“It’s not like —”
“What if …” She dropped her gaze down to the floor. “What happens when you change your mind?”
“I wouldn’t, Grace, I —”
“When I’m living in your house with no job and you decide I'm too much work to take care of, will you at least pay for my plane ticket home?” Her arms trembled under my palms.
“That’s not what’s going to happen.”
“You don’t know that!” she cried, her voice ragged. “You’ve known me for a month, and you want me to give up my entire life because you need me.”
She twisted away and slumped down on the couch, her glassy gaze staring at the ceiling. I knelt down next to her leg with a steadying hand on her shin, desperate to show her what I’d seen in my dream. To explain that this was forever for me. “That won’t happen, because I lo—”
She jolted forward, her index finger on my lips stopping my confession. Her voice was a warning. “Don’t say it, Alex.”
I peeled her hand away from my mouth and pressed my lips into her palm. Maybe if she knew … “I love you,” I said confidently.
“You promised,” she whispered. “You promised not to fall in love.”
“I’m sorry, darling, but I told you that pinky promises aren’t legally binding.“ She huffed a laugh. I placed her hand over my heart, feeling my heartbeat under her fingertips.
“I can’t …” She pulled her hand away like she couldn’t stand to touch me. The first tear descended her cheek and she wiped it off before it hit her mouth.
She’d never been to California.Maybe if she came, she’d realize it was meant to be. “Can you visit? I’ll fly you out.”
“Your life is in San Francisco, not mine. I can’t be the only thing that makes you happy.” Her compassionate eyes met mine as she shook her head and rested her hand on my cheek.
She cleared her throat, and said resolutely, “The answer is no.”
Those incredible hazel eyes were full of compassion and … was that pity? I wondered if she could hear my heart shattering in my chest. It seemed like she felt the same about me. Had I read that wrong? How could I keep her in my life?
“Can we still be friends?” I asked quietly, trying to claw back my reckless words. I couldn’t imagine not talking to her.
“I don’t think I can only be your friend,” she said, voice heavy with grief. “Let’s not drag out the inevitable.”
I searched her eyes; her decision had been made. I’d offered her everything I had, and it wasn’t enough.
And by asking, I’d ruined the best thing in my life.
I stood and held out my hand. She slid hers into it so I could pull her up.
I wrapped my arms around her waist one final time.
She exhaled a desolate sign into my chest.
I pressed my lips to hers one last time.
She kissed me back tenderly, tasting the salt of our joint mourning.
I interlaced our fingers one last time.
She walked me down the stairs, where my coat and suitcase were waiting.
“It’s New Year's Day,” she whispered. “The perfect time for a new beginning.”
Chapter 34
Grace
There’s no good time to have your heart broken, but if you must …
if I must …
New Year's Day isn’t the worst choice.
One minute, he was asleep and snoring.
The next, his arms were around my waist, recounting his dream, his stubble catching on my hair, his semi rubbing against my hip.
I’d expected all of that and steeled myself against it. When he pulled his dad’s car into my driveway last night after fireworks, I thought, “The next time you see this car, it will be driving away from you.”
Then he’d suggested we make our own fireworks and I’d blocked out reality.
I’d known, because I knew him, that this morning would be rough. He’d linger until I pushed him out my front door and forced him back into his life.
But I hadn’t made any preparations for the next minute.
