“I haven’t taken it,” he admitted, fixing her with a wavering smirk. “It has a nasty little side effect that, for a time, may render me passive mentally and ... in other ways.”
Topaz’s brows rose and she offered a tiny smile. “I see,” she said.
“If I can’t even turn to the medication, then I really am up a creek.”
“But this isn’t a hopeless issue,” she argued, while shaking her head. “You’ve managed to grab on to that part of yourself that’s sweet, gentle, caring. You can’t give up, Alex. I won’t let you,” she decided, raising her chin when he fixed her with a skeptical look. “You’ll get past this. I’ll help you as much as I can. All you need is someone to be there.”
Alex’s expression hardened. “I won’t put you in danger, Topaz. I can’t do that.”
“But I feel safe with you,” she countered, scooting closer to massage his forearm. “A lot has happened and there’ve been times when I have felt uneasy, but you need me. This thing is eating away at you and I won’t let you go through this alone.”
“Damn it!” he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut as he massaged the bridge of his nose. “Topaz, don’t you get what I’m tryin’ to tell you? I could kill you!”
She blinked, her expression clearing of compassion and clouding with a hint of doubt. “You couldn’t. You couldn’t do that.”
“I’ve done it before.”
“What?”
Alex moved then, grabbing his jeans and jerking into them. Topaz reached for her coat, draping it across her chest and legs.
“Five years ago, I was in another relationship,” he shared, leaning against a far wall with his hands hidden into his front pockets. “It ended the night I woke up and found myself choking her.”
Topaz’s startled cry reverberated in the loft.
“I didn’t kill her, but I came damn close.”
Topaz couldn’t speak. She swallowed several times in hopes of finding her voice, but it would not come. She wouldn’t have known what to say if it had. She tried to mask her shock and horror when Alex looked her way, but he had already glimpsed the telling expressions on her face.
He had finally done it, he realized. No matter what she said, he knew she would never see him quite the same. She would never feel truly safe around him. He was a murderer, how could she?
Alex reached down to retrieve his shirt, lying close to where Topaz was seated. She reached out to take his hand and he took it, craving the gesture.
“One night you put your life on the line for me,” she said. Her eyes focused on her fingers entwined with his. “You say it was about more than those guys threatening me, and I believe you. But you see, this ... monster who you’re telling me you used to be or still are ... I don’t know him. I only know you. Those fools could have done more than simply flash that gun, they could’ve used it without a second thought. And still, you stayed,” she said, sniffling softly as her eyes pooled with tears. “So you see, I’m not ready to let you go yet. Besides my being incredibly attracted to and in love with you, you saved my life. Now let me help you save yours.”
Alex bowed his head. “This won’t be easy,” he whispered, rolling his eyes toward her.
“I know.”
“You may not feel this way tomorrow.”
She closed her eyes, acknowledging his point of view. “I may not. But I feel this way today.”
Leaning forward, Alex cupped her face in his massive palms. “How’d you get to be so sweet and so blind?”
“I love you.”
“You know what they say about love?”
“Alex—”
“Topaz, can we not talk about this anymore right now?”
She smiled, scooting closer to kiss his mouth. “We don’t have to talk at all.
FIFTEEN
Alex and Topaz left Louisiana by train and arrived in Washington State to find the weather conditions less than favorable.
“So, it’s true what they say about Seattle,” Topaz remarked, her sparkling eyes alive with humor.
“Mmm,” was Alex’s only reply to the tease. Clearly, he wasn’t in the best mood.
Topaz had been walking under a cloud herself. Alex had definitely pulled away from her. His emotions had seemed to shut down since he had shared the incident involving his former lover. They had remained at her aunt and uncle’s place a few more days. Around Sherman and Rica Emerson, he was charming and talkative. Alone with Topaz, he found little, if anything, to say.
Alex turned the rugged Ford pickup into the steep driveway that led to a breathtaking home atop a hill. The two-story burgundy and white ranch-style was practically hidden by dense fog, heavy rain, and trees. Still, Topaz could tell it was nothing less than spectacular.
Alex hit a remote located somewhere along the dash. One touch of a button illuminated the spotlights along the roof and tracklighting outlining the lawn. Topaz gasped at the effect.
“This is incredible,” she breathed, her eyes riveted on the calming picture of rain blowing around the cozy dwelling.
Alex barely grunted at first. “Yeah, I guess if you break enough legs and end enough lives, two houses on two coasts is easily attainable.”
Topaz closed her eyes. “Alex ...”
He was already leaving the truck. Topaz watched as he moved to the rear of the vehicle and began to collect their things.
“I can take something,” she offered, after leaving the passenger side.
