trash. No, no white man would have her. Not if he knew. Not the fiercest
abolitionist and not the most quivering Quaker.
Olivia thought about Mrs. Place and the way she stayed in Five Rocks and ran
her business with that tight smile on her face, knowing how everyone talked
about her. No one invited Mrs. Place anywhere or sat in the same pew with her
on the rare occasions that she ventured into church – and she had been sinning
with a white man.
When the food was ready Olivia called Mourning.
He sat on one of the stumps with his plate with nothing to say but, “Sun feel
good.”
“Yes, it does.”
Olivia sat across from him, picking at her food. It took her a while to come to
a startling realization – there was no reason anyone need know what they’d
done. After all, Mourning wasn’t going to be posting any notices. It was a novel
thought to Olivia – that a person could do something so utterly unacceptable, yet
suffer no consequences. She felt as if it must be stamped across her forehead.
One look at her face and anyone would know. But the longer she sat there
studying on it, the more it seemed possible for them to simply go on with their
lives, as if nothing had happened. Wasn’t that what Mourning was trying to do?
She brightened for a moment before real fear seized her. What if her belly
swelled up like a watermelon? For the first time she understood why they called
it “getting caught” – because if you didn’t grow heavy with child, no one would
ever know. She put a hand on her stomach and wondered how you could tell, what it felt like to have a baby growing inside you.
She had set her plate down and kept her eyes on the ground, but now raised
them to Mourning. “Are you as scared as I am?”
He looked at her, a strange mixture of resentment and apology on his face. “I
got a reason to be? No point bein’ scared, less you got cause.”
“How do I know? I don’t know how you can tell.” Her hand went back to her
stomach. “Can a girl be with child after just one time?” she asked softly.
“Course she can.” His face softened. “But it be takin’ some time ’fore she can
tell.”
“How can she tell?”
“Ain’t no woman never told you nothing? First thing is the next month when
she don’t … you know.”
“Oh.”
“They be things a girl can do,” he said, averting his gaze from her. “Things a
doctor can do. Need be, I go to that Backwoods place, try and find you one.”
“Well.” Her voice grew stronger. “I guess there’s no point in worrying about
that yet. But we can’t … not ever again.”
“I know. And, Livia, I got to know, no matter what, that you ain’t gonna be
