“Is me,” she said.
He looked away from her, his head haloed in neon light.
“Having fun?” he asked.
“I am,” she said, more pointedly than she’d intended. “You?”
“You know me.” He shrugged. “I have good time if everyone else has good time.”
Bonnie nodded and they were quiet again. She did know him. Pavel looked down at the glistening pavement. The neon lights formed molten puddles of brash blue and orange around his shoes.
“I didn’t know you smoked cigars,” she said.
Pavel snorted softly and made a self-mocking face.
“I don’t.”
He took another pull and blew smoke toward his feet.
“I saw you inside dancing,” he said without looking at her. “That man you came with…is the reason you went to L.A.?”
“Peachy?” Bonnie scoffed.
“Why funny?” asked Pavel. “He is handsome man.”
Bonnie laughed again.
“I guess he is. It’s just…It’s not like that with him. He owns the bar I was bouncing at. And I’m pretty sure he’s taking home a ring girl tonight.”
She looked up at him, and in the shadows of his face, she saw neither relief nor concern.
“Is good to see you enjoying yourself,” he said eventually. “Has been long time.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t been in New York since…”
Pavel shifted and cleared his throat. Bonnie noticed, with a strained feeling in her chest, that he seemed uncomfortable alone in her presence now.
“And you okay at gym?” he asked. “You happy with Felix?”
“You threw in the towel,” said Bonnie suddenly. “How could you do that to me? Me?”
For the first time, his eyes met hers.
“I should never have let you in that ring,” he said. “I will live with that shame for the rest of my life.”
Bonnie shook her head.
“I wanted to fight.”
“But it’s my job to protect you. I failed at that.”
Bonnie searched his face for some understanding.
“Is that why you avoid me at the gym?” she asked. “Because you feel guilty?”
“With you,” he said softly, “I don’t think clearly. You’re safer with Felix.”
Bonnie cast her eyes down.
“You know I would rather have died in the ring than have you do what you did,” she said in a low voice. Then she looked at him, unable to contain herself. “So would you! So would any real fighter!”
Pavel dug his gaze into her like a jab. When he spoke, his voice was fierce.
“I know you wanted to die that night,” he said. “But not because you are boxer. Because of your sister. And no, I did not let you. I regret that you fought, but I do not regret ending the fight, even though you will never forgive me. You do not owe anyone your life.”
“It was Nicky,” Bonnie said. “Nicky.”
“And you are you,” he said.
“She brought me to you. She’s the reason I’m here.”
Pavel looked away, pained.
“She was…very precious,” he said eventually.
“She was more than that,” said Bonnie. “She was—” But there was no word for what Nicky had been. “Everything,” she settled on.
Pavel turned back to her and smiled sadly. He tapped his temple.
