“Well—”
“Never mind. You haven’t even looked at a guy objectively since the Ice Age. You wouldn’t know hot if someone put a burning coal in your hand.”
Nora was nothing if not blunt, and Carly loved her for it. Because Nora also loved Carly fiercely and had risen to her defense more times than Carly could count.
“This guy is hot. Like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Yes! I can’t believe it!” Carly pictured Nora pumping her hand in celebration. “You finally met a man who can make you forget about your dumb childhood crush.”
“It’s Liam—”
“I haven’t forgotten his name. How could I? I mean, you’ve been obsessed with this boy from sixteen years ago, comparing every poor schmuck who comes along to some glorified memory of a high-school jock you’re never going to see again.” Nora altered her voice to a high, squeaky one Carly hoped didn’t resemble her own. “‘Jack’s eyes aren’t as pretty as Liam’s. Liam’s dimples are even deeper than Evan’s. Carter is built, but he’s flabby compared to Liam.’ What guy could ever compete with someone like that?”
“But—”
“Listen... that accident was tragic. And I’m sure you’re feeling extra melancholy with the anniversary coming up. It’s like an emotional burden that never goes away. I think that’s why you romanticized Liam all this time. It was your way of dealing. But I’m excited you’re finally getting over him.”
“Wow...” Carly struggled to take a breath, like someone had knocked the wind out of her. “I didn’t know you felt so strongly about Liam.”
“Please don’t be mad, okay? I’m sure Liam was a great guy. I just feel like he’s unknowingly held you hostage all these years. It’s as if the accident was your fault, and you were making up for it by keeping him on top of your own personal pedestal.”
Was that what Carly had done?
“Everything I said about Liam was true.” She couldn’t keep the tremble out of her voice.
“Jiminy Cricket! I hurt your feelings, didn’t I? Me and my diarrhea of the mouth. I’m sorry, okay? Forget I said anything about Liam, and tell me about this guy you met today.”
“I need you to understand... the reason I liked Liam wasn’t just his looks.” Carly swallowed hard. “He was the kind of guy who treated everyone the same. He was popular because he liked all the kids. Liam was friends with the nerds and drama geeks, along with the jocks and the cheerleaders. He didn’t care how much money you had or where you lived or the color of your skin.”
“I remember you said all that stuff about him.” Nora said in a conciliatory tone. “And just because you’ve met a guy you’re interested in doesn’t mean you’re somehow being unfaithful to Liam. This is a good thing, Carly. You’re moving on.”
“I’m not exactly moving on.”
“Baby steps, girlfriend. Baby steps. You’ve made it over the first hurdle—admitting this new guy is the hottest guy you’ve ever seen. Now tell me all about him. What’s his name? What does he look like? Did he ask you out?”
“It’s Liam.”
“Are you kidding me? This guy’s name is Liam, too?”
“Nora, the man I met is Liam. The Liam. The guy I had a crush on all these years.”
“No!” Nora sounded like Carly had told her she was dating a serial killer. “Your brother’s best friend? The guy in the accident?”
“And he’s even hotter now than he was back then. And just as nice. He was sitting beside me in first class.”
“Wait... I thought Liam was paralyzed in the accident.”
“Yes, but only from the waist down. He’s overcome so much, and his attitude is unbelievable.”
“Of course it is.” Sarcasm dripped from her words. “And now, sixteen years later, he wants to date you? I thought you told me he hated you. You said his family sued your family, and your dad lost his job. I’ve never questioned you before, but doesn’t that make you even the slightest bit angry? You’d already lost your brother, and they took everything else you had.”
“They did sue us. And Dad spent all our savings on attorney fees. But that’s not why he lost his job. He got fired because he was too depressed to show up at work after Ben died.”
Nora let out a loud, exasperated breath. “Okay, it was one thing for you to dream about your old crush from when you were a freshman in high school. But it’s another thing for you to think about having a relationship with the guy who was partially responsible for your brother’s death and your family’s bankruptcy. I honestly don’t see how you could forgive all that.”
“He made a foolish mistake, just like my brother.” Carly’s intestines twisted like pretzels. “It was easy to forgive both of them. It’s me I can’t forgive.”
“But you didn’t do anything,” Nora protested.
The lump of air Carly gulped traveled slowly down her throat. She’d already confessed her secret once tonight, and it hadn’t been as painful as she’d feared. It was time to come clean with Nora, the one person in her life she could count on to give her honest opinion.
Even if it stings.
“Nora, if I confess something, will you promise not to tell a soul for the rest of your life?”
“What? You dare to question my secret-keeping ability? I still hold confidences told to me in kindergarten. You can ask Marilou Applebaum.”
“Okay.” Carly sucked in air, expanding her ribcage. “Please don’t judge me. Here it is...”
The story spilled out, but more slowly than when she’d told Fordham, with Nora stopping her to ask for clarifications. Carly told her everything, from her magnetic attraction to Liam and their awkward interactions on the plane, to the lie she’d told the night of the accident in hoping to win Liam’s affections.
“This explains a lot.” Nora tsk-tsked her disapproval. “I think this is why you’ve been stuck on Liam for sixteen long years. You couldn’t stand the idea that your brother was to blame because that dishonored his memory. And if you couldn’t blame Ben for his decision to drink and drive, you couldn’t blame Liam, either. You had to blame someone, so you blamed yourself. You were the perfect scapegoat.”
Carly had expected Nora’s condemnation for the lie... or at least her disappointment. Nora had missed the point.
“Were you even listening? I said it wasn’t totally my fault. I know my brother shouldn’t have driven drunk. We shared in the responsibility.”
“Yet you make every excuse in the book for his drunk driving and cut yourself zero slack for not tattling. How is that fair? Those guys were two years older than you. They didn’t just tell a lie; they broke the law. When they got in that car, they risked not only their own lives, but the lives of other innocent people. And even if you had told your dad where they were, you don’t know if he could’ve gotten to them in time to prevent the accident. How can you be angry at yourself and not be mad at your brother? How can you heap so much blame on your own head and not give any to Liam?”
