Miss Marblemaw smiled thinly. “I don’t know what kind of person you take me for, Mr. Parnassus, but I am offended at even the suggestion that I would harm the children in any way. The very idea is preposterous, and I will gladly take an apology, should one be on offer.”
“I’m not going to—”
“I see,” she said, scribbling something on her clipboard—uncomplimentary, no doubt—before adding, “Let’s try a different approach.” She looked up, expression bland. “I appreciate the gravity of this situation. I hope you do as well. While I do know quite a bit about you, I am nothing but a stranger to you. Let me share a little about myself.” She slid the pen into the top of the clipboard. “I’m not magical. I wouldn’t be in this position if I was. However, I do have talents of my own, one of which I think you might find interesting.”
“And what would that be?”
Miss Marblemaw said, “I am incapable of experiencing fear. Things that go bump in the night, large snakes with poisonous fangs, mortality, insects, slime, threats from a man who doesn’t understand the seriousness of the situation he finds himself in, nothing frightens me. It’s been that way since I could remember. The sooner you realize that, the better off we’ll be.”
Arthur paused, mind racing. Then, “I will keep that in mind. Since you are being up front with me, I will do the same with you. As you were sent by Miss Rowder, I assume you have an infestation going on.”
Her eyes bulged. “A what? How dare you—”
“Bugs,” Arthur said. “But not of the insect variety. I am, of course, speaking about listening devices similar to the one deposited in our hotel room before the hearing. If you have brought any with you, and I find that you’ve planted them in the house, you’ll be banished from the island immediately, regardless of whether you’ve finished your investigation. This is not a threat, it’s a fact.”
“You can’t banish me,” she snapped.
He shrugged affably. “Interesting that’s what you focused on, rather than a denial. But you’re right: I can’t banish you. Such powers are beyond me. That beings said, the island belongs to Zoe Chapelwhite, and you are here with her permission. If she does not want you here, you won’t be. Simple as that. Do we understand each other?”
The smug expression returned. “You have no proof Rowder or anyone else from DICOMY placed a bug in your room. And since there is no proof, what you’re saying constitutes slander. There are legal protections against such things, as I’m sure you’re aware.”
Arthur chuckled. “That I am. No bugs, Miss Marblemaw. The children are allowed their privacy.” He moved by her, stopping momentarily to glance over his shoulder. “Coming? Class is in session. You can meet the children after their lessons have finished.”
He almost burst into laughter the moment he walked into the classroom on the first floor, Miss Marblemaw close on his heels, the irritating scratch of her pen a constant reminder. For reasons known only to him, Lucy had changed his clothes again. He now wore dress pants, a button-up shirt, and a little tie half the length of Arthur’s forearm. As soon as he saw Miss Marblemaw walking in behind Arthur, his hand immediately shot up, fingers wiggling as he stood on the chair of his desk. The other children looked at Miss Marblemaw with a mixture of worry and interest.
Linus stopped in the middle of his lesson—Wednesday afternoons meant literature discussions—and frowned at Miss Marblemaw before looking at Lucy. “You had a question about the material?”
“I do not,” Lucy said loudly. “I just wanted to let you know that I love sitting at a desk in the middle of summer so that I can learn rather than play outside.”
Linus blinked. “You do? I mean, of course you do. Thank you for saying what we all already know.”
Talia’s hand rose. “I also would like to say that learning is so much fun. In fact, there is nothing I would rather do than learn from you, Mr. Baker.”
“Why are we calling him that?” Chauncey whispered loudly to Phee, glancing nervously at their new guest.
“Because of the scarecrow standing next to Arthur,” Phee whispered back.
Miss Marblemaw grunted and scribbled on her clipboard.
“She’s a scarecrow?” Chauncey exclaimed. “Oh my goodness. What will they think of next?”
“Children,” Linus said, pulling their attention back to him. “Let’s focus, please. Just because we have a visitor doesn’t mean we can ignore our studies. We should—”
Right then, a yeti sauntered into the room, cool as ice, his cape billowing behind him. He posed for a moment, hands on his hips, before glancing up at Miss Marblemaw and grinning, fangs on full display.
Miss Marblemaw’s eyes widened as she took a step back before stopping herself—not frightened, but startled?—mouth twisting. “What is that?”
David bowed, almost falling flat on his face, but managing to keep himself upright at the last second. “Greetings, fair lady.” He grabbed the back of her hand and slobbered a kiss onto it before she could snatch it away. “I heard tales of an inspector arriving on the island, but I never expected them to be so … you. Tell me, does your face normally look like that, or did you do it up special just for me?”
“Another child,” Miss Marblemaw whispered, eyes widening. “We knew—” She seemed to remember she was surrounded and her mouth snapped shut with an audible clack of her teeth.
David laughed. “A child? Miss, I am no child. I’m forty-seven years old.”
Linus groaned at the front of the classroom. Arthur, on the other hand, was extremely fascinated by this turn of events. When the children had said they had a plan for David, they hadn’t shared the particulars. Taking David’s acting abilities into consideration was a stroke of mad genius, even if it was more than a little ridiculous.
Miss Marblemaw squinted down at David. “You’re … what?”
“Nearly half a century,” David said cheerfully. “You might be asking yourself, How can a yeti of that age be so short? I’m so glad you asked! When I was but a young lad, I found myself between a rock and a hard place. Literally! I was trapped there for seven years until rescued by a traveling carnival, and it stunted my growth. But I don’t let it keep me down! After all, I’m an adult.”
Miss Marblemaw’s face twisted as if an offending odor had filled her nostrils. “You honestly expect me to believe that? If you aren’t a child, then why are you here?”
“Arthur and I go way back,” David said easily. “Rushed a fraternity together.”
“Arthur Parnassus was never in a fraternity,” she said. “Trust me when I say I’ve done my research. I know everything there is to know about him.”
“Do you?” Arthur asked Miss Marblemaw. “And you’re right, of course. I did not rush a fraternity during the time I furthered my education, but only because it was illegal for a magical being to join a human group. That wasn’t repealed until well after I’d left.”
“By rush, I meant we ran at it,” David said. “Because Arthur and I like to run, don’t we, old chap?”
“That’s exactly right,” Arthur said, reminding himself to have a conversation with David later about lying responsibly. “I appreciate you being here, David. Your support during this process means the world to me.”
“We’re going to have a beer later,” David told Miss Marblemaw. “Me and Arthur. Yep, gonna drink some beers and talk about the economy, just like the old days.”
“Is that right?” Miss Marblemaw asked. “Strange how that works out. You, here, looking like you do.”
David started to shrink in on himself. “I can be here if I want to,” he muttered. “I’m allowed to—”
“That’s right,” Sal said sharply. “You are allowed to be here.” He turned around, raising his hand. When Linus nodded at him, he said, “Before the interruption, we were discussing the negative effects of a totalitarian government, and the dangers language poses, especially when weaponized as propaganda.”
