Audrey looked down at her fingers. “It was the right thing to do. Ilse and Daniel needed Friedrich more than they needed me.”
Gisela touched Audrey’s hand. “I’m thankful you did. Friedrich may be my half brother, but we grew up as siblings. I never knew of my father’s affair until later. I understood why Friedrich left to go fight Hitler. It was for his mother. For himself.”
Audrey studied Gisela’s face, afraid to ask the question that burned in her mind. Afraid of the answer. “Why are you here, Gisela?”
“About a year ago,” Gisela said, “Friedrich wrote to me and asked me to come. Ilse was unwell and he couldn’t manage caring for her and Daniel whilst also maintaining his cover at work.”
“Unwell?” Audrey repeated, as fear surged in her chest. “What’s wrong?”
Gisela sighed. “She had been short of breath, even just going up the stairs. She fainted on several occasions, once whilst at the stove, and sustained a bad shoulder injury. She was weak, and getting weaker. Friedrich managed to find a sympathetic doctor, who thinks it’s some sort of heart condition.”
Audrey shook her head. “This doesn’t make any sense. She’s so young.”
“The doctor says the problem has likely been there for years. Possibly her whole life. But it has worsened in the past year.”
“Why?”
Gisela shook her head.
“What’s the treatment?” Audrey asked.
Gisela glanced away.
“Gisela.”
“There is none,” she said quietly. “The doctor has been here several times in the past few weeks. She hasn’t long left, I’m afraid.” Gisela paused. “Ilse is dying, Audrey.”
Her words echoed in Audrey’s ears.
“I am terribly sorry,” Gisela went on. “But it is in God’s hands now.”
Audrey didn’t want to believe it. She tried not to. This simply couldn’t be.
“She never said anything,” she said, stricken. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
Gisela’s eyes were full of sympathy. “She did not want to worry you, she said. You had enough—”
Audrey rose. “I need to see her.”
On the stairs, the familiarity of the house hit Audrey like a sharp blow to the chest. She had hoped to come back, but it had always felt like a distant dream that might never come true. And now this homecoming burned, sour and acidic.
Outside Ilse’s room, she hesitated, afraid to startle her, but there was no way her arrival would not come as a shock.
She knocked.
Ilse’s voice came through. “Come in.”
Audrey’s gut clenched at the sound, and the sudden realization that she might not have much longer to hear it, if what Gisela said was true. She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned the handle with a creak.
And there was her best friend in all the world, her dearest love, sitting up in bed in her nightgown, a light blue crocheted blanket slung round her shoulders.
“Audrey!” Ilse gasped, and her chin started to tremble. “Oh my God. Oh my God.” She held out her arms and Audrey rushed into them, wrapping her own around Ilse’s small body. Before Audrey’s arrest, Ilse had gained back some of the weight she’d lost in hiding, but she’d lost it all again, plus some. Her fragility was a shock, and Audrey tried not to squeeze too tightly.
Audrey pulled back. There was no weakness in Ilse’s dark eyes, though. “Ilse—”
Her friend shook her head, at a loss for words. They were finally here. Together. Both alive, after all that had happened, after so many wretched years of separation. Warm spring sunlight crept in through the window, which was opened a crack; the chirp of birds and the scent of lilac wafted in on the breeze. The bedside table lamp was on, a notebook and pencil set beside it.
Ilse was smiling through heaving sobs, and Audrey leaned in and held her again, inhaling her. Her hair tickled the side of Audrey’s cheek.
“Is it true?” Audrey managed.
Ilse exhaled, trying to steady her breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she whispered. “I couldn’t bear it. I had hoped it would all turn out to be nothing of concern. It got better sometimes, then worse, then…” She cleared her gummy throat, and pulled away gently. “You were in prison. I only wanted to bring you good news, speak of happy things. Happier times.” Her voice wavered. “But you haven’t been honest with me either,” she said, taking in Audrey’s jutting shoulders and collarbone. “You’re skin and bones, and your hands…” She took them in her own. “Friedrich told me about the interrogation. I’m so sorry, Audrey. But tell me everything now, please. We must lay it all out.”
Audrey sighed. She knew Ilse thought she wanted to know, but she didn’t. Not really. Audrey didn’t even think she could bear to relay it all, anyway. Not yet. So she settled for some half-truths, telling Ilse her tale but stopping short of the full story where the reality became too unbearable. She didn’t tell her about how Wen had died. She couldn’t bear to speak of death with Ilse, who followed Audrey’s story for the better part of an hour, all the way up to her own front door that afternoon. When she finished, they both sat for a minute in silence.
“You’re still here because some judge thought you unusually brave,” Ilse said.
“Or mad,” Audrey said.
Ilse smiled weakly. “Why does that not surprise me?”
Audrey squeezed her hand. “And Friedrich? Gisela told me.”
Ilse averted her gaze. “He’s been so good to me. I know I told you some of it in my letters, but I want you to know that. I really did come to love him. Truly. And he loves me. We’re a good match. And now he won’t be here when—” She looked at Audrey, eyes red. “We talked about fleeing, before Berlin fell, to try to avoid his arrest. But I was too ill to travel, and he wouldn’t leave me. He said he hoped to be able to prove himself, but…” Audrey watched her with sympathy. “He was wonderful with Daniel too. He was as good as a father. It was a joy to watch. God, poor Daniel. He was so distraught when Friedrich was arrested. He still asks for him. All I can tell him is that he’s gone. How can I ever explain this to him?”
“We would have been lost without Friedrich,” Audrey admitted.
“I’m so grateful he called for Gisela when he did, once it was clear that things would be getting more difficult,” Ilse said. “I resisted it at first, but thank God, given what happened. She’s been so kind to me too. I’ve been very fortunate.”
