I raise my head to look at her, still keeping a lid on everything that I’m feeling. I speak softly and delicately. “I would advise killing me, Portia. Because when I get my strength back, when I get my head in order… I’m going to kill you.”
She regards me coolly. “You keep looking for a bit of spirit, Ramya. Then, that might actually sound believable.”
She quits the room and locks us in together. Just the three of us alone in the fading light. I use every ounce of power I have to crawl over to Murrey, ignoring Alona completely.
“Hey, friend,” I say quietly, feeling relief at seeing him alive but devastation at how weak he has become. “Sorry I took so long to get here. But I’m here now. It’s all okay.”
“Ramya,” he says, and his voice is barely there. I touch his cheek and his shaking hand covers my fingers. “I think I…I think I look a bit of a state.”
“No, you look great,” I lie. It is such a ridiculous fib, we both laugh. Very wearily. “You look more like how I thought Vampires really look. Remember?”
“Yes,” he says, and his faint laughter becomes a deep cough. I try to hide my worry. “Back in the library.”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Oh,” his coughs subside and his face crumples. “I wish I could be back in the library now.”
A tear pools and I nod. “Me, too, Murrey. I wish we could be back with the books.”
“How’s your book coming along?” he coughs. “Lots of Hidden Folk in Loch Ness, I bet.”
“Oh,” I clutch his hand and look down at our interlaced fingers. “Lots. Some you wouldn’t believe.”
He smiles faintly. “I can’t wait to read it.”
I force myself to find some mettle and plaster on a grin, one that simply can’t reach my eyes. “Me neither, I hope you like it.”
His smile diminishes. “Thing is…I don’t know if I’ll make it out of this place.”
“Yes, you will,” I reply, completely resolute. “You will. Do you need blood? You can have mine.”
“No,” he says. “I would never…I would die before hurting my friend.”
He closes his eyes and his breathing settles. I
check his pulse and I’m relieved to feel it beating,
albeit slowly. He’s just resting. I sit back on my heels and exhale.
Still ignoring the traitor in the room.
“Ramya—”
“Don’t speak to me. I’m thinking about how me and my friend are going to get out of here.”
“I’m so sorry. They said they would hurt us if I didn’t. The Fae, they were so—”
“I’m not interested,” I say, while examining the door. “No. Wait. I’m lying. How long have you been talking to them about us? Since the very beginning? When you pulled Marley out of the loch—”
“Not then,” she says, eyes brimming. “When I couldn’t find the house anymore…recently—”
“Stop, I don’t care,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “Your maker is a monster, by the way. He killed my aunt—”
The words are spoken so casually until a sob bursts free from my throat and I’m doubled over.
I gasp and then shake myself back into trying to pick the lock. “I hate all of this. I hate…living through whatever this is. This war she’s decided to thrust all of us into.”
“Maybe…maybe we don’t have to get involved,” Alona whispers frantically. “She just wants to keep humans in order, maybe—”
“No. She’s hurting Hidden Folk so she can go unchallenged. Doing nothing, hiding out, that’s basically taking her side. Letting her get away with it. I won’t do that.”
“You’re far braver than I am.”
I stop what I’m doing for a second, anger bubbling up, but I force it down. “Yes. I am. I would never do to you what you’ve done to us.”
Opal told me that forgiving people would set me free. Right at this moment, forgiveness does not sit anywhere in my body. My clumsy hands fumble with what I’m trying to do, they slip and scratch, and my speech is slow and unsteady.
If she wants me to forgive anyone, she can come back from wherever she is and tell me so herself. She can give me that withering look and that sarcastic tone and I won’t complain.
I just want her here. I want all of her here.
“Opal gave her life,” I finally say. I fall away from the door and look down at my shaking hands. “That’s bravery. Putting yourself in front of someone else without thinking. And what did I do? Let myself get kidnapped and dragged here.”
I press my fingers against my eyes and try to push out the wet sting.
“This is all my fault. Everything. She just wanted me to stay in one place and get really good. As good as her, like she thought I could be. But I just wanted to fix everything. I never…I never actually stopped and thought about if I was the right person to do it. If I had the capacity, if I had the ability.”
I look over at sleeping Murrey and then back to the door, which seems impossible right at this moment. Heavy and unyielding.
