‘But she’s not much trouble to us, well is she, and she pays her board in advance, and no trouble at all really. She goes off in the morning and comes home in the evening, she has her supper, then goes up to her room. Finis. Simple. Don’t you agree? Any other place would welcome her with open arms.’
Suddenly she put an arm round his neck, pulled him down.
‘You wouldn’t leave me, Jones?’
‘What a silly bloody thing to say to me, Mrs Gandell, we’ll never leave each other, and that’s the way it goes.’
‘Thank you, Jones.’
He gave her a quick kiss. ‘That’s all right,’ he said.
‘I’d like a drink. And get me an aspirin.’
‘I’d get you anything, Mrs Gandell,’ and he went to the corner cupboard and took out the bottle, and two glasses.
‘I’m afraid the aspirins are in my office.’
‘Nuff said,’ replied Jones and immediately went out.
She got up, pushed back the chair, and stood looking out of the window.
She looked up at the stars, she saw a glittering sea, she heard the wind. She thought it would rain again soon. ‘I’m anchored here,’ she thought, ‘nailed.’ She went to the mirror, sat down, began fidgeting with her hair. She switched on the small light above it, and looked at herself in the glass. She looked fifty-five, knew she was fifty-five, her hair was greying, her skin had become sallow, her eyes dull, and she leaned in and examined herself more closely. Yorkshire seemed deserts away. She was split in two. ‘I had hoped for so much.’
When Jones returned she was still sitting there, then suddenly he was right behind her, and the too sudden sight of him made her switch off the light. She got up and went to the fire.
‘Everything locked up, Jones?’
‘Everything, all correct and shipshape, Mrs Gandell. Here, take these, and I suggest you take the gin hot. I’ve put some sugar in it,’ and he bent over her, and smiled, but she did not return it.
‘You are sad,’ he said, ‘knew you were, knew it all this long day.’
She sipped the gin, offered him a faint smile. ‘Sit down, Jones,’ and for one awful moment dreaded him saying, thank you.
‘Not still worrying about her, surely?’
‘I wasn’t even thinking of Miss Vaughan,’ she said.
‘Then what?’
‘My life,’ Mrs Gandell said.
‘You know I’d be very sorry indeed if you were unhappy, Mrs Gandell,’ Jones said, and she was touched by that.
‘I’m glad you’re here, Jones. Nobody else would have stayed in this miserable little place, its not a hotel really, just a small boarding-house. When I came here I had hoped for the best.’
‘Never stop hoping,’ he said, ‘never. I don’t.’
‘Please,’ she said, holding out the glass, and he gave her another drink.
He was stroking her knee again, smiling, leaning close. ‘Don’t be sad, Mrs Gandell. After all we did get some good news, didn’t we?’
She nodded her head, made as if to smile, but didn’t, and he noticed her hand was shaking.
‘You’re not ill, Mrs Gandell?’
‘I’m not ill.’
‘Thank God for that.’
‘I can’t even explain, not even to you, Jones, how I feel this very moment. I feel empty.’
He turned from her, stared into the fire. She had changed, all in a flash. But why? ‘And when my boat docked in her harbour this afternoon, why, she was as happy as the day is long.’
‘It’s been a lousy winter, Mrs Gandell, a long worrying time for you, and who knows it better than I do. But it’s not the end, never is, really.’
She reached out and took his hand. ‘You have your kind moments, Jones.’
She wanted to shriek when he said quietly, ‘Thank you for that, Mrs Gandell.’
‘I don’t think I’ll ever forget this winter, Jones,’ she said.
But Jones said nothing, but picked up the poker and rudely disturbed the fire, sending up the flames. This return to what he called ‘her winter theory’ positively irritated him, and he continued poking at the fire, until she finally pulled the poker from his hand.
‘There’ll be no fire left if you go on,’ she said.
‘Sorry,’ and he felt her hand on his shoulder.
‘I once felt empty, Mrs Gandell, really empty, just like you do now, awful feeling, like everything seems to stop suddenly, you’re kind of locked in, can’t even take one single step outside yourself. Ah,’ he said, ‘ah,’ stroking her cheek, willing her to smile, and he was right back in the afternoon, hearing her laugh, and then the words in her ear, velvet soft.
