Grant put his arm around her. “It’s hard not to when you’re around.”
“You should know that I called Paul to apologize for my part in everything that went down earlier,” Hailey said, her head resting easily against Grant’s shoulder. “I’m not proud of the way I acted, but I felt like I had to defend you. Now that it’s just me and you, I think I deserve the truth.”
“The truth is I’ve made my share of mistakes,” Grant admitted.
“I’m asking, do those mistakes include starting a fire at a gas station?” Hailey asked softly.
“Have you noticed how beautiful the moon is tonight?” Grant pointed.
“It’s very nice out tonight; now, answer the question, Grant,” Hailey gulped.
“Your hair smells good,” Grant said as he lifted a strand of Hailey’s hair toward his nose. “What kind of shampoo did you use?”
“The same kind as you did, I assume,” Hailey groaned. “Coconut? Whatever’s in there!”
“Well, it smells nice,” Grant replied.
“I’m not a puppy…you can’t wave a shinny object and distract me! I don’t want to fight with you, Grant, but you’re starting to make me really angry,” Hailey declared, pulling away from him and jumping down off the fence.
“What a coincidence!” Grant exclaimed. “I don’t want to fight with you either, so would you please just drop the inquisition?”
“I only have one simple question,” Hailey said, throwing her hands up. “Were you or were you not responsible for starting a fire in North Carolina?”
“No, I wasn’t responsible,” Grant shrugged.
Hailey nodded. “Well, that didn’t seem too painful, given the protest you put up, which suggests to me that you’re probably lying.”
Grant shrugged nonchalantly. “Would it make you feel better if I confessed to starting the fire? Do you want me to admit to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby or being the Zodiac killer while I’m at it? Maybe I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die! You never know!”
Hailey was tired of fighting, and, despite her best efforts, she couldn’t keep from smiling. “I’m going to choose to ignore your affinity for sarcasm and take something positive from that statement,” she laughed. “You’ve been listening to my CDs again!”
“Yes, I have officially been lured over to the dark side,” Grant shook his head as he slid down from the fence and wrapped Hailey up in his arms.
“What are you doing?” Hailey giggled. “Aren’t we fighting?”
“Sometimes we fight, just so we can make up,” Grant sang, in his best Garth Brooks impersonation.
“Watch it now, or I might just take the notion that you’d look good in a proper cowboy hat, Bucko!” Hailey laughed as she draped her arms around Grant’s neck. Grant slowly moved his mouth toward hers, and, as their lips met, Hailey closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the electricity of Grant’s touch. Time seemed to stand still as the minutes passed, and, when their lips finally parted, Hailey felt two tiny trails of tears running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she shook her head. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
Grant wiped away her tears with his thumbs, and, holding on to her face, gently kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there.
“I’m worried you’re going to leave,” Hailey sobbed.
Grant’s heart pounded as he wrapped Hailey up in his arms. It wasn’t the first time he had ever made a girl cry, but it was the first time that the sight of a girl crying had ever made him want to cry too. He wanted more than anything to assure Hailey that her fears were unfounded, but he couldn’t seem to convince himself that she was too far off the mark.
“I’m sorry, Hailey,” he managed, his throat burning, knowing that was the last thing she wanted to hear.
“Grant, what’s going on?” Hailey cried. “Just let me in, and maybe I can help you.”
Grant let go of her and turned to walk away into the night, but he turned back quickly and shrugged his shoulders, looking more insecure than Hailey had ever seen him look. The confident look in his eyes was gone, and, for a brief moment, he appeared vulnerable and exposed. “We all want the same thing right…just to be happy?” he sighed. “I’ve searched for it in a lot of different ways, and I tend to find it in moments, but true contentment seems to allude me.”
“Everyone has bad days, Grant,” Hailey frowned, wiping away her tears.
“I’m not talking about the fight or the black eye,” Grant said, his voice cracking as he fought back tears. “I’m not even talking about living here in this town where it is obvious I don’t fit in. I’m just talking about life in general. I never seem satisfied. I’m never content. I am most comfortable in the role of loner, and, though I thought that maybe that was starting to change, I think I just need to be by myself.”
“Being alone couldn’t possibly make anyone happy,” Hailey shook her head, surprised that she felt sympathetic rather than angry.
