I couldn’t even pretend that I didn’t know what the conversation was going to be, and Allison, ever so nice for her own good, was indulging me by not saying anything. When we settled down on the couch, the silence that enveloped us felt loud enough.
It’s my sister, and I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt this uncomfortable. Or if I’ve felt this uncomfortable around her. The answer swirled around my head. A no.
“Alright,” Allison said, collecting the glass, and placing it on the table next to my untouched pizza.
“What is going on? Out with it.”
“Nothing is going on.”
“I really thought you’d talk to me about it, and I tried to give you the space you needed, but now, I’m starting to think that was a mistake on my part. Is it Aurora? Is she saying something? Is Mom backing her up again?”
I started to shake my head, but Allison didn’t seem to care much about it because she carried on talking.
“I swear that girl needs a stern talking to, and you keep talking nicely to her. That’s why she hasn’t gotten the message yet. You need to talk to her, and threaten her with a restraining order if you must. And if Mom says something, just let me know; I’ll be sure to let her know that you’re old enough to handle your business since you seem to want to take care of their feelings when they have no regard for yours. And why would you even -”
“I like Fiona,” I said, and watched as my sister stopped talking, opening it and closing it repeatedly as all words seemed to escape her. I took the opportunity to say what I wanted to say before she found the words to express herself. “When I said that there was someone I liked, I was talking about Fiona. And I know she’s your friend, but I can’t control how I feel.”
It was my turn to ramble, and I wouldn’t stop until my sister understood how powerless I felt against this emotion that I had nursed in my heart. Until she understood that I wanted to cling to the emotion for even longer.
“I know that Fiona is your best friend, but I really do like her. I watch her every day when she comes by for work. I want to hold her and hear all about her day. I want to know what she’s up to at every point of the day. I want -”
“You should tell her, Christian,” Allison said, cutting me off. “I’m not the one to whom you should be saying all those words. You should call her, or even better yet, go to her house and tell her all about it.”
“And if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“I swear you both are getting-” she allowed the words to stop flowing before she shook her head and looked at me with a pointed look. “Do you want to go through life wondering what would have happened if you stopped being a scaredy cat and told the girl you like that you like her?”
“No?”
“Of course you don’t,” Allison said, and nodded like a pleased teacher. “Listen, while it’s great that you feel this greatly for Fiona, it’s not fair to you or her if you let Aurora keep walking around your life like she owns it.”
“I’ve done everything I could possibly do. I’ve told her that we would never work out, but she still doesn’t want to listen to me.”
“You should keep saying it until she gets used to it. Until she accepts it. I know you’re my brother, but Fiona doesn’t deserve to get dragged into your drama. She deserves better because she’s my best friend too. And I won’t tolerate it if you did anything to hurt her.”
“I’m not going to hurt her,” I said, squinting at my sister. “Why are you not freaking out? I just admitted to liking Fiona.”
Allison shrugged. “Have you seen the way you are around her? The rest of the world fades away when she’s by your side. And you always want her to be everywhere with you. I’ll take a chance and guess that you invited her to dinner.”
I looked down at my hands, unable to believe I was that obvious. “I didn’t know I was being obvious about it. Do you think she noticed?”
Allison scoffed at this. “I don’t know how she managed to not know. That is, in and of itself, a miracle. But I suppose it means that you’re both suited for each other. After all, you know what they said about birds of the same feather.”
I had no idea what she meant by that. All I knew was I was going to miss my sister when she went back.
****
The second time I opened the door after a knock, I found Fiona standing there with a smile on her face. She’s wearing a big shirt with a university name printed on it, and gray sweatpants. It’s a different attire from what I’ve seen her in before, so it takes me a while to react.
“I was going to call, but my phone died,” Fiona offered me an explanation, “and Allison said she’s too tired to hang out, and I figured since I was already out of the house, I should head over here and see if you’d like some company.”
I didn’t realize I was taking too long to reply until Fiona took an unsure step backward. “I can leave if you’re not feeling up to it.”
I stepped back to make room for her to come in, “I don’t mind the company, and you came just in time. I was just about to decide on a movie to watch.”
Which was absolutely not what I was doing. However, a movie sounded like something we could both commit to without thinking too much. So, a movie was what we were going to focus on, and maybe I wouldn’t do anything stupid like blurt out how I felt about her even though I was certain that was what my sister intended.
I led Fiona to the living room, glad I was walking ahead because the smile on my face was so large it could pass as the Cheshire cat’s grin.
“You want a drink?”
“Water is fine.”
I nodded and walked off to get her water. My thoughts were spiraling again. What if I said something stupid? What if I didn’t meet her expectations?
Fiona had already picked out the movie when I returned. It didn’t look like anything I’d ever seen, so I pretended to be focused on the screen when I handed the water to her. I played it off even more by taking the space next to her and pretending my heart was not hammering away.
We didn’t say anything to each other as we sat watching the movie, except I spent all the time looking over at her. If asked about it, I couldn’t say a single part of the movie. I gave up pretending I cared about the movie.
“Any reason you were wandering around at night?”
Fiona sighed loudly. “I’m trying to convince myself of something, but I’m scared it’ll be a mistake. A lot is riding on making the right call.”
I nodded because that was a sentiment I could relate to. “I know how you feel.”
I felt her shift beside me, and I turned my head to find her looking at me. The light from the television was the only source of light in the living room, and they fell beautifully on her face. The voices from the movie faded into the background, and unable to help myself, my eyes fell down to her lips.
Fiona’s tongue darted out to lick her lips. I could not say what I was thinking when I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. The contact was brief, but it felt long enough for me to feel how soft her lips were on mine and her breath on mine.
