evening tonight.
“Good day?” I ask her.
“Meh, work,” she replies with a shrug. I suggested once that she could leave her job and I’d support her until she found something she enjoys. The explosion was epic and I won’t open that can of worms ever again. Apparently, she can look out for herself.
She curls up in my arms and that tells me more than she could know. When she’s needy for my touch she’s had another frustrating day. Richard, the wanker, probably gave her shit again. Whenever that happens, she needs some silent time in my arms because I’m her safe place. I guess telling me this is almost the same as telling me she loves me. Stop obsessing about that tiny detail. I know my brain is right, but I can’t help it. I’m dying to hear her say it because I know what a big deal it would be.
The front door falls heavily into the lock. I wink at Amelia as I drop my keys into the little bowl on the side table.
“Master kept his submissive waiting,” a voice purrs behind me. Then, all falls quiet. Gina stands there in the doorway to the living room, clad in nothing but some lacy knickers and a bra. Amelia and I are caught off guard, frozen in place, our eyes locked on her. Gina gasps, eyes wide with shock.
"Gina?" I manage to shake off my stupor. What is wrong with her? I would have thought after the disaster with my sister she’d have learned to not rock up at my house half-naked.
“Oh, shit, Ben, sorry, I didn’t know,” Gina flinches as she nods at Amelia. “Hi, nice to meet you,” she waves awkwardly and tries to slide her body out of sight.
“How did you get in here?”
“Your housekeeper remembered me,” she says sheepishly. “Let me just grab some clothes.” She holds up a finger to indicate one minute before returning to the living room.
“Amelia.” I turn her and get her to look at me. “I don’t know what she’s doing here. I swear.” I’m not sure why I immediately feel guilty because I’ve done nothing wrong but I’m painfully aware of what this looks like.
“Who is she?” Amelia whispers. She is pale and I definitely detect some sadness in her expression.
“Someone I dated casually in the past. We were more fuck buddies than actually dating, I haven’t seen or been in touch with her in months,” I try to explain with a neutral tone, desperate to hide any hint of panic. The last thing I want is for her to misinterpret it. The fear of losing her looms over me every single day, but it's never felt as intense as it does right now.
“He’s right, I’m so sorry about this all. He didn’t know I was planning to come over.” Gina steps back into the corridor, now fully dressed. “Hi, I’m Gina.” She holds out her hand to Amelia, who shakes it like it’s the last thing in the world she wants to touch.
“Gina this is Amelia, my girlfriend,” I introduce them. I gently rub Amelia’s back to reassure her but she steps from my reach. Shit!
“Ben and I would… you know,” Gina blushes, “whenever neither of us was in a relationship and Ben hasn’t really been dating much. I broke up with someone a month ago and I thought I’ll surprise him. I didn’t know that he was seeing someone. I promise.” She laughs nervously as Amelia stares at her. “Oh wait, is that THE Amelia,” Gina lights up and when I nod, she adds to Amelia, “I’ve heard so much about you. Oh, my god, I’m so happy for you, Ben.”
Amelia’s stony expression tells Gina that she really doesn't have any interest in continuing the conversation.
“Well, I’ll head out then. Again, I’m really sorry. Adorable cat,” Gina rambles on before squeezing past us in the tight corridor and heading to the door.
“Amelia, I’m really, really sorry. I swear, I didn’t know he’s in a relationship and he had no idea I was planning to come,” Gina whispers before giving us a last wave and leaving the house.
The minute we are alone I turn to Amelia. “Can we talk about this?” I start.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You clearly didn’t know. It’s fine,” Amelia brushes me off and heads towards the back of the cottage, calling out for Furball.
“Amelia—”
“It’s fine,” she interrupts me, but I can see on her face that it isn’t fine. I don’t think she disbelieves me but something has shifted and I feel a sense of doom. Fuck!
Smutty, as always oblivious to anything that doesn’t concern him, rubs up to us as we make our way to the kitchen. He wolfs down his dinner and soaks up all the pats and scratches he can get. He absolutely enjoys being the buffer between us.
Amelia is trying to act normally but the darkness in her eyes tells me that her brain is working overtime. I’ve asked her if she’s okay a few more times and all I’ve got was a short yes. I can’t convince her that there’s nothing to worry about if she shuts me out.
Now she is upstairs having a bath and I’m defrosting some beef stew even though I have no appetite. I wish she’d just tell me what’s going on in her head so I could show her she has nothing to worry about. She is my life; she is my love.
The microwave beeps, and I jab the button with irritation as if it's the kitchen gadget's fault. When I yank the pot out, the makeshift cover I plonked on top decides to make a run for it. Steam billows into my hand, triggering a reflex that makes me jerk back. The pot escapes my grip, meets the floor with a resounding crash, and sprays beef stew all over the place―including my trousers.
“Fuck!” I shout. Furball jumps and is about to run from the kitchen when he spots one of the pieces of meat on the floor.
“Oh my god what happened?” Amelia asks from behind me. She manages to grab Smutty before he can sprint through the sauce in search for more meat and spread the disaster even further. She drops him into the corridor and closes the kitchen door on him. His little head pops up in the glass panel and he starts caterwauling.
“I dropped the food,” I say like the bomb site needs an explanation.
“Wait, don’t move,” Amelia orders. There is beef sauce dripping from my trousers and I’m surrounded by a puddle of it. Amelia quietly starts mopping up our dinner and when she eventually gets to me she makes me take off my trousers.
“Did you burn yourself?” she asks as she gently touches my shins.
“No,” I grumble. I can see red spots where the stew-soaked trousers have heated up my skin but it’s not bad. Amelia takes my trousers to the utility room whilst I head upstairs to get clean clothes.
Smutty shoots pass me into the kitchen the minute I open the door and starts sniffing the floor, probably disappointed that he can’t snag more premium beef.
When I get to the bedroom I take a deep breath. I need to get her to open up to me. My muscles are tense from anxiety. I decide to take a quick shower and after trying to relax under the hot water, I get dressed and head back down with a renewed determination to get her to talk to me.
I’m about to follow the noise of Amelia tinkering in the kitchen when my eyes fall on her suitcase. It’s standing next to the door with the cat carrier.
“Amelia,” I call out with my heart racing.
“Are you okay?” she asks with concern when she sees me. No, I’m not okay.
“Are you going somewhere?” My voice sounds harsher than I meant it to and I notice her flinch.
“Ben, I… we haven’t been home in ages. I thought it would be a good time for me and Smutty to sleep at home tonight and check… the flat.” She avoids my eyes.
“There is nothing between me and Gina. Yes, we dated in the past, but we haven’t in a long time. I didn’t know she was coming over.” I cup her face and make her look at me.
“I know.” She sounds small and sad when she replies. “I just―I just need to check on my flat.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I say, frustrated. She just shrugs. I wish she’d let me in. I feel so helpless. If she’s not willing to talk about it there is nothing I can do.
“Oh my god we’re just not staying here for one night. You won’t die,” she lashes out and I immediately see guilt on her face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… Just give me a few days.”
