Merl takes the chair next to Dan’s bed and I pull up another. Dan has worked out of his makeshift hospital room since we got back here. His office in the underground command room is up spiral stairs and he isn’t even allowed on crutches yet.
“How are you feeling?” Merl asks.
“I can’t wait to get the fuck out of this bed,” Dan answers, his voice upbeat, almost joking.
“I bet,” Merl says, smiling.
“How is Mo-Ping?” Dan asks after Merl’s partner.
“She’s good.”
“I’m an asshole,” I say. Dan and Merl both look over at me. Neither argues against my proclamation. “Sorry I didn’t ask after her, I’m such a jerk.”
“Too busy thinking about how to burn down society,” Merl says with a smile.
“Burn down society?” Dan asks, interested, his gaze falling on me.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I want to…burn it all down.”
Dan pulls one of his rolling desks closer; a silver laptop sits on it. “Tell me more,” he says, his fingers poised over the keyboard as if he wants to take notes on my delusional wish to upend all of humanity. I can’t help but smile. Dan is a good friend.
“I just…it’s not working,” I say. “Human society is not working for anyone.”
“That’s not true,” Dan says. “There are plenty of people it’s working for…Robert Maxim, Richard Chiles, I could go on.”
I ignore the sarcasm about those two masters of the universe, while taking his point that millions of well-off people continue to believe human society is working just fine. “Sure, on the outside,” I say, sitting forward. “Society works for people with money and influence. They have security. But when so many people are suffering, are they truly well off?”
Dan smiles at me like I am naive. “Yeah, they are,” he answers.
I fall back into the chair and cross my arms. Blue moves closer, resting his giant head in my lap, offering me comfort. It works. I play with one of his velvety ears.
“There are plenty of people in the crypto space trying to disrupt society,” Dan says, his tone distant, like he is talking to himself. “The idea that decentralizing banking will even the playing field is at the heart of the movement. As you know, I put all the money you stole from Kurt Jessup into crypto.”
“You did?” I ask.
Dan’s eyes flick up from his screen. “Sydney, do you read any of the emails I send you? Ever?”
“I open them,” I say, my tone defensive. “I just don’t really read them,” I admit. “Not the ones about money anyway. I trust you.”
Dan huffs a laugh. “It’s a good thing I’m so trustworthy.”
“I also don’t really get it,” I continue my confessional. “I’m not…” I wave my hand around my head. “It’s not what I think about.”
“Well,” Dan says. “If you want to change the world, burn down the existing system, then money is the place to start.”
“Merl says that I should work on changing myself.”
Dan laughs again. “Sure,” he agrees. “If you want to change your perspective, then that’s definitely a good move.”
“Is there anything but perspective?” Merl asks.
“Yes,” Dan answers with another laugh. “I mean, I get what you’re saying on a high level. But the fact is that all the meditating and inward searching in the world won’t fundamentally change society.” Merl doesn’t argue that point. “But disrupting the banking system…that will have an effect.”
“I guess,” I say, the image of the spider web coming back into my mind. “But the problem seems to be that…it’s almost like we are living in different realities.” I pause for a minute, trying to order my thoughts. “I literally don’t understand how it is possible in so many parts of the world to think that women should not hold power. Like, it’s not even that it makes me mad; I mean it does. Obviously.” I roll my eyes at myself.
“Righteous anger…” Merl smiles at me.
“Exactly, I’m so freaking right,” I laugh. “But I’m not the only person who thinks that.”
“You’re just one of the few who fights for what you believe,” Dan says.
I shake my head. “No, everyone fights for what they believe. Maybe not with their fists. But they hold onto the status quo with a death grip. People would rather die than be wrong. What the fuck is that about?” I ask, exasperated. “I mean, come on.”
Merl laughs again and I can’t help but join him. “Look,” he says, leaning forward. “I think this comes back to perspective, like I said. We are stuck in our perspectives, right?” I nod. “And we know that more information is not the solution,” Merl says, turning to Dan.
“No, people will gladly dismiss anything that does not fit their narrative. However, we can manipulate people’s realities and change their beliefs. Rebecca and I have been working on that for years. And it was the basis for my work with Consuela.”
“Right,” Merl says as if Dan has proved his point. “Trying to change someone else’s narrative with facts, though, is useless. If I say that is red,” Merl points to the TV on the wall—the only screen in the room not on, “and Sydney, you think it’s blue, and Dan, you say it’s green, we will never find a consensus.”
“That’s not necessarily true,” I say. “Consensus happens within groups like ours. We share a perspective. And even with those I disagree, I am at least capable of seeing where they’re coming from. I understand that some people see women as inferior.”
“But you don’t accept it,” Merl says, as if now I’ve proven his point.
“No, of course not!”
“And that is the problem.”
“Me not accepting other people’s perspectives that I deeply disagree with? That’s the problem?” I ask, incredulous.
