After five miles of hiking and a shower, I was feeling better.
I should have been sore and exhausted from our all-night sex-a-thon. I should have been frustrated by her coldness and the way she brushed me off.
Instead, I was feeling downright hopeful.
Because though she hid behind thick, protective armor, I’d seen the ache in those deep brown eyes when I shut the car door, and I’d seen all her internal conflicts play out on her face. She was feeling things. Complicated things. I had to let her walk away and process. But among all the swirling emotions was hope, along with a connection deeper than anything I’d ever felt before.
I stood on my back porch, coffee in hand, and surveyed the trees and the mountains surrounding me, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. This was my chance. But I had no idea how to seize it.
I’d been set in my ways for decades. Making the same unfulfilling choices over and over. Dreaming the same dreams until they no longer even mattered. Living my life on autopilot.
But what if there was another option? What if I could wake up tomorrow and do it all differently?
Because Sam was right. I was the problem here.
I was forty years old and arguably at a low point.
My father was in prison.
The family business I’d devoted my entire life to had just been sold.
And my family was fractured and split.
Twenty-four hours ago, I’d felt nothing but anger, but now my mission was becoming clear.
Last night, my heart had remembered how it felt to hold her. Her laugh had calmed me, and the warmth of her smile had lit me up inside.
We were older, sure, and she’d just purchased my family’s company, but what did that matter? I had been planning a cross-country move for months, but suddenly, all I could think about was feeling the way I felt when she was in my arms. I needed that again.
The muscle memory of being with her was still so strong.
In her proximity, I was happier than I ever remembered being. I felt like myself. When I was with her, I was the complete version of Gus Hebert. The way I was supposed to be.
Not the closed-off grump. Not the oldest child, the caretaker, or the workaholic who’d sacrificed everything for his family’s business.
Just Gus.
The Gus who hated fancy coffee drinks but drank them without complaint because she’d made them.
The Gus who’d checked out a book about constellations from the library so he could impress her with his knowledge of the night sky.
The Gus who woke up every morning knowing he’d found his purpose.
I didn’t need distance from Lovewell to get unstuck. I had to do that myself. Change was hard, but it was time. For so long, I’d assumed I only had one setting—the closed-off, grumpy workaholic who always put the company first.
I leaned back. I’d been telling myself lies. Evolution was possible, if only I could get over my own shit.
The thought of talking to her, getting to know who she’d become, just being in her orbit, was enough to shake loose all the hurt and anger and pain I’d been collecting over the years.
I wasn’t a genius like Owen or an athlete like Cole. Hell, I wasn’t confident like Finn.
But I worked hard. I put in the effort. And this would be no different.
I could let our confrontation this morning pull me farther down. I could sink into the sadness and hurt and shame of losing the business and our ill-advised hookup.
Or I could choose to live for myself and go after what I wanted.
But first, I had a lot to do, starting with a TED Talk.
I needed a plan.
Gus Hebert dealt in certainties. He had total conviction in all things. He managed his days deliberately and productively.
But spending the night with her had thrown my mind into disarray. Suddenly, so many concerns and ideals I’d held on to were no longer important. Like one kiss had demolished the invisible walls that had been holding me hostage for years.
Whether my strategy was a good one was debatable, but planning was what I did best. Chloe LeBlanc wasn’t the kind of woman to be won over by some half-assed attempts, so I was in it to win it. It would take time to get through to the strong-willed, stubborn, headstrong woman who’d always had my heart. But I was a patient man. I’d play the long game. Get all my chess pieces arranged on the board.
“Why are you pacing outside my place of business?” Becca quipped from the doorway of her salon, one hand on her hip, the other wrapped around a coffee mug.
I gave her a sheepish smile. I hadn’t been social these last few months.
“It’s been a while.” Lips quirked on one side, she waved her hand at me. “You’ve gone full Unabomber.”
Ouch. “That’s why you’re my first stop today.”
