"Nope," Rymar agreed. "She's a very pretty young lady who is in so far over her head."
"And isn't sinking," I added. "Because, that's the thing. No matter what is thrown at her, it seems Ayla finds a way to figure out how to handle it."
"A survivor," Kanik realized.
"A damned good one," I agreed. "The kind who could be exactly what Lorsa has been waiting for, they just don't know it yet."
Forty-FiveAyla
As Kanik carried me to the bedroom, I remembered Tamin's toy. The one he'd been so proud of. Kanik held me against his chest so carefully, and laid me down on the bed like I was a small and fragile child even as he assured me he'd find it. What he didn't do was cover me with the blankets. Instead, he turned back for the dresser, looking at the folded clothes on top.
"Ayla, do you want one of these to sleep in?" he asked. "Something clean?"
I sucked in a breath and sat up, intending to scoot back towards the pillows. "I can get it."
He just lifted both hands, almost as if holding me back. "I was merely going to pass it to you before I leave the room."
So I jiggled my head in an anxious nod. "The little blue one is what I sleep in."
He found it, then returned to my side of the bed. Pressing it into my hands, he eased himself down on the edge and looked at me for a long moment. Not like he was waiting for me to reveal my body, though. This was more like he wanted to say something.
"I'm sorry I left you alone," he finally told me.
"You had to save other people," I pointed out. "I saved Tamin."
"You shouldn't've had to, though."
"Everyone says the Moles are my people, Kanik. It makes me feel like they're my fault."
He gently pressed his hand over my leg, down by my ankle. "They aren't, Ayla. You are not a Mole. You haven't been a Mole to me since I found out about you putting a fork in a man who tried to force you to marry him. You're just a young woman who's in between worlds right now, and I'm doing my best to help."
"You are," I assured him.
"And yet I wasn't there tonight when you needed me." He gave me a sad smile. "You did good, though. I know it's not easy, and if you have nightmares, I'll listen, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed, not quite sure what any of that was supposed to mean.
Kanik just gave me one more smile, then pushed himself to his feet. Slowly, looking exhausted, the man made his way to the door, and I watched him the whole time. His back and shoulders were broad. Not as much as Zasen's, but more than most hunters. His tail was long and muscular. The very tip was purple. Only a few inches, but I'd seen his entire stinger was the same color as those dark marks on his neck.
"I'm locking this behind me," he said.
"Thank you."
I heard the door open, the latch clicked, and then Kanik was gone. For a moment, I sat there, still holding my nightdress, thinking about him. The man was a teacher. He was kind and intelligent. He was also very strong and fit. I wasn't sure how old he was, but I didn't think any of the men in the house were that much older than me.
A few months ago, I would've thought of Kanik as a good pick for a husband. He didn't punish me. His face was appealing and his body made me want to look down and smile at the floor. I didn't, but only because I knew that would send the wrong message.
But he was my friend. A true friend. Kanik had helped me when I hadn't expected anyone to. He casually showed me how to do their Dragon things, like where supplies were located in the house or how to operate something. I didn't even know all the questions to ask yet, but every time I faltered, he found a way to fill in the gaps in my knowledge without making me feel foolish.
Tonight felt different, though. Maybe it was more true to say tonight had changed everything. Finally, I pulled off the filthy dress I'd been wearing all day, and slipped into the small one that shouldn't be seen outside this room. It was soft and short, which meant it wouldn't tangle around my body as I slept.
What I didn't do was get under the blankets. My mind was spinning. I'd seen men die before. Some, I'd even allowed to pass without trying hard, which was really no different than killing them. It had been the only power I'd had in the compound, because as a woman, I was useless for anything except being fruitful and helping the Righteous to multiply.
But they'd lied.
The hunters had done nothing but lie to the rest of the compound. They weren't hunting animals for meat. They were killing people! Worse, they were feeding it to the rest of us and covering it up with vague wording.
Maybe we hadn't had much underground. I knew the bodies of our deceased were composted to grow the fungus that made up much of our diet, but that made sense. I knew the hunters had a group who went out to harvest plants, but I'd never thought more about it.
Now I couldn't stop. How could six men bring back enough grain and beans to feed the Righteous every day? How did they get that many vegetables to put green leaves on our plates? Was that just another lie?
But why?
Why were they lying?
Why were they working so hard to keep everyone locked belowground?
That was the real question, wasn't it? Clearly, the hunters knew survival on the surface was possible. One of them must have told the Elders. It didn't take much to figure out the entire council had to know we could leave at any time, and yet the sermons hadn't changed.
The surface was dangerous. Earth was burning with the fires of Hell. We hadn't proven ourselves yet. But why? And more importantly, how? What were they wanting from the people they kept locked away underground? Because if I could survive up here, then surely our men would be able to build a stable society for the rest of us!
Clearly, I was missing something, and all signs pointed to the worst. Aboveground, the Elders would be little more than frail old men. Women could run away and join the Dragons - or the Reapers, I supposed, although I didn't know enough about them. And once people started leaving the community, the Righteous would be no more.
Yet so long as everyone was locked underground, things would stay the same. The women would be forced to marry on their twentieth birthday. The men would have someone to cook, clean, mend, and care for them. God's word wouldn't be questioned, because no one would see the other people who'd been here the whole time.
So instead, they killed Dragons.
Pushing out a heavy breath, I scrubbed at my face with both hands the way Zasen always did. I wanted to rub that thought away. I wanted to erase all the memories of the night. I wanted to roll back time and fix things before that little girl could get shot in the street.
