The gasp that leaped from Mrs. Jordan’s throat silenced the classroom. “I think you might benefit from taking a little trip to visit my husband, young man,” she pointed.
“Hey, listen,” Grant held up his hands, “I was only trying to help expand your son’s vocabulary.”
“Get up and walk yourself down to the principal’s office,” Mrs. Jordan pointed. “We don’t talk that way in my classroom.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Grant sighed. “What did I do? Your son asked the question. I was only trying to use an analogy I thought he would understand. Tests act as prophylactics to learning like contraceptive prophylactics prevent…well, I’m not gonna explain that one to him, and if he doesn’t get it perhaps he needs to be the one to go down to the office to have a conversation with Daddy…not me.”
Mrs. Jordan crossed her arms. “Grant, please stand up from your chair and march yourself out of my classroom and straight down to the office before I send for someone to come and escort you there.”
Grant stood, laughing. “And what offence should I admit to committing?”
“Hailey,” Mrs. Jordan motioned. “Walk down the hall with Grant and see that he gets to where he’s supposed to be going.”
“Why me?” Hailey gulped, but she got up and did as she was told, staring silently at the floor as the two of them walked down the hall.
Grant was sitting in the principal’s office when Jack walked by. He poked his head in the door, concerned. “What happened? Why are you in here?”
“Hi, Jack, come-on in,” Principal Jordan motioned. “Your new friend and I aren’t exactly getting off on the right foot.”
Grant was looking away, staring at a tacky, yet colorful, styrofoam model of the planets that hung behind the principal’s desk. “You know…perhaps the memo hasn’t reached this bustling metropolis, but Pluto’s planetary status was recently revoked.”
“Zip it,” Jack sighed.
“Fine.” Grant held up his hands.
“It seems he’s been sayin’ some inappropriate things in my wife’s classroom,” Principal Jordan explained.
“What did you say, Grant?” Jack asked.
“Listen,” Grant declared. “I hate to infringe on the system, but classrooms in this country have become overrated social gatherings where one must abandon ideology, submit to authority and conform to the reckless indoctrination of America’s youth by a system overrun by educators who have become little more than babysitters. It is not only naïve, but dangerous, to continue to think that, just because someone is eight, thirteen, seventeen years old, he or she is not capable of inconceivably more than the powers- that-be seem to believe.”
“He is unbelievable, isn’t he?” Principal Jordan sighed as he sank down into his chair.
“Well,” Jack replied, glancing back and forth between his houseguest and his colleague, “I would agree, however, not in the negative sense you seem to suggest.”
“I can appreciate his candor up to a point, Jack,” Principal Jordan nodded, “but when he starts becoming offensive…”
“I apologize for my perceived lack of decorum,” Grant offered, “but you and your wife have managed to miss my entire point by focusing on something completely irrelevant…and immature, I might add.”
“What is all this about?” Jack insisted.
Principal Jordan motioned toward Grant. “I will give you the floor and let you explain what sort of things you find it appropriate to say in the presence of mixed company, including my wife and the coach’s daughter.”
“Honestly, Jack, it has all been blown way out of proportion,” Grant rolled his eyes. He turned back to Principal Jordan. “You’re the sheriff, right?” he smiled. “Just shoot me now.”
After the school day was over, Hailey showed Grant to the gym, and he had to admit that the basketball court was much nicer than he had imagined it might be. The walls were freshly painted; the floor was freshly lacquered, and the backboards were polished in anticipation of the new season.
“Nice,” Grant nodded as he looked around.
“We’re glad you approve,” Hailey smiled. “Our town pretty much revolves around high school basketball; I mean it’s not like we have a football team or a baseball team or anything like that. It’s all basketball all the time, so people get pretty fired up about it! Come-on, I’ll show you the locker room,” she offered.
They walked inside and found most of the team already dressed for practice. Grant was a little taken aback by the boldness with which Hailey burst into the guys’ locker room, but he chose not to comment on it as his eyes swept over the trophy case.
“So, you guys any good?” Grant asked Paul as Hailey disappeared.
Billy Wayne stood in what seemed to be his assigned spot next to Paul. “If we hadn’t had so many turnovers in the state championship game last season we would’ve won!”
“Let me see if I can put this is terms you’ll understand,” Grant nodded. “If a cow had wheels, it would be a milk truck.”
“We should have won state last year,” Paul insisted.
“Should have?” Grant inquired. “What does that mean?”
“Our star point guard sprained her ankle right before half-time…slowed her down and totally threw off her shot,” Paul explained as Grant began to change his clothes.
“Oh,” Grant scoffed, “so you mean the girls’ team almost won state last year? How did you guys do?”
“We don’t have a girls’ team,” Paul shrugged. “Small town…not enough interest.”
“Of course you have a girls’ team,” Grant laughed, trying to make sense of Paul’s revelation. “Because…”
“No, we don’t,” Hailey said, emerging dressed for practice with basketball in hand. “Now, hurry up…being late for class is one thing, but being late for practice is a whole other thing!”
Grant stared at Hailey, unable to speak.
“Wow,” Paul snickered. “Grant Cohen stunned to silence!”
