there is one other option:
see,
out the front of Girl House there was always a
T-board that said LET BY and the agency’s name.
One evening, frustrated with the agents ignoring our
request to fix the shower, we felled the sign and brought
it in.
In the morning there was a brand new
board out in the garden. Upright. Triple cable-tied.
Creepy.
Very creepy, Ava.
This happened at least three times.
Therefore, it could have been the signs we burned.
If I were to kill you, Ava,
I’d build a pyre of T-boards, and I’d martyr you.
Gooddeath.
I don’t think it would make a difference though –
the boards would be replaced,
as would you.
The self-healing, self-perpetuating state,
thick-skinned, amorphous – regenerating even as
we try to pierce it… why hasn’t it burst yet, Ava?
The market.
It can be pleasurable to lance a boil.
We should find pleasure where we can.
What’s your vice, Ava?
I had this ritual that I loved –
small, silly thing.
Every Thursday, heading home from work I’d buy a pack
of gummy-worms then eat them on the train.
A treat!
To be a woman in the world and eat
can come with complications, Ava – I know, I know – so
tired a point, it’s barely worth the making, yet…
I’d cultivated a style of eating that was
unabashed –
so effortless was my technique it rendered
me impervious to looks or judgement.
You can’t falter, Ava – that’s the secret –
can’t let them see you being