“That’s the problem,” Grant sighed. “I don’t know what it takes to make me happy. What makes you happy?”
“Playing basketball, being with you, riding the four-wheeler, fall leaves on the trees…lots of things make me happy,” Hailey said, reaching for Grant’s hand.
“Beyond that,” Grant shook his head as he let Hailey take his hand. “I’m talking on a much deeper level here. From the first moment I saw you, contentment shined from your eyes. Happiness radiated around you like an aura and drew me in even though my natural instinct was to steer clear. There is just something about you, Hailey…”
“I glow when I’m around you because you’re amazing,” Hailey cried. “Before I met you, I had no idea that there was someone out there that could make me feel the way you make me feel.”
“Hailey,” Grant struggled to get out the words, “you are so important to me. The feelings that I have for you are real…very real…too real.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Hailey frowned.
“You’re talking to a guy who likes having all the answers,” Grant laughed, half-heartedly. “And, as much as I would love to swear to you that there is no other man on Earth better suited for you than I am…I just can’t do that. As much as I want to tell you that everything that Paul said about me was a fabrication on his part…it wasn’t. Ask me if I think you deserve better than me, and the answer is a resounding yes. Ask me if walking away from you will hurt like hell, and the answer is yes. Ask me if I care more about what is best for you than how it makes me feel, and, again, the answer is yes. But ask me why I can’t seem to act against my better judgment and get out of town before both of us get hurt, and the answer is I have no idea.”
Hailey crossed her arms and offered a slight shrug. “Well, I didn’t score a perfect 2400 on my SAT; I may not have made a perfect 36 on my ACT; I’ll study all night and pray for a passing grade on tomorrow’s calculus test that you’ll ace in the amount of time it takes me to write my name on my paper. I can’t wax poetic about practically any book ever written; I’m no walking encyclopedia of world politics, but I can tell you one thing in my limited, English vocabulary…even I can figure out what makes me happy, Grant!”
“And I envy that,” Grant nodded.
Hailey started to turn away, but something wouldn’t let her walk away. “You asked me what makes me happy, and I think I finally have an answer for you now,” she smiled, holding both of Grant’s hands securely in her own. She took a moment to think as he avoided looking into her eyes. Suddenly, she wasn’t intimidated by his vast intelligence or worried about what he might think about what she had to say. Instead, she was filled with confidence and conviction as she heard her words flow from her lips with an ease she knew was beyond her own capabilities. “You’re human, so it’s possible, even probable, that you will disappoint me. It’s possible that you will break my heart. It’s possible that at any moment the spark will fade, and you simply won’t care anymore. I could base my happiness around you and be devastated when you walk away. The same goes for my father or my sister…people who I know, without a doubt, love me with all their hearts. Human relationships are fallible because human nature could rear its ugly head at any moment. That is why my happiness, at its core, has to come from a much more reliable source.” She smiled when she saw Grant’s brown eyes staring back at her; he was listening without thought of interruption, even when she paused. “I have Jesus in my heart,” she said, her smile so bright it could have lit up the night. “He loves me more than anyone else ever will or could. He loves me so much that He subjected himself to beatings, torture, condemnation, and, ultimately, death in order to pay the debt for sins that I would commit thousands of years in the future. That is beyond amazing to me that anyone could care that much about little ol’ me. He was pure and sinless and perfect; He didn’t have to die; He had the power to prevent it, yet He was willing to pay the ultimate price in order to offer me a promise of salvation that I do not deserve. He blessed me with a dad who has provided me with everything I have ever needed and a lifetime worth of unconditional love. I’ve had bad days. I’ve cried and felt sorry for myself. I’ve pouted on plenty of occasions. I don’t skip around amongst the rainbows oblivious to life’s problems. Sometimes I wish that I had more control over things. But, when I don’t know which way to turn or what is best for me, He does. Giving up control is not an easy thing; it can be really scary to think that I am not in the driver’s seat of my own life, but it sure is comforting to know that someone a whole lot smarter than me or you, someone whom I trust with all my heart… is.”
“That is a really splendid way of putting it,” Grant nodded, his entire countenance changing. “The world’s most renowned philosophers have debated the definition of happiness for years, yet you make it sound so simple.”
