Real laughter, Ava, you know the crying kind.
So great.
And then the manager said,
it’s her turn,
and he handed me the mask.
I want a lap dance, he said.
And I thought –
this! This is what you want?
The man in charge, could ask for anything
and this is what you want?
And with the mask on, I could only see the shapes
of them, like shadows in a dream. I moved my hips – the
music slow and bassy – and I felt their laughter soften to
a solid velvet quiet around me as I snaked my body up
and down.
I thought how stupid it must look to
someone walking by and peering through the window – a
stormtrooper with the body of a teenage girl – twisting,
winding, with ten men of various ages stood around just
watching.
I turned my back to him and hovered moving just
above his lap, back and forth, so slow I barely moved.
His hands were tentatively at my waist, the lightest
touch.
And when the song had finished, and I, grinning,
pulled the mask off,
their faces were so sweet, sincere,
pure admiration, awe,
they looked like little boys,
…that was really good
You see, Ava?
It’s so silly it will break your heart sometimes.
Goodlord Goodlord Goodlord
I’m sure I’d find this funny too, if everything were
different.
Am I mad?
I did start making an account, Ava. I’m not a total psychopath,
I thought – just let it go!
Just sign-up to the thing and sign the contract and be
done with all of this.
