So when the man door swung open and his dark scowl found me where I worked under the hood of the stingray I was tuning up, I was ready for him.
“Hey, fucker.” I bit out.
“Sup, nutwad?” He lobbed back.
“You cooled down yet?”
“Not even a little.”
“Want to at least let me in on why you’re so triggered by someone else’s shortcomings?”
“You actually admit that not being able to be respectful to Lex’s needs and hesitations is a shortcoming?”
“I never pretended to be perfect, I was just voicing my concerns. It’s not like any of us have had to act with kid gloves inside of this relationship before.” I held my hand up, “Well, at least not when you act like an adult.”
“Fuck you.” He cursed and walked away.
“Do you know any other insults?” I followed him as he started up the stairs to the office. “Or are you stuck in high school today?”
“I’m not in the mood, Knox.”
“Which is exactly why I’m here well past dinnertime, squaring off with your pissy ass. Don’t make me beat the stupid out of you.”
“Fuck off.” He roared, turning at the top of the stairs and towering over me. But I didn’t let him have the upper hand like I usually would have.
I forged forward, pushing him back with my chest until I stood toe to toe with him on the landing. “Try again.”
“I can’t do this with you.” He turned and walked away, but he made a critical error in his attempt to evade me because there was only one exit to the upstairs office and, as I stood in the doorway, I blocked it.
“Try again,” I repeated, unmoved.
“No.” He snarled, pulling his chair out from his desk and shoving it out of the way as he paced. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Isn’t an answer.” I snapped. “You owe me an answer.”
“I don’t owe you anything!” He screamed.
I didn’t recognize the man in front of me. He seemed unhinged and on edge, more so than I had ever seen Brody before.
“Ten years means nothing?” I tried to remain impassive and unbothered by his cruel words because I knew they weren’t my fault. They were stemming from something deeply rooted inside of himself.
“You don’t get it.” He shook his head and turned away, which pissed me off.
“Exactly!” It was my turn to yell. “Because you won’t man the fuck up and tell me.”
“Man up?” He bellowed and turned on me. “You have no fucking clue what kind of man-ing up I’ve had to do because of you!”
“Then tell me!” I pushed him with my hands flat on his chest. “You obviously hold something against me, so tell me what the fuck I did wrong to earn your fucking anger out of the blue!”
“You loved me!” He screamed with wide eyes as I stood ramrod stiff as the entire world around me rocked on its axis. “When I didn’t have a fucking clue what love even meant!” He grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me. “You loved me and I lost everything because of it.”
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t form a coherent thought as his words circled inside of my brain on repeat.
You loved me and I lost everything because of it.
“What does that mean?” I whispered, too afraid to move, as it felt like everything around me was going to tumble down into the pits of misery any second.
“My dad knew.” He stepped back and his shoulders fell in defeat. “He could tell you weren’t just interested in Hannah. So he beat the ever-living shit out of me for it, demanding that I either let you both go or be cut off and cast out of his family! He would not allow his only son to be gay. It was leave you or be dead to him.”
My brain tried to think back to when Brody still talked to his dad, and I remembered the night he went to Hannah’s beat to piss. He wouldn’t tell her what happened, so she called me, but when I showed up, he wouldn’t even look at me.
It was right after we took our relationship to the next level, specifically between him and me, and the rejection had hurt.
But I never thought the beating he took was because of me, or that it had been by his own dad.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I shook my head in utter disbelief. “We asked you that night, but you refused to tell us anything.”
He fell into his office chair and hung his head, once again refusing to look at me. “Because I was already too far gone to get back out. I was already in love with both you and Hannah by that point, and I didn’t see a way out.”
A way out.
My chest cracked, and I finally knew what physical heartbreak felt like.
