“Yeah, man,” Sal said. “You talked about how you liked being a monster. You don’t want to hurt people, just scare them.”
“I would never hurt anyone,” David said quickly, popping his knuckles. “Honest.”
“We know,” Sal said. “But with how they’ve weaponized fear, I think it’s time we gave the government a taste of their own medicine, starting with Miss Marblemaw. She says she can’t experience fear. I say we put that to the test. They insist we’re monsters? Maybe we should show them just how monstrous we can be.”
“Are we going to kill her?” Lucy asked, head cocked. Before Arthur could answer—no—Lucy continued. “Because I don’t think we should.”
Arthur and Linus exchanged a glance of surprise. This was a curious turn of events, especially coming from one who advocated death and destruction with the same glee as he did his sticky buns. “While I’m relieved to hear that, may I ask what brought you to that decision?”
Lucy shrugged. “That’d only give the people who hate us reason to hate us more. And besides, I like being nice.” His eyes flooded with red, voice deepening. “Sometimes.” The red disappeared, and his voice returned to normal. “It makes my spiders sleepier when I do things to help others. I bet this will make them sleep for weeks.”
“Lucy’s right,” Linus said. “And while I admit to having concerns about how best to proceed, I think it’s high time Miss Marblemaw gets put in her place, without killing or maiming. Agreed?”
“Agreed,” everyone said at the same time.
“Stab her with kindness!” Chauncey yelled.
“Tell us,” Arthur said. “Leave nothing out.”
FOURTEEN
Later that morning, Harriet Marblemaw was released from the guesthouse. The windows turned from plastic to glass, and the front door swung open just as Miss Marblemaw decided that throwing her entire weight against it might do some good. Unfortunately for her, she missed the door completely and nearly fell down the porch steps.
“Ah,” Arthur said, standing in front of the house, hands clasped behind his back. “Miss Marblemaw. I wondered where you’d gone.”
“You imprisoned me,” she snarled, spittle flying from her mouth. “That sprite used magic against me without my permission! I will see her jailed for this!”
Zoe stepped out from behind Arthur, causing Miss Marblemaw to squeak. “You have my most sincere apologies,” she said. “I fear that we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. Thankfully, I have something for you to help make up for it.”
“I highly doubt anything you could give me will make up for your transgressions,” Miss Marblemaw said.
“And here I thought you’d appreciate a demonstration from one of the children, so you can see what they’re capable of. If that’s not—”
“No, no,” Miss Marblemaw said hastily. “You’re right. It’s important I see what they can do.”
Without looking away from the inspector, Arthur raised his voice and called, “Phee! Would you join me for a moment?”
She stepped out of the forest, bouncing an orange in her hand. She cast a cool glance at Miss Marblemaw before joining Arthur and Zoe.
“Why isn’t she in class?” Miss Marblemaw asked.
“Since we are nearly six months ahead of schedule with regards to their education,” Arthur said, “we’ve decided to give the children a day off to pursue their own interests.”
“I was communing with nature,” Phee said. “Listening to the trees.”
Miss Marblemaw looked like she didn’t believe her, but let it go. “I see. And you have a demonstration for me?”
“I do,” Phee said. “You ready?”
Miss Marblemaw snorted derisively. “I doubt all this fuss is necessary. If you’re going to do something, then do it. I don’t like to be kept waiting, especially when it appears efforts are being made to keep me from doing my job. But yes, show me a tree, or whatever it is you do.”
Phee smiled, tilting her head. “As you wish.”
As if she were bowling, Phee brought her arm back before swinging it in an arc. The orange hit the ground, bouncing and rolling toward Miss Marblemaw. The moment it left Phee’s hand and bounced on the earth, the peel split, tiny brown stalks with green leaves bursting through. As it rolled closer to Miss Marblemaw, the stalks became thin branches, scrabbling along the ground like the recently departed scorpion known as Beelzebub. By the time it came to a stop at Miss Marblemaw’s feet, the orange was a bundle of leaves and roots.
Miss Marblemaw peered down at it, mouth turned down. She tapped the leaves and roots with her foot. “Is that it? That’s what you can—”
The orange exploded outward and upward, the ground quaking beneath their feet. A tree shot up in front of Miss Marblemaw, at least twenty feet tall, the trunk thick and sturdy. The trees’ leaves were a deep, shiny green, surrounded by heavy oranges hanging from its branches. It took less than three seconds for the tree to reach its full height, the sound of its creation a loud, thundering roar. Miss Marblemaw was knocked against the porch, sliding down the steps until she landed on her rear on the ground.
“Oh no!” Phee cried, slapping her hands against her cheeks. “That certainly wasn’t supposed to happen! Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” Miss Marblemaw snapped, pulling herself up, much of her hidden by the branches of the tree. She looked it up and down before plucking a fat orange off it. Using her thumbnail, she pierced the orange, juice squirting out onto her knuckle. She squeezed it tighter until it squished between her fingers, pulp and juice falling to the ground. She dropped the ruined fruit, wiped her hand against her side, and said, “Thank you for that demonstration. You have proven that if the day comes when there is a country-wide shortage of fruit, we now know who will rectify the situation immediately. You get one courtesy point.”
“I used a fruit grenade and you gave me a courtesy point?” Phee demanded.
“A fruit what?”
“Uh,” Phee said. “I said fruit marmalade. Because everyone knows that fruit can be made into—”
“Two courtesy points,” Miss Marblemaw said. “And I won’t hear another word about it! You earned it, child.” She smiled. “Make sure you tell the other children how well you’re doing. I bet that’ll make them so jealous of you.”
“I’ll get right on that,” Phee said flatly.
“I knew you would! Now, let’s go see what everyone else is up to, shall we? After all, we’ve wasted enough time with this … display.” She rounded the tree, and without looking at Phee, Zoe, or Arthur, headed for the house.
“It appears Miss Marblemaw has taken a lesson from our own playbook,” Arthur said. “I feel as if I’ve just been stabbed. Not with kindness, per se, but whatever she considers to be the equivalent.”
“Too little, too late,” Phee said.
