But I also hope I won’t have to. Because the more I’m with him, the more I want to know him. Not who he is on the surface, but who he is at his core. And then maybe—just maybe—I could remove my mask and let him get to know me in the same way.
His fingers trace lazy patterns on my back as he stares up at the ceiling and contemplates his answer. “I’m different from my brothers in many ways,” he says finally, “but the biggest one that not many see is how we feel about this place. For reasons I can’t explain, this has never truly felt like home for me. It’s where I was born, and yet I feel every bit as displaced as fae who were banished from Faerie some four hundred years ago.”
He releases a long, slow breath that sounds like audible frustration, or maybe resignation for his situation, and it makes my chest tight with sympathy for him.
“There’s a hole deep inside of me where Faerie should be; the place I belong. And no matter how hard I’ve tried to fill it with things in my life here, it never seems to go away.”
“I’m sorry, Finn, I didn’t realize. I just assumed since you were born here…” Guilt turns my stomach sour. “I can’t imagine what you must think of me for leaving.”
He shifts out from under me to raise up on his forearm, looking down on me in earnest. “I think you must have a damn good reason. One you don’t need to explain or justify to me. Your lived experiences are your own, Taryn. I would never judge you for them.”
Dipping his head, he places a soft kiss on my lips, and something unlocks inside me. Something that whispers encouragement to share even a part of my past with him. And so, taking a steadying breath, I do.
“The Summer Court has always been a matriarchy, so from the time I was born, my future was laid out for me. Eventually, I was to ascend as the Fire Fae’s new queen, while my mother remained the One True Ruler. But back then, I had no interest in playing the part of a royal. I much preferred exploring the woods with Devlyn.”
“And Devlyn was your loyal dog?” he asks with a seemingly hopeful arch of his brow, making me laugh.
“Are you acting jealous over who I spent my time with over five centuries ago? Because that’s not a good look, Verran.”
“Of course not, because that would be ridiculous. I was merely attempting to fill in the details of the story.”
“Well, keep quiet or I won’t tell you the story,” I say playfully.
“Got it. Please continue.” He lowers himself next to me again, so I arrange myself to match. We’re on our sides in the middle of his giant bed with our faces only inches apart. It feels intimate, like we’re in our own little bubble, which is appropriate for sharing one’s secrets.
“Devlyn was…” Resting my cheek on my hand, I allow the nostalgia from those days to surface. “In simplest terms, he was my very best friend, my other half. But we led very different lives—his wonderfully carefree and mine rife with royal responsibility, so we didn’t always get a lot of time together. Much to Mother’s dismay, I snuck off with him every chance I got. Our favorite game when we were young was pretending to be Néit warriors who slayed ferocious beasts and protected the innocent.”
Finn smiles, his golden eyes twinkling. “I can picture that so easily. I bet you were a force to be reckoned with, wild curls and a temperament to match.”
“You’re right about that,” I say, chuckling softly. “When we got older, Dev enlisted in the guard and started training to be a Néit warrior for real; an option for any fae in the Summer Court. Except the princess and heir to the throne. But Dev convinced his instructor, Cathal, to give me lessons in secret. When I learned all I could one-on-one, I begged my father to speak to my mother on my behalf. He proposed a deal with her that if she let me train with the others, I would fulfill my royal duties and studies without complaint.”
“Did she agree?”
“Surprisingly, she did.” I remember how shocked I was when my father told me the news, followed by absolute giddiness that I could finally train with Dev and the others. “We both stuck to our parts of the deal, and for those three years, we enjoyed a sort of truce between us. It was the most I’d ever gotten along with Aine.
“But my father’s disappearance changed her; she was never the warm and fuzzy type, but she grew even colder. Then the war with the Purity Order started—humans believing fae were evil were suddenly trying to enter Faerie and wipe us out—so the Néit were deployed to the human realm to guard the veil and prevent them from entering.”
“You fought in the Purity war?”
The corners of my mouth turn down, the bitterness still as fresh as it was back then. “No. Dev went with them—he was an officer by then—and I begged her to let me go too, so I could fight at his side. I wanted to help protect our homeland and our people on the frontlines, not sit inside a guarded palace and do nothing. But she forbade it, and when I tried going anyway, the generals hauled my ass back home, unwilling to disobey Aine’s order.”
“I’m sorry, Taryn.” Finn reaches across our pillows and wraps my hand in his strong one. “You have a warrior’s spirit. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to hold that part of you back. It must have been hard to not be there with your friend.”
I nod, swallowing against the lump forming in my throat. “Dev was the most important person in the world to me, and it killed me that I wasn’t there to watch his back just as he’d always watched mine.
“Instead, I was forced to wait for each lunar cycle when the reports from the veil arrived. Families of those serving would gather at the palace to listen to Aine read off the names of those who’d fallen in battle. For thirty-four cycles—almost three whole years—Dev’s name was never called. He wasn’t so lucky on the thirty-fifth. I’ve never hurt so much my entire life.”
A tear slips out from the corner of my eye and soaks into the pillow. Finn brings our hands to his lips and tenderly kisses my palm. “I am so sorry, sweetheart. Come here.”
He gathers me in his arms, guiding my head to rest in the spot between his shoulder and chest, and holds me tight. There’s a sense of relief at having told him about Devlyn that’s mixed in with all the pain. But some things aren’t meant to be spoken aloud, so I shut the door on the rest of that memory and skip to the end.
“I blamed my mother, certain that if she’d let me go too, I could’ve kept him safe. From that day on, I wanted nothing more to do with her or my birthright as heir, so I left Faerie and swore to never return.”
“Damn,” he whispers against the top of my head, then kisses me there absently. “I don’t blame you for leaving. It sounds like your mom never would’ve stopped trying to control you.”
“No. She gets off on her position of power and uses it to make the world work how she wishes based on her whims. Look at the way she exiled the Celestial Courts all because they pissed her off.” Drawing in a cleansing breath, I steady my nerves and replace my mask. “It wasn’t always easy living as something other than what I am all this time, but at least I’m free to make my own choices here.”
His hand makes light strokes along my arm as though we’ve lain like this together a hundred times. Somehow, being with Finn feels so easy.
“I wish you hadn’t lost your friend,” he says softly, “but I’m glad that your path led you here, Taryn.”
Pushing up to a sitting position, I look down on him and smile. “Are you telling me you’re starting to believe in all this fate stuff?”
His gaze falls to my bare breasts as he bites his lip with one of his fangs. “If I say yes, will you lay back down and let me do wicked things to you to prove the theory?”
Laughing, I pop out of bed and head for the bathroom, saying, “No, but if you scrub my back, you can state your case in the shower before we start cracking the second clue.”
He moves so fast I scream in surprise when he picks me up and tosses me onto his shoulder as he struts across the room. “Woman, I’m going to state so many cases you won’t be walking right for a week.”
I snort as I brace my hands on his glorious ass. “I’d like to see you try.”
Always up for a challenge, the kingly prince did exactly that.
TWENTY-ONEFINNIAN
The sun is low enough on the western horizon that it’s barely visible above the Vegas skyline. Vibrant hues of orange, red, and gold highlighted by the neon of The Strip’s signage paint the sky casting a warm glow over the buildings of the iconic skyline. The mountains in the distance look even more majestic than usual as the sun descends behind them. When it sinks behind the buildings in another ten minutes or so, that’s when we think we’re supposed to find the next clue.
Emphasis on think.
