‘Hey, I’m a Camden boy,’ he said, smiling easily back. ‘I’m just as much of a north Londoner as you are.’
‘Not for much longer. You’ll be wining and dining with sheikhs in Dubai soon.’
Zak grimaced. ‘I wish I wasn’t going out there alone.’ He inched closer to me, a move so subtle that I didn’t think he had noticed it himself. But I did. I shuffled nervously away from him until my back was once again pressed against the wall.
‘What about that girl?’ I managed to say, avoiding looking into his eyes. ‘Why don’t you get your nikah done so she can go with you?’
‘What girl?’ Zakariya looked confused, as though he had no idea who I was talking about. His reaction irritated me and my voice rose a level.
‘The Ally Pally girl?’ I said, watching his reaction carefully. ‘The one I saw you with? Why are you acting like you don’t know who I’m talking about?’
‘Oh, her,’ he chuckled softly, refusing to rise to the bait. The sound of his laughter tugged on my heartstrings and instantly calmed my frazzled nerves. ‘The thing is . . . she’s actually my cousin.’
‘What?’ I stood upright in horror. ‘You’re marrying your cousin?’
‘No! She lives in Scotland. I was showing her around!’
‘I could have sworn you said—’
‘What was I supposed to say, when you told me the guy you were with was your date?’ Zakariya interrupted me, agitated. ‘I didn’t want to look like a fool who was holding on for no reason.’
There was a silence as I digested this and searched his face for clues about how he might have been feeling. He looked back at me and there was no mistaking what was in his expression, his voice, his eyes.
‘What were you holding on to?’ I whispered, the electricity crackling between us.
‘You,’ he said simply. ‘I was holding on to the thought that maybe one day, you would like me too. I wish you were coming with me. I know I have no right to ask it from you, but I can wish it, can’t I?’
My breath caught in my throat as I struggled to come up with a witty reply, some sort of joke to diffuse the charge in the air. My mind didn’t comply and I stood there, silently and stupidly, my legs like panna cotta. I dared to look up at him again and this time, his eyes were sad. Every part of me ached to wrap my arms around him and make that sadness go away and just as I geared myself up to give in to the overwhelming urge to be close to him, my phone buzzed, interrupting the moment and releasing the tension. I both resented the intrusion and was grateful for it. What was I thinking, planning to hug a man outside my cousin’s mehndi party, where all my family had gathered? I was going crazy, there was no other explanation.
‘Excuse me,’ I managed to say as I checked it.
NOAH: Maya, can we talk? I really miss you and I’ve realised that I don’t care if you copied my list. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t know the real you. I’m really sorry for how I reacted . . . I guess I needed some time to process it all. Please forgive me x.
I read and reread the message, my hands trembling. Why was Noah messaging me now, at this precise moment, after ghosting me for weeks? Was it a divine sign that Noah was the one I was supposed to be with, not Zakariya? I had been praying for clarity, direction. Was this the answer to my prayers?
‘Everything OK?’ Zak asked, shuffling from one foot to the other, discomfort oozing from him. His voice snapped me out of my stupor and I looked up at him standing there in his black shalwar kameez and all our little moments together began to flood my mind. The way he always looked out for me, was always ready to help me. He was dependable. And sexy AF. I thought back to how I had rejected him more than once, but yet there he stood, baring his soul once again, despite claiming that he never would.
‘Everything’s fine,’ I replied, as clarity dawned on me like a new day, pushing away the clouds and filling my life with light. The sign wasn’t Noah’s text. The sign was Zak, here in front of me, liking me for exactly who I was, not who he thought I was, jinn dance and all.
I put my phone back into my clutch bag as the tension that had been gripping my shoulders began to ease. I would respond to Noah later. I needed to do it properly, not in the middle of my conversation with Zakariya.
‘In fact,’ I continued, smiling up at him, everything’s better than fine. Shall we go inside and sit down with a cup of masala tea?’
‘Uh. OK?’
‘We’ve got a lot to talk about.’ Grabbing his hand, I gently led him towards the door. He looked at my hand like it belonged to an alien, as though he couldn’t quite believe what was happening, and I dropped it the moment I opened the door to the hall. It wouldn’t do to give the aunties fodder for their gossip session.
‘We do?’ he asked, looking confused as he followed me through the corridor that led to the hall, which felt like utter chaos after the calm outside. It was noisy, people pushed past us as they looked for the toilets, children ran by chasing balloons, but despite the mayhem, I had never felt so at peace.
‘We need to figure out how we’re going to do this,’ I said boldly, tiptoeing to bring my lips closer to his ear, so he could hear me above the music and chatter. ‘You’re leaving in two weeks, I’m not. My course is only a year. I’m sure we can figure something out.’
‘What? Are you messing with me?’ Zak stopped to stare at me, his mouth falling open in shock.
‘I’m not messing with you, fam,’ I said in my most London, Top Boy accent, looking up at him as he continued to gawk at me as though waiting for the punchline. ‘You wanna do this or not?’
‘I do,’ he said, and a smile so bright it could illuminate the room spread across his face.
We stood there in the doorway to the hall and smiled at each other. Big, cheesy, silly smiles. All around us, people danced, kids jumped away on the bouncy castle, elders sat around the tables chewing paan and drinking tea, but at that moment, it felt like we were the only two people in the room.
Later that night, when I was back at home and in bed, my feet sore and my mind still blown from all that had happened at the mehndi, I replied to Noah:
MAYA: Hey Noah, thanks for reaching out to me, I appreciate it. I honestly didn’t mean to trick you into thinking I was something I wasn’t. I suppose I’ve had a hard time lately figuring out who I am and I’m sorry for getting you caught up in it.
Thank you for everything you have shown me and taught me through your list – I will always be grateful to you for giving me the gift of adventure and exploration, both within me and in the world around me. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but you were right when you said we are too different.
Take care, Noah. I wish you all the best, always x.
