where she had begun. A woman incapable of supporting herself.
She turned and walked to the livery, looking forward to greeting Dixby and
Dougan, but they were gone. The owner of the livery proudly informed her that
he had sold them just an hour ago, and for a good price – $35. The sadness that tugged at her made her feel ridiculous – how pathetic was a person who missed a
pair of cows? The man counted out the money and said he also had a buyer for
the wagon and the rest of her possessions. A Dutch man. He would be by later to
see if she’d agreed to his price. Olivia nodded, barely listening to him explain why she should accept the offer.
“That will be fine,” she said. “I’ll come back tomorrow to settle up.” At the
door she turned back. “Do you think you could save me the trip by letting me have the money now?” she asked. The price was low enough that she was not
surprised when he readily agreed.
So that was that. There was nothing else for her to do here. No reason to stay
in a city where she had not a single friend. Olivia was grateful to Michelle for the warmth and generosity she had shown. They had eased some of the pain. But
they had also made her feel like an object of pity. Was her neediness so obvious?
On her way back to the hotel she concentrated on trying to look like a normal person, but it was so hard to smile.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Olivia stood on Merchant’s Wharf, clutching a first-class ticket and watching
a stevedore with a large trunk and both of her wicker baskets stacked on his back
make his way over the gang plank onto the S.S. Walk-in-the-Water. Her stomach
felt as if she had swallowed an angry porcupine. “Later” had arrived and now she had only the two or three days the trip would take to decide what she was going to tell her family. She closed her eyes. Everything will be all right.
Mourning will be back in Five Rocks. He said there are things a girl in trouble
can do. He’ll find out what. He’ll tell me where I have to go.
The sun was setting when she straggled aboard to begin her journey home.
She had booked the cheapest private cabin they had to offer and a broad-backed
porter in a black uniform led her down a steep flight – more like a ladder than
stairs – and turned the key in the lock for her. The only furnishings were a straight-back chair and a narrow wooden bed that looked like a long crate with a
mattress on top. A raggedy curtain was tacked to its side, and the porter lifted it,
revealing that the bed was actually a wooden shelf with her baskets stowed
beneath it. The sheet that covered the straw mattress was coarse, but looked clean. In place of a pillow, a folded woolen blanket lay at the head. There was a
small shelf on the wall and a kerosene lantern hung next to it.
The bareness of the cabin suited her. She required nothing more than four
walls and a deadbolt to shut out the world. Feeling as if she could sleep all the
way to Erie, she lay down and stretched out. It didn’t take long, however, for the
walls to seem to close in on her rather than offer protection. When she heard the
engine snort and growl to life she rose and climbed up to the deck. Passengers
crowded the rail and Olivia squeezed in among them.
She soon regretted having left her cave. Everyone around her was talking and
laughing, making her feel even more alone. She clutched the rail and held back
tears, reminding herself how much she had to be grateful for – food in her stomach, money in her pocket, and a home to go back to. For the time being anyway. Until they realized she had a baby in her belly. Would they toss her out
into the snow? She had heard of such things. Perhaps she could make up a lie.
Say she had gotten married in Michigan and her husband had died of the fever,
