“I did,” Chauncey said proudly. “Guess what it tasted like.”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
Chauncey’s eyes leaned forward, stopping only a couple of inches from Phee’s face. “Do you remember when Talia tried to make pecan pie but we were out of pecans so she used candy corn instead and there was so much sugar in it, Linus said it’d rot our teeth, but we ate it anyway and didn’t sleep for three days because we could all smell colors?”
“That’s what the pine cone tasted like?” Phee asked with a frown.
“No, I just like that story. The pine cone tasted bad, and it took forever to chew.”
Phee coughed, sounding like she was trying hard not to laugh. “You … you ate the whole thing?”
Chauncey blinked, first the left eye, then the right. “Ye-yes? Why?”
“Female pine cones have edible seeds called pignoli,” she explained. “They’re a little sweet, a little nutty. In Italy, they make pignoli biscuits.”
Chauncey’s skin darkened to the color of pine needles. “Are you saying I ate a girl? Oh no.” He threw his tentacles up in the air, tilting his head back. “I didn’t mean to do it! I fell on her and she just … went into my mouth?”
“Oh dear,” Linus said. Then, “Not a word, Parnassus. Not a single word.”
“Not like that,” Phee said. “Plants can be male or female, but not in the same way you and I are. They’re alive, but it’s different. Many plants are hermaphroditic, which means they’re both male and female. Like roses and lilies. When I say female, I just mean they’re the ones you get seeds from.”
Chauncey blinked. “Ohhh. I get it. So it’s not like eating people when I eat pine cones.”
“Uh. No?”
“Oh, thank God.” He looked away as his skin changed to a pea green. “They’re already scared enough of me as it is.”
“Absolutely not,” Linus muttered, starting to move toward the stop of the stairs.
Arthur took his wrist gently, pulling him back, shaking his head.
Linus’s mouth twisted angrily. “I’m not going to let Chauncey think he’s—”
“I know,” Arthur said quietly. “But let’s give Phee a chance.”
Phee reached out and tugged on the trench coat, pulling Chauncey toward her. He wrapped his tentacles around her, laying his eyes on the top of her head. “Did something happen?”
Chauncey sighed. “Maybe.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe.”
“You don’t have to do it right now, especially if you’re not ready.” She stroked his back.
“It’s stupid,” he mumbled. “A woman came in. She had, like, seven suitcases. And,” he continued dreamily, “Mr. Swanson”—the hotel’s lead bellhop, his true hero—“was busy with another customer, so I went to help her.”
“Sounds like you,” Phee said.
“But when I offered to take her bags for her, she screamed that a sea slug was trying to steal her belongings.”
“A sea slug?” Phee said. “Please. She should be so lucky.”
“Right?” Chauncey said, pulling out of the hug. “Mr. Swanson heard her and came over. I thought he was going to take her bags instead, but you know what he did?”
“What?”
“He told me that people like her aren’t welcome in our fine establishment, and then he kicked her out of the hotel!”
“Whoa,” Phee said, sounding as impressed as Arthur felt. “I bet that pissed her off.”
“I thought she was going to explode,” Chauncey said. “Then Mr. Swanson said it was lunchtime, and we ate sandwiches and he told me about all the other bellhops he’d met.”
“But,” Phee said.
“But,” Chauncey said, “I just don’t get it. All I want to do is help. I can’t control how I look. It’s not my fault I’m—”
“Handsome as crap?” Phee said.
Chauncey gaped at her. “What.”
“You’re handsome,” she said. “And even better, unique. I’ve never seen anyone look like you. Your eyes? Pfft, get out of here. Those are so cool. You think any of us could pull off a trench coat like you do? Remember how funny I looked when I tried on your bellhop cap? But when you put it on, all I want to do is pack a bag just so you can take it from me even though I’m not going anywhere.”
“I am pretty good at taking luggage.”
“You are,” she said. “I can’t tell you something like that won’t happen again. But all you need to do is remind yourself it’s on them, not you.”
“I’m not a monster,” Chauncey said.
