That doctor’s voice became a talisman of sorts, you see –
do you? – where I’m going with this…
whenever I was overwhelmed, I’d feel that weird
speed push me forwards, drag me
back,
and I’d play
his voice
inside my head, darling
board that train…
and everything
would settle,
Ava,
do you
understand,
for years
I comforted
myself with darling,
board that train,
and then
offhand
one day
I told the story
at a dinner
that my mother
was also at
and after, quietly
she said, no
that never
happened,
no night
doctor,
no sweet, French
doctor, just you,
a child with a fever,
speaking
in an accent
we had never heard
before. Quite
spooky, actually,
she said,