‘I know something has happened. Because ever since the Firehouse Awards, you’ve been different.’
‘What do you mean?’ Her heart was racing.
‘Don’t panic. I just mean that I’ve noticed some things. You seem …’ Minnie paused. ‘Dissociated.’
‘Oh.’ She was not expecting her to use that word.
‘You just seem distant. And after walking into the office and seeing you like that, I’m a little concerned. Do you see a therapist?’
‘No.’
Rose had tried therapy after Richard left. She and Lola had used the same therapist, Chris, a middle-aged man that always wore odd socks. Rose would go in right after her mum and watch the clock for sixty minutes. She couldn’t remember much from those sessions aside from being bored. But she could recall the musty scent of that room they sat in. How there were cobwebs creeping over every ceiling corner. How the lime-green sofa she sat on was sunken in the middle. How the room had no windows.
She only saw him for a few months before Lola told her they’d no longer be going there. Rose later found out this was because Chris kept asking her mother to go on a date.
‘I think it could be worth trying it again,’ said Minnie, after Rose explained how this had put her off therapy. ‘I’ve been seeing the same therapist for twenty years. And we’ve only just started addressing the sister I don’t talk to,’ she said and laughed.
‘How come?’ asked Rose innocently.
‘Oh, because we spent the first twenty years discussing the sister I do speak to.’
Rose smiled. ‘I’m fine, really, Minnie. I’m sorry I worried you. It’s just been a weird summer.’
‘Do you ever speak to your father?’
‘No. I don’t even know where he lives.’
‘But he sends you and your mother money still, right?’
‘Yes. I don’t know why. Maybe because he has so much. Maybe because he thinks charities are ponzi schemes. Maybe out of guilt for leaving us … I’m not sure.’
‘You could always look at the bank statements to see where he’s sending them from. If you’d like to know where he is, I mean.’
‘I have thought about that.’
‘But you haven’t looked?’
‘No. Not yet.’ Rose paused. ‘I’m not sure I want to know.’
‘I understand that.’
They continued into Green Park, finding a sun-soaked path lined by lofty trees.
‘Look, I know you’ve been working hard on the launch,’ Minnie said. ‘And I appreciate everything you’ve done for it. But if you don’t want to come and work on the night, I will understand. Maybe it’s best you take some time off instead.’
‘No, no. I’ll be there. I really don’t need any time off.’
‘Rose, do you enjoy what you do?’
‘Yes.’
‘Be honest.’
‘Okay. I do enjoy it. I promise.’ Rose took a deep breath. ‘I just sometimes feel like the, erm …’ She paused, feeling her chest tighten. ‘Some of it is just a bit strange and I wonder if I’m maybe too … I don’t know … sensitive to handle it?’
‘What is it exactly that you find strange?’
‘The celebrity stuff.’
‘Go on.’
‘Well, it’s all of it. Isn’t it? We only really sell magazines now because of them. What they said about their ex from five years ago in an interview or what they think of some political movement they pretend to be involved in. Or because they tell us what they put on their face every morning, or what their favourite pilates move is. I don’t know why everyone cares so much.’
‘You really think people would care about celebrities if we didn’t tell them to?’
‘Maybe not. Honestly, when I started here, it was all so …’
‘Intoxicating?’
‘Yes. But then you see what it’s really like. And I guess, you see the humanity of it all. The illusion vanishes. And what’s left behind is pretty hideous. It’s hard to even look at it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘We propel these people, talented people, sometimes, into stardom, right? We treat them like superior beings. Like they transcend humanity purely because they can, I don’t know, sing to a tune or pretend to be someone they’re not. But by doing that, we …’ She paused, taking a breath. ‘We give them a power they don’t deserve. Power they haven’t always earned. I guess, maybe that could be dangerous. Like, if someone wants to exploit that power. Sorry, I’m rambling.’
‘What did Milo do, Rose? You can tell me.’
‘Oh, no, no. He didn’t do anything,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I mean, other than just being a bit rude.’
