about any woman seen going into his office. So no woman will go near him,
even if she all she needs is a check-up, and his practice disappears.”
“So you just go to any doctor?”
“Go to one and ask. He says no, go to another one. Some got religious
convictions against it. And ain’t many will do it after quickening.”
“What’s that?”
“When you can feel the baby move. After you’re three or four months gone.”
The waiter approached with their plates and a very large platter of very small
fried fish.
“So I’d have to do it right away,” Olivia said when he was gone.
“The sooner, the better. Is that what you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” Olivia said as she picked up a piece of fish in her fingers and
took a bite. “Mm, it’s good. Got a great crisp on it, but watch out for bones.”
“I see you learned some Michigan table manners.”
“Manners are an easy habit to break,” Olivia grinned. Now that she was over
the shock, she felt a kind of relief. At least she knew what she had to deal with.
And that she could count on Jettie to help her through it.
The platter was soon empty and while they waited for the waiter to bring
more fish, Olivia asked, “What do you think? Do you think it’s wrong?”
“What I think is the last thing on earth that matters.” Jettie folded her napkin.
“Ain’t no one got a right to give you advice about this.”
“But I want to know what you think. Is it a sin?”
“No. I think a woman’s got the right. She’s the one gonna spend the rest of her days worrying after that child. And it’s hard enough being a child in this world when you got a mother what wanted you.”
Olivia stared at a knot in the wooden tabletop, trying to convince herself that
a child like the one inside her was better off not being born. But she couldn’t hold with that. People don’t give up their own lives, she thought, no matter how bad they are. They hang on, hoping for better, even when they know darn well there’s not much chance of better coming to call. Look at Mourning, born without any parents. Do I think it would be better if he’d never come into the world?
“The quickening,” Olivia said, leaning forward again, “is that when the baby
starts to be alive?”
“Lord, Olivia. You’re asking me to define the essence of life? There ain’t no
doctor or priest what can do that. All I know is, the law allows it and I think that’s all you got to know.” She stopped speaking while the waiter set down another platter of fish. “You got to do whatever your heart tells you to do. I think
that’s God’s way of speaking to us. If it feels right, it is right. God don’t give everyone the same answer. What’s right for some other girl ain’t right for you.
Why don’t you try deciding to get rid of it and walk around for a few days with
that decision in your heart, see how it sits?”
They didn’t talk much on the way home. By the time they arrived, Olivia
knew. She didn’t need to walk around for a few days. She wasn’t going to drink
any poison. She was going to have the baby.
November was gray, the trees bare. The last leaves blew in circles, close to the ground. Snow was still a month away, but the ground was hard and cold and
the wind strong enough to keep folks inside. It was a time of year Olivia had always found oppressive.
One Monday the pile of library books Jettie brought home included some
issues of Godey’s Lady’s Book. Olivia could tell they were Mabel’s, by the way
so many of the pages were dog-eared. She glanced through the articles. Yes,
