Donovan settled into the seat next to me. Suddenly, I could barely think straight. These chairs were too small, and he was so big. His long limbs stretched out into the aisle. “I wish to speak with you.”
I licked my lips. “What is it?” My mouth had gone dry. His whole glorious body sprawled next to me—long black hair swept up into a messy topknot, arms long and loose at his side.
“I am mulling over what the shifter said,” he said, his voice low. “The Lady Bronwyn asked me to take note of the things that disturbed me, the ideas that angered me. According to her wisdom, I am supposed to ‘feel my feelings’ which is a phrase that sounded nonsensical when Lady Bronwyn said it, but now, I think I understand.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Go on.”
“When the Bear said that tradition serves no one, it infuriated me. Tradition unifies, it strengthens our bonds, it provides boundaries and fosters solidarity. It is paramount, especially in a kingdom like mine. If we do not have our traditions, we have chaos.” A shadow passed over his face. “We must have order.”
I nodded. “Well, we’ve already established that you take your duties seriously,” I said mildly. “You have responsibilities.”
“The bear’s opinion outraged me. Instead of striking at him, as I may have done in the past, I did as Lady Bronwyn requested and thought about why it made me so angry that he would hold that opinion. He is a commoner, and his thoughts mean nothing to me, but I was angered at his words. I have been mulling over why I care so much.”
I met his eyes briefly. “Do you think you might want to… see it from his point of view? Empathize with him?”
“I understand the challenges he faces. I understand that he does not wish to marry a woman, as his parents ordered. This does not concern me. The fault lies in human society's backward way of thinking.”
“So, you’re cool with gay marriage in your realm?”
Donovan gave me a puzzled look. “Of course.” His expression turned stony again. “My duties consume me. I understand why I must do what I am ordered to do—it is for the good of my kingdom. Perhaps I am enraged at the idea that I do not have to be so obedient after all. Who would I be if I did whatever I wanted?” He exhaled wearily. “I am afraid I will be Connor.”
“I understand. You’re scared of your own power.” Poor Donovan put himself on a tight leash because his own brother was a monster.
“Perhaps.” He glanced over at me; some of the tension went out of him. “Lady Bronwyn asked me what I wanted in life. If you asked me three days ago, I would have said something different from what I would tell you right now.”
“That’s quite cryptic.”
He sighed—a gruff, deep noise. “I do not mean to be.”
“But I get it.” I nudged him. “This is what happens when your worldview gets shaken up. The certainty is gone. You know, I’ve been thinking almost exactly the same thing. I was always so sure of myself, then I had my breakdown. But I’m starting to think that it’s okay to be unsure.”
“Perhaps. But I do not like it.”
“If I’m allowed to be unsure about something, so can you.”
Without warning, he picked up my hand and entwined his fingers in mine. “We will be unsure together.”
I spent the rest of the flight trying to remember how to breathe.
Chapter
Eight
Night had fallen by the time we arrived in Madison. It was cold, and the wind howled around the airport. Cress stalked through the airport to the luggage claim, glaring furiously at everyone. Her nap on the plane hadn’t been nearly long enough. She’d scared everyone around her by jolting awake after about half an hour, shouting an ancient curse in a foreign tongue. Now, with a face like thunder, she stalked like a grumpy cat through the arrivals lounge, grumbling about how awful the flight was and how humans desperately needed to import some dragons and destroy the whole airline industry.
I flinched every single time she looked in my direction. For me, the flight had been both torture and absolute bliss.
Donovan held my hand the whole time.
I was a mess. My feelings for him kept morphing and expanding and running away; I couldn’t keep up. There were so many layers to him, and I’d only just started unraveling them. His confession—that little bit of vulnerability—only made me fall for him harder.
Cress was going to rip out my windpipe and use it as a hair tie. The little nap on the plane didn’t seem to do her any good, and she seemed even more frustrated than ever. Even now, she seemed on high alert, carefully assessing all the very muscular women that strode through the airport.
We reached the baggage claim and joined the crowd of people waiting in front of the sad, empty carousel. Our luggage clearly hadn’t been unloaded yet, so Cress and Donovan took the opportunity to do several laps of the arrivals lounge, trying to find a berserker, while Nate and Eryk hurried around looking for Cecil, who, still pretending to be a bratty little toddler, had suddenly disappeared.
“Where are we staying, Sue?” Bart asked me while we waited for the luggage to appear on the empty conveyor belt.
“Nowhere good.” I chewed on the side of my thumbnail. “Pickings were slim, Bart. The whole city is booked out for the Ultimate Strong championships. I didn't want to have to book somewhere too far away from the stadium, but I managed to get us three rooms upstairs at an Irish pub not far away from the venue.” I grimaced. “We’re going to have to share.” I’d already resigned myself to trying to share a bed with Bart, who was as big as a king-sized bed himself. But anything would be better than trying to squeeze in with Eryk, Nate, and Cecil—or, god forbid, with Donovan and Cress.
I watched both of them for a second, slinking through the arrivals lounge like ghosts, carefully assessing every single mortal-shaped person with a hint of muscle that walked by. They were perfectly in sync, winding in and out of the crowds, communicating to each other with subtle nods and the odd pointed glare.
They were so familiar with each other, so similar, perfectly matched in grace and power. Jealousy felt like sharp claws in my chest. Despite Donovan dismissing Cress as a pain in his ass, I could tell he loved her. It was there in the way he put himself in front of anything that could be considered a threat, blocking her from taking it on herself. I remembered him telling her to back away from me when she was putting on my weapons. The icy note of jealousy in his tone was unmistakable. He didn’t want Cress touching anyone else; that was obvious.
Cecil appeared, riding the luggage conveyor belt, clamoring over suitcases and kicking over duffel bags. He blew a raspberry as he drifted past. “So, we’re sharing rooms? Bags rooming with my daddies! Hey, Daddy! Daddy!” He jumped up and down on the luggage, yelling at Nate and Eryk. “Dad-deeeee!” He threw a baby bottle. Vodka splashed.
Eryk cringed. Nate put his head in his hands.
Donovan and Cress rejoined us, stalking back to the luggage claim like supermodels.
“No berserkers?” I asked.
Cress shook her head. “It is infuriating. They look like berserkers.” She waved her hand, gesturing towards an absolutely ripped young woman who was walking past, wheeling twenty suitcases stacked up behind her. “But all these people are human.”
“We’ll find one.” And we had to do it soon. My worry for Audrina was starting to consume me.
“We have bigger problems,” Donovan said, his tone grim.
I glanced up at him. “What is it?”
