“I made enchiladas,” I said, my voice only wavering slightly as I tilted my thumb toward the lounge. “Do you want to stay?”
His face softened as I held out my hand. Mama told us that she’d never seen two toddlers touch as often as we did, and as his hand slid into mine, he exhaled in relief.
For the first time in eight years of imagining seeing him again and being rejected, it occurred to me that he’d been worried that I would reject him. Maybe he feared that if he found me and put his heart on the line, I would send him away … and yet he sought me regardless.
Not able to talk around the emotion, I squeezed his fingers. He returned the gesture, an entire conversation in that quick touch.
His face lit up when he saw the enchilada pan and I served him a generous portion. “There’s nothing like homemade enchiladas, and these are as good as Mama’s. I haven’t had sauce this rich in years.”
“Mama doesn’t make it anymore?”
“I wouldn’t know,” he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I haven’t been home since you left.”
“You haven’t …” I stared at him in shock.
“When you missed our first Skype call, I figured you’d slept through it, or maybe it was just a time zone issue. The next week when you didn’t show, I called your phone but it was disconnected. I called Isaac, but he hadn’t been home in weeks, after that fight with Dad about Rachel.”
I considered Isaac, my responsible oldest brother and a perennial rule follower. Which of the rules we’d grown up with was he willing to break?
“Dad lied to Mama about why you left and commanded Levi to keep his mouth shut, assuming that you wouldn’t make it on your own and when you came home, things would go back to normal. Isaac eventually got the truth out of Levi … but weeks had passed and we’d already lost your trail.”
Elijah’s shoulders tensed like he was reliving the experience. “Isaac went ballistic. He blamed himself for not being home or checking in. He …” Elijah’s voice cracked. “I wanted to fly home from Tokyo, but Isaac told me to stay while he searched, saying I couldn't do anything that he couldn’t. He said, ‘He told you to go see the world, he would be so pissed if you left.’”
Elijah’s head dropped into his hands, and I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. My stomach churned with the guilt, fear, and shock. Mallory perched on the armrest to wrap her arm around me as I silently processed how my departure had exploded my whole family.
All this time, I assumed they were happy without me, that they’d all written me off as easily as our father had.
“Elijah, what's Isaac like now?”
“Still a grumpy overprotective teddy bear. He lives in Albany,” I met Mallory’s huge eyes, both of us surprised that my oldest brother lived within an hour’s drive. “He and his wife Rachel have a 5-year-old daughter and she’s pregnant again. He’d probably have come with me to every studio to look for you if she weren’t on bed rest. I was on the phone with him when you —”
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stifled a grin, then held it up: Fourteen missed calls, seven texts.
Isaac
You found her?
Are you serious?!
Call me back
If this is a joke, I’m gonna be pissed
You can’t just say that and hang up on me
Call me back, now
ELIJAH
“Still bossy as ever,” I said fondly.
The phone rang again. My twin lifted a mischievous brow, offering the chance to talk to our protective oldest brother. My nerves fluttered, still disbelieving that Isaac was calling … and now I got to mess with him, just like old times.
With shaking hands, I swiped. Before I even took a breath, he was ranting. “Elijah, you can’t just hang up like that, don’t you know that I —”
“Hey Isaac,” I said, grinning at my twin.
“Jerem —” His rant halted and his breath stuttered. “Shit, I mean, Grace. I’m sorry, Mama said you’re Grace now. And now I said shit. Twice. Oh no, I don’t know if you still —?”
“It’s ok to swear. You should meet my best friend, I’ve heard far worse,” I laughed, meeting Mallory’s gaze and seeing joyful tears in her eyes.
I reassured Isaac that yes, I was happy and healthy, and no, he didn’t need to drive up in the storm to see me right away, and yes, I’d visit soon with Elijah, and no, I wouldn’t run away again.
Before we hung up, Isaac said, “Hey Grace? I love you, kiddo.”
“Love you too, Isaac,” I said as my voice cracked.
When I hung up, Elijah’s gaze fixated intently on my profile. “I always wondered if I’d recognize you.”
I twisted to face him, searching his eyes. “Would you have?”
“In a heartbeat, and not only because of how you look. When Mama said you visited, something dormant woke up. Even though this studio was closed, I felt you nearby. When I heard footsteps, my heart knew they were yours.” He placed his hand over his chest, warmth spreading across his face.
“I’ve spent five years working with a traveling nurse agency. Every new city I moved to, I hoped somebody would say, ‘You know, you look just like my friend,’ but nobody ever did. When my last contract ended, I felt drawn back to New York. I’ve been staying with Isaac and Rachel since November, when she got put on bed rest for her pregnancy. Maybe it was kismet. Maybe my heart knew you were ready.”
He looked at the champagne bottle on the coffee table. “Were you two celebrating tonight?”
I hesitated. It was one thing to accept my gender, especially with eight years to come to terms with it before having this conversation.
