again,” he promised.
Lying in his arms, his words played in my head, and I knew he was right. I
had gone to the place I knew well and controlled. My only bit of power in my marriage. I was afraid I would never be able to love anyone. I am broken. I don’t know if I can be fixed, but this isn’t the way to do it. Love isn’t about control or power.
That night, Jack and I fell asleep in each other’s arms. I wanted to tell him
everything. Confess my fears, but he had been right. I needed to figure out what
I wanted, not what I thought was expected of me. Only then, could I move on.
The next morning, I left the bed before Jack woke. I didn’t have time to worry
about our relationship. Whatever the future held, or even what I needed to fix within myself, wasn’t going to happen overnight. Jack never said I was broken,
but he should have. The past year had been full of lies, deceit, and revenge. All of it had changed me. It made me cold. The need to win drove my actions.
If I had made love to Jack, it wouldn’t have given me the control I longed for. In the end, it would have given him the power over me. I didn’t want that. I wanted to have love. The kind they wrote about in books. Not the ones where
lovers ended up dead. Maybe, I didn’t want the love story. No, I just wanted to explore what Jack and I could be. I wanted the mystery that had the happy ending.
“Those look really good, sweetie,” Viv admired the plate of appetizers I made. “See, you’re quite the cook.”
“I know my way around the kitchen, but I am not much of a baker.”
“Well, that’s not true. Look at what we made together.”
“Under your very careful guidance.” I laughed.
“Are we good now?” she asked. “Are you okay?”
“I will be. Thank you for forgiving me for my outburst.”
“It happens to the best of us,” she said.
“I saw the bench. I didn’t know you liked Shakespeare. Is there a story behind it?”
“It was a gift from my Jackson. He was the true Shakespeare fan. I can still
hear him reciting the sonnets to me,” she said wistfully. Taking my hand, she continued, “Once upon a time, I needed to be saved from myself, Caitlyn. I was
a lot like you. Then, I met Jackson and he taught me what love meant. My time
with him was brief. Maybe he would have ended up in my collection of yester-
husbands, but I like to think it wouldn’t have turned out that way.”
“But, you have Ben now.”
“I do have Ben,” she said, her eyes brightening, partly from the tears that welled in them as she spoke about Jackson and partly from her love for Ben.
“You are good together. Why didn’t you marry?”
“Who says we didn’t?” Vivian asked.
“You did?” I gasped in disbelief. “Does Jack know?”
“I can’t give away the ending quite yet.” Picking up the platter, she avoided
my questions. With a wink, she said, “Let’s get these out to our guests.”
Everyone being here to celebrate Thanksgiving felt right, surrounded by
people who didn’t expect me to be anything. I wasn’t the trophy wife or the perfect woman. I was just Caitlyn Chase—a work in progress. I was thankful for
the places I had been and the places I would be going.
Thirty-One
Jack kept his word and went slowly. During our time together, he showed
me so many things I never thought I would experience in my lifetime.
Exploring nature. Learning to fish. Cross-country skiing. Identifying trees,
plants, and animals. Building a fire without matches. There were so many
things I never imagined I would have tried. Jack showed me the world was big,
