“Oh.”
“I wasn’t the best version of myself today. I knew it, even as it was happening, but I couldn’t seem to see past myself, and I am sorry.” He set down his fork. “I’m truly sorry for it.”
For all that the apology was a surprise, Sera had to admit it fit the man she remembered. What she’d sensed of his character, even after only spending less than a day together. And with that memory came a resolution of her own.
“If we’re being honest—” her gaze drifted to the small bouquet “—I’m not above saying the flowers weren’t a smooth touch.”
“I’m glad you like them.”
“But I wasn’t my best self, either. I was surprised to see you this morning. And then we were put together for the duration of the task force and—” She couldn’t fully hold back the sigh. “It was like my personal life slammed right into my professional life, and I didn’t like it.”
“Same.”
“This task force is an important step in my career growth. I’m sure it’s equally important for you.”
“It is,” he agreed.
“Then we’re going to have to find a way to put what happened between us at the holidays firmly in the past.”
“Is it?”
His comment sort of hung there between them, like a pulsing question mark hovering over them in blinking neon.
“Is it what?”
“Is it behind us?”
The irrational urge to laugh hysterically at his question suddenly gripped her and she had one terrifying moment where she thought she actually might break down in laughter. Because that night might be over, but nothing about it was behind them. In fact, in six more months the consequence of their choice would be right there in front of them.
She’d had their one night together expressly for the lack of strings. Attachments. Or any consequence other than pure, unadulterated need. She wasn’t particularly well-versed in doing that, and it had felt good—better than good, actually—to take something just for herself.
Her life had been about studying and remaining focused and living with a strict, almost rigid, code of behavior. She wasn’t going to be her mother. And she had no interest in throwing her life away to listlessness or to excess.
And yet, Gavin had somehow found a way beneath that. In the moment, he’d felt like impulse, but never excess.
So she took a long, deliberate moment to stare at her fork before lifting it to toy with a few pieces of pasta. “It’s all behind us. Of course it is.”
“Things ended a bit abruptly.”
Whatever distraction her dinner had provided faded as she stared at him head on. “We had a one-night stand, Gavin. By their very definition, they have a short shelf life. A point I’ve thought was pretty clear based on how neither of us has found the other these past several months.”
“Did you try to find me?”
Just like that morning, it was a neat, verbal trap and one she’d walked straight into. Yet even as a part of her wanted to wrap herself up in emotional tinfoil, deflecting the truth with all that she was, she found she couldn’t.
“I went to that bar several evenings in hopes I’d see you again. When you never showed, I figured I wasn’t meant to see you.”
A series of emotions flashed across his face, telling in that he obviously felt something, but maddening in that she couldn’t actually read a damn thing.
Did he think her needy? Hopeful? Was he glad she’d tried to find him? Or was it more proof what they’d had was only meant to last a few hours?
Which made his quiet, scratchy tone a bit of a surprise when he finally spoke. “If you wanted to see me again, why’d you leave?”
Had she been wrong?
Since there was no way of knowing, she pressed on, willing him to understand her explanation.
“Again, Gavin. New Year’s Day. One-night stand. Two strangers. It’s sort of the exact definition of awkward.”
“It didn’t feel awkward.”
“No, it didn’t.”
And when his dark gaze met hers, she had to admit that even now, it still wasn’t awkward at all. It was freeing. This strange connection between them that had no reason for existing yet did all the same.
“I wanted to see you again, Sera. I looked for you every time I went out. Each time I walked the neighborhood. Each time I got on the subway.”
He’d looked for her? Hoped to see her again?
All those lonely moments, practically willing him to show up at the bar hadn’t actually been for naught. Even if they really didn’t have a shot at a future, there was a special sort of joy in knowing that he hadn’t been unaffected.
And with that knowledge, she couldn’t hold back the small smile that she suspected held the slightest notes of sorrow for what could have been. “And here all you really needed to do was call my aunt and uncle. Keep that in mind next time you go hunting for a one-night stand.”
“Why would I go hunt for anyone else?”
Whatever humor had pulled at her faded, and something sharp speared through her at the earnest expression that set his face in serious lines.
“This can’t go anywhere,” Sera finally said, even if she wished she were wrong. “Especially with the task force. It’s a conflict now.”
