But Dagan didn’t look back. Instead, he kept his back turned, tucking in his shirt and then tying it neatly. “Alas, I think we must.”
As he followed suit, tidying himself to face the world outside their door once more, Hendrik knew with great and ominous certainty that he’d fucked up. The most terrifying part, however, was that he wasn’t sure how.
Apart from the fact that he was a broody, broken, and bitchy mess of a man. Which was plenty of reason for Dagan to be unhappy, come to think of it.
Fair enough.
*
Most of the settlement, even a few folks with obvious hangovers, squinty-eyed and hesitant over their breakfasts, had the same idea. The hall was as full as Hendrik had seen it, the servers buzzing around as easily as ever but decidedly faster. Dagan led the way to Kajja, Innan, and Piret, who made room for them on their benches.
“Finally,” Kajja said by way of greeting. “We can get moving.”
Hendrik didn’t look her in the eye, and she didn’t seem interested in meeting his, either.
Piret was another story. “You’re still with me?”
He nodded. “Bartolo came to see us this morning.”
“Good,” Innan said. “I don’t think we can be too careful.”
Funny, how everyone was “we” at this table. Hendrik bit down his comments, though; he recognized the feeling of being swept away by events beyond his control. It was sickeningly familiar.
“The Great Council of the Heart Wood comes!” someone announced from behind the wooden screen.
A hush fell over the winery hall instantly. Jessica and Bartolo came out first, followed by the thirteen members of the Council, one after the other. They lined up along the screen, facing their public. The next table over, scribes were ready with ink and paper. For one moment, it was as if everyone held their breath as Jessica stepped forward to speak:
“In a joint mission with the resistance from the Stone City, the Council has decided to send its scouts into the City. There, they will aid the resistance in gathering information about the tyrant that calls itself a god that lives beneath their great See. They will discover the nature of this thing, how it’s able to affect the Blue Bird River, and hopefully, how to stop it. They’ll also aid in the liberation of the Stone City’s people, if the resistance deems that potentially fruitful and the scouts involved agree. Otherwise, they’re to return to the Council within a moon and report their findings.
“Bartolo, our Head Scout, will choose his personnel. Piret, representing the resistance, will choose hers. Only these will enter the City. Innan of the Caves and Alonza of the Black Walnut Grove will accompany them to a staging area near the mountain entrance for missions of their own—along with any extra scouts Bartolo deems necessary for security purposes.
“Remember the forest gods and sharpen your knives. A trial is upon us.”
When she finished, Jessica turned and went back behind the screen.
“Did they tell you what you’ll be doing?” Dagan asked Innan.
They nodded. “Making sure the tunnels are stable—and looking for weak spots beneath the City. Just in case.”
Hendrik didn’t love the sound of that. “You mean, to collapse parts of it?”
“If necessary,” Innan said. “But for the moment, I’m just making a sort of underground map, so we can understand what’s down there.”
“Tunnels. Lots of them,” Piret said.
“And who will you take?” Kajja asked her, eyes bright and eager.
“You and Hen, obviously.” Piret snorted. “Unless you want to stay here.”
She didn’t look at Hendrik, but she didn’t need to. He knew she was talking to him, not Kajja. Hen stayed silent, clenching his jaw. Everything was unraveling around him; he’d known it was coming, yet it still hurt to watch.
As if on cue, Gareth came to their table and clapped Dagan on the back. “Congratulations, baby scout: You’re with me. Bartolo says you’re already up to your balls in it, so you’re his best choice.”
Dagan grinned. “Who else?”
Gareth shook his head. “Bartolo’s talking about coming himself.”
The grin slid off Dagan’s face. “Was hoping he’d change his mind.”
“Thinking he wants to end his career with a bang.” Gareth chuckled.
Hendrik’s belly felt oddly numb as all this happened around him. Like a bucket of water left out in the cold and turned to ice overnight.
Alonza appeared soon after, until their table was overrun by people on this suicide mission talking excitedly about how they couldn’t wait to walk directly into the maw of a throat-ripping monster and its abattoir of a city.
At some point, Hendrik stood and walked as calmly as he could out of the hall and past the market, to the edge of the forest. He leaned against a large birch tree and let his knees give out. He slid downward, smooth bark barely scraping at his shirt, until he hit his ass. Which was still sore from last night, burning stone, but he was so grateful for last night. He wrapped his arms around his shins, rested his forehead on his knees, and cried like he had never cried before.
He hadn’t realized that crying hurt. Every time he’d done it before, it had been brief, strangled, a few choking sobs or some uncontrollable tears. This was full-body, rough, snotty, and fucking unpleasant…and yet he didn’t want it to stop because it felt so good, too.
After the shaking and tears passed, who knew how long later, Hendrik pulled his legs up beneath him (Dagan called it lotus-style, but Hen had never seen a lotus so he didn’t know how accurate that was) and wove his fingers through the grass like Dagan did during his morning lifecasting checks. He tried to even out his breathing, smoothing the top of each inhale into each exhale, then the bottom of each exhale into each inhale. Just like Dagan did.
“I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Hen opened his eyes to see the man himself, his face soft and faintly smiling, hair illuminated by the sun behind it. Unexpected pleasure warmed Hen’s belly at the sight of him. He hadn’t even considered that Dagan might come to find him, but he was suddenly grateful, so incredibly fucking grateful, that he had.
“Are you meditating?” Dagan asked, crouching down to one knee.
“Trying.” Hen shrugged a little. “Not really trying to get into the earth or whatever. Just to breathe.”
