“You think?” I sit up straighter, my body leaning closer to Erik’s. He must be at least three feet away, but I’m so interested in hearing him that I reduce the distance between us. “I mean, Lars said he likes to learn more about his coworkers on a personal level...and I got the impression that if he likes me enough, then...” I trail off, and Erik picks up.
“Yes. That’s how Lars is. If he likes people, he rewards them. He cares about job performance, of course, but he’s very much about personal relations. He has his favorites, and it’s not bad to be on good terms with him.”
I drag myself even closer and sit cross-legged in front of Erik. “What can I do to make Lars like me?”
Erik laughs. “Are you asking me how to cheat your way into a promotion?”
I frown. “No. Of course not. I don’t want to cheat my way in.” I drink my soda to its last drops.
Erik keeps smiling. “I’m messing with you, Sol. You want to make a good impression, obviously, and I can tell you how.” He lifts a finger as he enumerates. “First, be yourself. Second, be social. Third, be nice.”
I wave my hand in the air dismissively. “No pep talk. I want data.” He lifts an eyebrow, studying me, and I roll my eyes. “Come on, you know the guy. Tell me what makes him tick.”
Erik’s gaze travels to the window like he is going to ignore me. “Are you sure that’s what you want, Sol?”
“Why are you saying that?” I look at him, suspicious. He said it was his wish to work on his personal project that drove him to quit. But could Lars have been the culprit somehow? Could Erik have been so dissatisfied with the way things worked at the company, he couldn’t stand his job anymore?
Like me not that long ago?
“I’m just wondering if you’re sure your dream job is at Scorpio.” There is bitterness in his voice and resentment in his eyes, and I want to feel empathy for whatever his situation was, but I find myself unable to. He is judging me for wanting to work in the company that no longer suited him. We are so different from each other—we were born different, in opposite hemispheres—and he will never know my struggles.
My defensive instincts kick in. “Just because you didn’t want to work there, doesn’t mean it’s not the place for me.”
I regret my answer as soon as it’s out, and Erik’s icy eyes make me feel worse. Maybe he wasn’t judging me, just trying to warn me, prompting me to think things through. I didn’t ask for that kind of advice, but I also didn’t have the right to be rude and poke an open wound.
I sigh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s fine.”
It isn’t. He rises to his feet. Now he will leave me to finish the bed alone.
I stand up too. “Look, I’ve had my doubts about Scorpio. But game director is my career goal, like I told you. I’ll come up with an idea for an original game, and I’ll work on it from start to end. No more making similar levels again and again.”
He stops at the door and turns around. “It sounds like you hate your job.”
Ugh, why does he have to make everything out to be so terrible and hopeless?
“I don’t hate it. I’m just ready for something more challenging.”
He looks at me like he doesn’t believe me. But who cares?
“Lars needs to see that I can handle it.”
“All Lars will see in the Fun Season is how fun and social you can be.”
“But from what you say, that goes a long way.”
Erik gazes at me, serious. “Lars favors people who are a lot like him,” he says, his eyes narrowed in dislike for the words he’s uttering.
The information should surprise me, but it doesn’t. “Details, please.”
“People who are committed. People in relationships. People who have children. People who live a stable life and have a plan.” Erik rolls his eyes as if he thinks this is all ridiculous, but the words keep flowing out of his mouth. “Lars loves Copenhagen and identifies with those who want to stay here for the rest of their lives. He likes competitive people. Extroverts. Winners.”
Erik got it all right. That’s Lars. It shouldn’t be hard to please him when I know all this.
But I don’t fit the profile.
You can make it look like you do, can’t you? Larissa’s voice says in my head, even though I’m not quite sure she would say that to me in real life.
Without another word about Lars or Scorpio Games, we struggle with the bed again and finish it at last. Erik goes to the kitchen to cook his dinner, and I clean my room, put sheets on my brand-new bed, and lie down, exhausted.
I’m determined to make this place home—where I’ll acquire my independence, have a prosperous career, and find the version of Sol I could never be in Brasília because there were always too many people and concerns pushing me in other directions.
I already feel like I’m slowly getting there.
Nothing comes without struggle. Nothing comes without proving my value.
My parents taught me that when I was little, and I knew this philosophy would be taken to extremes here in Denmark, where I don’t belong.
But belonging is the reward, and there is nothing I want more than to belong here.
Seven
I never had tapas before, and I already love it. I make sure to say that out loud, following my resolve to appear as grateful, extroverted, and pleasant as possible in the first Group Lars event of the season. But as soon as I realize that I’m the odd one out in a group of Europeans who have eaten tapas several times in their lives, I get shy, overly aware of what I do and say.
Lars mentions his latest vacation in Spain, and everyone chats about how nice a country it is, as they have also been there. We are eight at the table, of which five are Danish. Chiara is Italian, but she has lived in Denmark for seven years, and George is English but has been here for three years.
I’ve never been anywhere on the continent but Denmark. All I know about other European countries comes from movies, books, and news articles, so I just listen when they talk about their favorite Spanish regions, beaches, and dishes.
