We all need more peace in our lives. And the war for peace starts in our minds.
Children sometimes have night terrors. Have you ever heard of those? A child wakes up from one, and they’re not just scared; they’re terrified. Some of us have mind terrors all the time—day or night. These mind terrors distract us and divert our course. But in this chapter, I’m going to unpack how to attain the perfect peace that surpasses all understanding and guards our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.[1]
Galatians 5:22–23 says, “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Circumstances attempt to steal our peace, joy, and rest. In our day, we can’t drive in traffic, stand in line at a store, or shop online without losing our peace.
I’ve studied peace before and prayed it over myself, but I don’t know if I’ve ever taken time to peel back its layers. I feel like I’ve spent my whole forty-something years trying to arrange my life just right to make it peaceful, but peace can’t be manufactured. Peace comes from Christ and from Christ being with us. You can be in the middle of a storm and still have peace because Christ is with you. You can be fighting a battle and still have peace because Christ is with you. You can face debt from school loans and still have peace because Christ is with you. Stop waiting for your circumstances to change. Yes, God has a plan and purpose for your life and situation, but don’t wait to have peace until things seem to come together. We need peace even when our situation remains the same. That thought really convicted me. I’ve been trying to create peace my whole life when it’s been available the whole time.
God wants to teach us to recognize peace. Second Corinthians 4:8 says, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.” Trials will come. You’re probably in a trial or have family or friends that are facing a trial, but you can still have peace until your situation changes. Isn’t that the best news? You don’t have to wait until the breakthrough; peace can be your breakthrough. You can be alone but not feel alone.
The Bible tells how Jesus is our Prince of Peace. Isaiah prophesied, “To us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder.” Isaiah was prophesying Jesus’s birth here. He continued, “His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6, ESV). He’s our Wonderful Counselor. Whatever weight we’re carrying isn’t too heavy for Him, because He’s our Mighty God, our Everlasting Father, and our Prince of Peace. Here’s the deal: Jesus is with you. He loves you. “He will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV). He wants to hold your hand through whatever storm you’re facing. He wants to teach you to recognize His peace and His presence. He struggled through storms. People betrayed Him. But He still had peace in the midst of life.
I’ve spent too much time waiting for life to all line up correctly. I want to learn how to be peaceful when life is chaotic, because we live in the real world.
Peace is so different from just stillness, calmness, and quiet. Look at this biblical definition of peace: “the joining or binding together of what has been broken, divided, or separated.”[2] Meditate on that for a second. “The joining together of broken parts” is the biblical definition of peace.
Peace means “the joining together of that what has been divided.”
Certain life situations hijack our peace, and the pressures of life constantly attack it. I want to alert you to some attitudes, mindsets, and circumstances that are trying to steal your peace.
Abandonment
So many of us have felt abandoned or have actually been abandoned. Maybe a boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with you. Maybe a husband cheated on you. Maybe a family member walked out on you. Maybe a friend deserted you. Jesus also knows what it feels like to be abandoned. His disciples, His friends, deserted Him right as He needed their presence the most. So He knows how it feels to be forgotten. He knows how it feels to be left. He knows how it feels to not be valued. One of the many reasons I wrote this book is that I want every woman—no matter her size, her situation, or her skin color—to know she is loved, valued, and believed in because she has a Savior who died on the cross for her.
Jesus talked to His friends and said, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me” (John 16:31–32, MSG). So even if you’ve been walked out on, you’re not abandoned. Even if your family doesn’t talk to you, you’re not abandoned. Jesus continued, “I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace” (verse 33, MSG). When those lies come your way, remind yourself that you haven’t been abandoned, because your Father is right there with you.
As I was working on this chapter, I had to examine my own heart and ask, “Do I have an issue with the spirit of abandonment?” I want to tell you a little piece of my story. My mom and dad fell in love, and I was born, but my dad was in college on a track scholarship and decided to abandon his post as a father to finish school. So my mom raised me by herself. When I was growing up, I don’t remember asking, “Where’s my dad? Why is my dad not around?” My mom covered for him really well, but as I got older, I would go to weddings and see fathers give their daughters away. That’s when I realized what I had been missing out on, but I just kind of went along with my life.
My uncle Fred, who acted as a father figure to me, actually gave me away at my wedding, but now he’s in heaven. I first felt abandoned when he passed away from cancer, because he covered for my father like my mom did. Suddenly, I didn’t feel safe anymore. The truth about abandonment that I studied for this chapter brought me freedom because I realized I’m not alone. Christ is always with me. He never left. He just wants me to learn to recognize Him. Sometimes you go through life, and the full impact of the trouble that you’ve faced doesn’t hit you until something specific happens. Until my uncle Fred died, I didn’t fully realize how abandoned I felt. Even now I take it really hard when a male friend lets me down, but God is working on me. I thought I was free from the sense of abandonment, but as I studied, a whole new layer of freedom was added to the freedom I already had. The good news is that even when all that crazy stuff was happening through my childhood and adulthood, God was always there and His grace has been so sufficient.[3]
Comparison
I want to change the way women do relationships. No gossiping. No backbiting. Only celebration. We as a sisterhood celebrate women who are a size two or forty-two. We celebrate the girls who might not have curves. We celebrate every single woman, no matter her season or her circumstances. We love all the girls in our worlds. We value them and we believe in them. This attitude isn’t the norm every place you go. You sometimes don’t feel that sense of encouragement and companionship when you go into stores. You sometimes don’t feel it at the gym. You sometimes don’t feel it at work. That’s why it’s so important that every girl reading this grasps the heart of what sisterhood is. You might not have ever seen or experienced healthy girl relationships, but God is writing on your heart what sisterhood really means: a girl gang who has your back, who’s praying for you, who’s cheering you on, and who believes in you.
