"But prettier," I joked.
That night, when I prepared for bed, I was still nervous. The Moles were coming. Right now, they were out in the woods somewhere, and headed our way. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to look over the calendar again to make sure I'd gotten it right. I wanted to string my bow, put my quiver of yellow-fletched arrows over my shoulder, and wait. I wanted to do anything but rest and relax.
I also knew I would need sleep. But on impulse, I slipped off my mother's ring and put it on the leather cord with my sign die. It was starting to get a little tight on my pinky. Then again, my first dresses were not as loose as they'd once been.
However, I wouldn't leave my mother's ring behind. I refused to hide it in a drawer or set it on a shelf. I wanted it with me, always. The same was true for my sign. This was my proof that I was a Dragon. The ring was a reminder of where I'd come from. Together, they said something about me. I simply hoped it was a good thing.
I did have to tie the leather cord shorter, though. Once I was lying in bed, it flopped all over, with just enough weight to almost strangle me. Using knots I'd learned from Ms. Lawton, I made it so the thing would slip tighter or looser. Like this, it would rest comfortably against my chest, not between my breasts.
Silver against gold, the two pieces of myself looked nothing alike. They clanked softly, making a little jingling noise I liked. Thinking about what these two things meant to me, I rolled onto my side, clasped my hand around them both, and finally found sleep.
The next day was long. For most of it, Zasen and Kanik were gone. Preparing the defenses, Rymar assured me before suggesting I read. I couldn't. Somewhere out in the forest, the Moles were camping, hiding away from the blinding daylight I was now mostly used to.
But when the men didn't return, Rymar allowed me to help him cook. That distracted my brain from the constant spiraling. We made a big dinner for all of us out of a pheasant. I learned about how to baste the bird, which spices went with this meat, and more.
We'd just finished when the guys finally returned, and they looked exhausted. "Tomorrow," Zasen said as he dropped down into a chair at the table. "Ayla, you're going over to Saveah's."
"But I can help!" I insisted.
He nodded. "Yes, which is why you're going to Saveah's. I want to make sure she and the kids are safe. Take your bow and all the arrows."
Kanik headed for the stone cabinet that kept the drinks cool. "We're worried Tamin might try to run into the street," he explained as he pulled out two beers. "Saveah has a safe area similar to the closet under the stairs. Hers is in her hallway, behind a sliding bookshelf."
"Tea?" Rymar asked me. "Since they're clearly needing to wind down."
"Yes, please."
He smiled, pouring a glass for himself and me. I was handed both and told to go sit. Rymar then carried over the dishes we'd prepared while Zasen and Kanik were working. It smelled amazing. Enough that my stomach grumbled.
Lately, I'd been eating more. The guys always encouraged me to take seconds. So while they described their preparations for the upcoming battle, I listened while shoveling the meal into my face.
"We don't have enough venom," Kanik said. "Not enough people are convinced this is really happening, so only the militia donated. We do have enough to dip militia arrows, though."
"So tailed and tailless can have poisoned arrows?" Rymar asked around a bite.
"Both," Zasen agreed. "Hopefully, everyone else will stay inside, but I have a bad feeling."
"Yeah, after what Jerlis was saying, I do too," Rymar agreed.
"Which is why we're going to set up as close to the southern entrance as possible," Kanik said. "If they come from the side, we'll be ready. I just don't like leaving so many houses before the line."
"Why not outside the walls?" I asked.
"Because they'll see us," Zasen explained. "While the Moles are hidden in the forest, we'd be easy to pick off with their guns. We need to use the cover of the houses and plants inside the walls to our advantage."
"There has to be a better way," I mumbled.
"If we had more people, there would be," Zasen agreed. "But they aren't all convinced yet, Ayla."
"Because I'm a Mole."
"Used to be a Mole," Kanik corrected, reaching over to rub my arm. "Ayla, people have seen their children killed. They've watched as Moles dragged away the bodies of their loved ones. The only thing they know about Moles is that they hunt us, so they believe every Mole will. Even you."
"But the women don't know!" I insisted.
"I know that," he said, "and you do. They don't yet. Give them time. Let them see that you're helping and you're not lying. Tomorrow will prove it."
"And people will still die," Zasen grumbled. "Because they refuse to listen to us and give her a chance, some will die."
"That's on them," Rymar countered. "Ayla has done her part. You and Kanik are doing yours. And trust me, every person we lose in this upcoming fight? I'm going to make sure Jerlis knows their name."
But while that sounded great, it really wasn't. When I went to bed that night, I tossed and turned. Every time the house creaked, I jerked back awake, thinking it might be the Moles sneaking in. I knew better. They liked to do things the same way, following the patterns that worked. They wouldn't be here tonight, but my mind kept flashing back to the visions of the last battle.
There had been so many injured. I could still hear the cries of the wounded and the grieving in my mind. The red of spilled blood had spotted the street. Bodies had laid there, too still.
If there was a God, he should've stopped this. He certainly shouldn't be encouraging it! No, this was the Devil's work. Then again, Callah had once said she thought the compound was Hell. It was underground, we were constantly miserable, and nothing good ever happened.
She'd been more right than she knew.
And somehow, I had to help her. I needed to save her and Meri, but I had a feeling my trick with the fork wouldn't work twice. Or would it? Besides, Meri was already married. Somehow, they needed to get out, but I couldn't think of a good way to get a message back. Somehow, I had to tell them it was safe up here - that I would take care of them!
So when I woke up the next morning, I headed upstairs first. There, I checked the calendar again, needing to reassure myself I hadn't made a mistake. Twice, I matched up the days, verifying that today was really the day they'd arrive.
It all worked out, so long as the first day of our year really was the same. That was the real question, wasn't it? Just because we both called a day the "New Year" that didn't mean it was the same one. What if I was wrong about all of this? What if people hid away today and then refused to do the same when the Moles did come?
What if my plan killed all these people and it was my fault for not being smart enough?
I was counting for the third time when Rymar staggered into the new office-workroom area. He saw me sitting at Kanik's desk and gave me a confused look.
