“Terrifying,” Grant said honestly. “You take a sixteen-year-old kid from middle- class suburbia who thinks he’s too tough to care, and you put him face-to-face with a bunch of murderers and gang bangers, and he gets a reality check really quickly.”
“Did you cry?” Hailey gulped.
“No,” Grant scoffed.
“Did you want to?” Hailey fired back.
“Heck yeah,” Grant sighed. “We were in there about ten minutes before the punk who had walked across the parking lot telling his dad what a stupid waste of time his idea was had become the little girl doing the best he could to hide behind the six-foot-six general. There was a guy with a swastika tattooed on his head, and he was reaching out from behind the bars, bragging about how he bludgeoned his brother to death. The wardens were telling us stories about murders occurring inside the prison, the most creative weapons crafted by the inmates; we walked along death row; we saw the guys in solitary confinement, and they yelled vulgar things at us as we passed by. My dad knew I was doing my best to put on a brave face, but he knew I was scared.”
“Most scared you’ve ever been?” Hailey raised an eyebrow.
“Unfortunately not,” Grant gulped.
Hailey nodded understandingly. “Okay,” she said. “Biggest regret?”
“That’s a little personal, don’t you think?” Grant grinned.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey rolled her eyes. “I thought that was the point of getting to know someone.”
“What’s your biggest regret?” Grant asked with a frown.
“My biggest regret is that I don’t remember my mama,” Hailey said honestly. “My biggest regret is that she never got to braid my hair or teach me to put on makeup, not that I would ever wear it, but I think that’s what mothers do. She never got the opportunity to see me grow up or watch any of my basketball games.”
“Hailey,” Grant sighed. “I’m sorry. I know you’ve been really open and upfront, but, for my sake, can’t we start out with an easier question? I guess I’m not very good at this game.”
“Okay,” Hailey conceded hesitantly. “What is your favorite snack?”
“Yellow Zingers, hands down, but you already knew that, right?” Grant replied confidently. “What about yours?”
Hailey thought for a moment. “Cheese pizza,” she said finally.
“That’s really less of a snack and more of a meal,” Grant shook his head.
“Shut-up!” Hailey laughed as she slapped his arm.
“Just sayin’,” Grant shrugged.
“Yes, you were just saying something sarcastic in hopes of making me forget that you have not answered one serious question,” Hailey blurted.
“You’re right,” Grant nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s just not as easy for me as it seems to be for you.”
Hailey gently ran her fingers through Grant’s hair. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything,” she whispered.
“There is one part of me that wants to tell you everything, but there is this other part of me that knows that would be a mistake on so many levels,” Grant shook his head. “I don’t let people get too close.”
“Even me?” Hailey asked innocently.
“Especially you,” Grant nodded. “Like I told you before, Hailey, I walk away from people. That’s what I do; that’s what I’ve had to do all my life. I’m good at it! I’m good at lying because it makes things easier on everyone. I can walk away from anyone and never look back. At least I could, until this past summer when I let my guard down for a brief moment and let this amazing girl into my world. You wrecked my head and my heart, Hailey. I pulled away; I tried to break ties; I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t. You are the only person in this world that I can’t walk away from, and that scares me more than you could possibly know. I’m scared of getting close to you because experience tells me that would be a colossal mistake. In your world, you’ve spent a lifetime building relationships with the same people. You’ve had the same friends since you were a kid; you know how to be honest about your feelings; you trust people not to hurt you. That’s not my world, Hailey. In my world, you don’t get close to anyone because you’ll eventually get hurt. You don’t get personal with people because those people won’t be around long. You want to know something personal about me? Do you want to know what I fear the most? What scares me more than anything right now? What scares me most is that I’ve violated the one rule I live by…for the first time in my life, I’ve given someone the power to break my heart.”
“I scare you?” Hailey gulped.
Grant took a deep breath before answering. “You terrify me because as much as I wish that I didn’t care…I do.”
“Grant,” Hailey shook her head, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s not true,” Grant replied quickly. “In fact, it is ridiculous! We’re both going somewhere. In a few months, we’re going away to college. You’re going to play basketball at the University of Tennessee, and I’m going back to North Carolina to do the same.”
“Come to Tennessee with me,” Hailey smiled.
“Come to North Carolina with me,” Grant replied.
“Grant, going away to college doesn’t mean losing touch,” Hailey insisted. “We’ll talk everyday; we’ll write; we’ll visit all the time.”
“Take it from someone who knows,” Grant sighed. “Promises of return visits are meant to pacify us in the moment; it makes us feel better to say, but, in reality, they almost never happen. Life happens…things come up…friends drift apart.”
Thunder boomed, and Hailey’s heart jumped. She buried her face in Grant’s chest, and he held her close. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You’re safe with me.”
Hailey looked up at him. “I feel safe,” she said softly. “So how is it that the same person can make me feel so safe and so scared at the same time? How is it that the first time I ever met you I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it? Grant, I have grown up in this little town, reading love stories, watching romantic comedies, dreaming of finding that someone who would take my breath away. For the longest time, I thought those stories only happened in the movies. In fact, I was sure the guy I dreamed of was a figment of my imagination who simply didn’t exist. I know I’m only eighteen, but I had already started to think that I might never find the guy I dreamed up in my head. I’ve known the guys around here all my life, and they are great friends, but none of them can make my heart flutter; none of them intrigue me; none of them make me feel like I’m playing the lead role in a great eighties coming-of-age movie. But you…you do all of those things…only this isn’t a movie, and, as ready as I am for the happy score to start playing, all the complexities to be understood, all the stumbling blocks to be eliminated and the hero to sweep me off my feet and carry me off into happily ever after…I just don’t know if that is ever going to happen with us.”
“This guy you dreamed up in your head,” Grant gulped. “Was he really anything like me?”
“No,” Hailey said, tears lining her eyes, “he wasn’t nearly as amazing because until I met you I had no idea how special one person could be.” She put her hands on Grant’s chest. “He was cute…you’re handsome. He was smart…you blow my mind. He was funny…you make me laugh even when I know I probably shouldn’t. He had admirable goals…you are destined to do great things. He understood me…you complete me.”
Grant stared passionately into Hailey’s eyes as she giggled softly. “What’s so funny?” Grant smiled.
“I don’t know,” Hailey glowed. “Did you know that I had never kissed a boy before I kissed you?”
“Really?” Grant grinned, rather proudly. “I was your first kiss?”
