Now it was time to make my own point. "Mr. Morgan, I assure you I may hit back."
His jaw clenched as the man struggled to control his anger. "You think so? Miss Ross, you will only try that once. I do not tolerate insolence in women. I don't care about the curse your mother suffered from. Tomorrow, you will walk with me. I'll leave you to sulk like a child tonight."
I nodded, refusing to be offended at his comment.
The man merely pulled in a hard breath, making it clear I wasn't supposed to have agreed. Most likely, he'd hoped his snide remark would make me back down. It wouldn't. I simply couldn't. Maybe being meek and dutiful would be safer, but this? Deciding if I would give my life to this man? It wasn't the sort of thing to do timidly.
But when I said nothing else, Mr. Morgan stepped out of my room and slammed the door behind him. The moment he was gone, I reached up to check the side of my face. The skin stung, but most likely wouldn't bruise. He hadn't hit me quite that hard. Clearly, he was trying to prove what a "good catch" he was.
But if this man was a "good catch," then what else did I have to lose? Life with him wouldn't be happy. It certainly wouldn't be loving. Maybe I'd have children, but only until he grew tired of them and sent them to live with others their age here in the children's wing.
So what did I really have to look forward to?
For women, happiness wasn't something we were allowed. Contributions were what we should take joy in. How much we could sacrifice for others was our purpose. My life wasn't worth as much as a man's - or even my children's. As soon as I was legally wed to this man, my purpose would be met, and all that was left was the dying. Was there really any reason to prolong it?
Callah gently removed my hand from my cheek, proving she'd come to check on me. Leaning in to look at the mark, she shook her head. "You can't marry him, Ayla."
All I could do was lick my lips as my mind continued to spin. She was right. I knew she was, but I didn't have any choice. The Council had chosen. My other options were just as bad, if not worse. No matter how hard I thought, I simply couldn't figure out a way to get out of this.
And my eyes were starting to sting.
"What am I supposed to do?" I breathed.
Callah clasped my hands between us, kneeling down until she was crouched before me. "Be meek, Ayla. Be quiet, submissive, subservient, and as dutiful as possible. Think your thoughts, but hold them in. As a married woman, maybe you'll even be able to see Meri? Then the two of you can take care of each other again."
"But what about you?" I asked.
She smiled, but the look was sad. "I have a few more months. No matter what, I will be on my own." Then she chuckled. "I dunno, maybe I'll even learn how to climb?"
"It's twelve steps from the bend to the covered door," I told her. "The vent opening is just above."
"I'll find it," she swore. "And every time the hunters come back, I'll be in the infirmary. If Mr. Morgan is proud of your healing skills, he won't keep you from it the way Gideon does with Meri, right?"
"Right," I agreed.
"So you can make this work," she told me. "Ayla, you can - if that's what you want."
And that was the problem. I knew I could. I'd spent my entire life saying nothing, smiling pleasantly, and keeping my eyes down. I was good at it - but it hadn't changed anything. In twenty years, I hadn't found the happiness that was supposed to come with being a dutiful woman. Instead, I'd only found more and more misery.
"But what if it's not?" I asked, my words much too soft.
Her pale green eyes jumped up and met my blue ones. She didn't answer. She also didn't need to. We'd just talked about this. We'd been talking about it. Over and over, it was the one subject that neither of us could let go, and it had filled this room almost every night before we found sleep.
This was a woman's place. Punishment was a man's right. As a wife, I was his possession to do with as he would, even kill if necessary. It didn't matter if death came in childbirth or from the back of his hand. The moment I vowed to obey, I gave away the last control of my life.
Or I could do the dumbest thing ever.
"Callah..." I breathed.
"I love you, Ayla," she said. "You were the sister I always wanted. You and Meri both. We are a family, no matter what, and I believe in you. Maybe I don't always believe in God, or the Devil, or our purpose for being here, but every time I bow my head?" She blinked away the moisture growing in her eyes. "I pray for us. I pray we will find a better way. That we will figure out how to survive this Hell! Because what is this place if not the Pit itself? Locked underground?"
"You think we're in Hell?" I asked.
She nodded her head vigorously. "It has to be. All we do is suffer, over and over. This? Here? It's the Hell for women, and if there’s any way to escape it, then shouldn't we try? I just don't know if the escape will come from giving in like Meri did or from pushing back the way you always do."
"I don't," I tried to tell her.
But she just gave me a tired look. "You do, Ayla. You push at the rules. That's why you found the library. It's why you read the books and then told us about them. You aren't satisfied with giving up, not even when your future husband comes to introduce himself! You pushed. You nettled him! You all but forced him to punish you, because I was in the room and he couldn't have a witness to that."
"And how much worse do you think it will be when we're alone?" I asked.
"Much, much worse," she said, holding my gaze. "And neither of us are fools. We know what it really means when the Righteous talk about our lot in life."
"Death," I breathed, nodding to show I understood.
"So marry him or don't," she told me. "No matter what, I will be proud of you."
My eyes jumped over to the folded paper now laying on her bed. The page that had been a drawing of my mother's fantasy world.
"On that page," I said, tipping my head towards it, "is what hope looks like, Callah. If you can, will you put it in the library?"
"I swear," she breathed.
So I let go of her hands and pushed to my feet, feeling the weight of my decision pressing on me. "Good, because I have something I have to do."
TwelveAyla
Imarched to the door, yanked it open, and strode right into the hall. Thankfully, Callah didn't follow. I wasn't sure I could go through with this if she had, and I had to do this. I needed to do it now.
