over tomorrow to sort things out.
I threw the covers off. I tossed and turned. I felt
the hours blur –
darling, board that… darling…
The sweet French doctor’s voice was on my
tongue.
I could hear the distant mutter of the father
in the window next to mine.
I really tried to give him space, Ava, but I just couldn’t
bear it –
too hot, I have to have some air!
I opened up the window
and the cold night rushed inside
and I heard him say, I love you Deedee
and with it came a huge black wave of –
something
someone
charged
vibrating
terrible
it filled the room
it pressed me to my bed –
a ghost, Ava.
I know – me neither – it’s not like there’s no other
explanation – but –
that wave,
that force,
that mass –
was charged with human feeling
really,
awful – abject – anguished
and none of it was anything
I recognised as mine.
You must think that I’m mad –
but I had felt the edge of this or something
like it once before, Ava.
When I was small – eleven, twelve perhaps and
my parents went away for a few days,
they dropped me at the house of a family friend,
who had a teenage son I’d never met.