Perfectionism and comparison—these modes of thinking will steal your peace and your joy. I’m going to be your mentor for a second and tell you to stop comparing yourself with others. You’re beautiful exactly how you are. You’re beautiful. Stop trying to be perfect. So many of us are killing ourselves trying to be perfect, and that striving is hijacking our peace. You don’t have to be perfect. There’s only one perfect person, and His name is Jesus Christ. We can’t measure ourselves against our friends on social media, because it isn’t real. Most people, including me, take twenty pictures before they find the one they use. We all do it, so you can’t base what you think about families, kids, parenting, or exercise on social media posts. That can’t be your Bible. Yes, you can get inspired. Social media can be an awesome tool, but don’t let it be your mirror or your guide. Take the pressure off yourself. Just take a deep breath because no perfect mom, perfect student, perfect single person, or perfect girlboss exists. Nobody’s perfect. I’m far from perfect. We all have our crazy days. We all sometimes say things we wish we didn’t say. As much as I am in love with my husband, my marriage isn’t perfect. Sometimes we get on each other’s nerves because we’re human, but we’re quick to apologize. Just know that there’s no standard here except to fall more in love with Jesus. Then as you fall more in love with Him, He peels off the spirit of perfectionism and comparison.
Fear and Overthinking
These mindsets will try to paralyze you and rob you of peace. The following are some scriptures for those of us who are dealing with fear and anxiety.
Psalm 94:19 comforts me: “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy” (NIV).
You may struggle with overthinking or with anxious thoughts. I know I have. It’s important to remember where our peace comes from. John 14:27 reminds us, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (NIV).
Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Sometimes when you’re in a funk, you need to stop and remember what you’re thankful for; “then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand” (verse 7). I’m praying that God’s peace will guard the heart, mind, and life in Christ Jesus of every woman reading this.[4] I want you to pray this prayer for the girls in your world too.
Ephesians 2:13–14 says, “Now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace” (NIV). Don’t look for peace in your circumstances. Because they change, you might feel like you don’t have peace often. All hell can be breaking loose around you, but peace comes from within because its source is “Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27, NIV). Peace is with you because He is with you.
Even though peace is our birthright, in this broken world we have to work to keep our peace.
We have to work diligently to keep our peace. Psalm 34:14 instructs us, “Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.” You must be aggressive. Gray roots are starting to show around my crown, so I have to work to maintain all this black hair by dyeing my roots. I choose to maintain my hair; I know I don’t have to, because gray is gorgeous. My mother-in-law’s hair is gray, and she looks fierce. But it’s not the right time for me yet, so I have to fight against the gray. To continue to recognize peace, we have to spiritually maintain our hearts and our lives in the same way.
If you want to stay peaceful, you can’t just watch anything, do anything, or put yourself in any situation to stay peaceful. You have to work to maintain it. For example, if you’re in a season when you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it’s probably not the best time to watch a movie that is going to give you nightmares or put you on edge. If you’re walking through a breakup, it’s probably not the best idea to look at old photos. If you’re fighting body-image issues, it’s probably not wise to scroll through friends’ and influencers’ Instagram and compare yourself with them. Let’s set ourselves up to win and not make it harder on ourselves.
I’m committed to fighting for peace. During the pandemic when our world was turned upside down, it felt like peace was nowhere to be found. Even in our marriage, there were days when my husband wasn’t himself and I had to be the bigger person and vice versa. We were leading our church through what felt like hell on earth, homeschooling our kids, protecting our family’s health, and dealing with financial pressures, just to name a few challenges. On days when I knew I had reached my limit and couldn’t find peace anywhere, I would take a shower, blast worship music, and cry out to God.
It was in my fatigue that I would center my soul and fix my gaze on “the author and perfecter of [my] faith” (Hebrews 12:2, BSB). Those moments weren’t a magic wand, but they were a healing balm that would help flood my soul and spirit with an unshakable peace that sent fear and discouragement out the door.
Fighting for peace is done in the little, practical things. Here are a few ideas:
Screenshot the prayer below, print it out, and place it somewhere you’ll see it often to keep this prayer alive in your soul.
Do the same with any of the comforting scriptures included in this chapter.
Read God’s Word.
Get involved in a healthy church.
Find a good therapist or counselor.
Make a habit of writing gratitude lists.
Mentor someone younger than you.
I hope these ideas help some of you reading this, because you’re not alone. So many of us have to fight anxiety and fear in different ways each day. But my hope for all of us is that we recognize and know that peace is with us, has never left us, and will help and comfort us all the days of our lives.
Love peace. Learn to celebrate it. May we be women who love peace and avoid drama. May we be women who speak life, who strengthen one another, and who encourage one another. May we be women who build up and don’t tear down. May we be peacemakers.
We need to wear peace. Do you love shoes as much as I do? I love all kinds of shoes. I’m going through an ankle-boot phase currently, but I still love all shoes. Ephesians 6:15 says, “For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.” This means that we should keep our shoes of peace on every single day. Most of us don’t walk around barefooted when we leave the house, so think of putting on peace in the same manner. I want us to comprehend deeper levels of peace and learn to maintain it, because God needs us as His daughters to live above circumstances so we can see things change around us. Because here’s the deal: Life is so unpredictable. But if we can learn to navigate life even when it doesn’t turn out the way we planned, then we can learn to recognize that peace is with us and has never left us. His name is Jesus Christ. He loves you, He adores you, He believes in you, and He has a plan and a purpose for your life.
