Which is why, every once in a while, I wish she were me.
My fingers are typing faster than my brain, and so it takes me a second to realize what I’ve written.
No, Molly.
No and no and no and no.
I delete that last line with pure horror and reread the whole email to make sure I didn’t say anything else that will expose my longing for him.
I click send.
But getting the email off my desktop doesn’t change the truth.
I do wish I was the love of Seth Rubenstein’s life.
CHAPTER 22 Seth
All day, ever since I sent my “I regret to inform you I won’t be getting married after all” email, I’ve been fielding texts and phone calls from well-meaning friends and relatives.
My mom sobbed and wondered how anyone could leave her perfect boy.
My dad said I’ll find someone else pronto, because I’m a catch.
My brother said Sarah wasn’t right for me and, “as he’s told me many times before,” I need to break this pattern of too-fast relationships.
Kevin said he’d had a bad feeling ever since I bought the “basic” ring.
Jon said Kevin is callous and lamented that they can’t come visit me because it’s too dangerous to fly.
But the person whose words comforted me the most was actually Molly Marks. “You’re one of the best people I know.”
It’s not that the sentiment is so true. It’s that Molly doesn’t give compliments often. She’s so rarely sincere, and when she is, she really means it. Reading those words from her made me remember the last time we saw each other. How she invited me to stay with her. How she looked so disappointed when I told her about Sarah, and then embarrassed that I could see her disappointment.
And I know that I’m twenty-four hours out of a relationship. But I find myself wondering if she’s single.
I can’t ask her. She’ll think I’m nuts.
But when she said she knows I’ll find the love of my life, part of me thrummed with this wild thought: What if I already have? What if it’s you?
I want desperately to respond to her note—to keep the conversation going—but I have no idea what to say.
Instead, I respond to Mike Anatolian.
From: sethrubes@mail.me
To: michael_c_anatolian@netmail.co
Date: Mon, June 22, 2020 at 2:27pm
Re: Subject: Favor?
Hey dude! Good to hear from you. All is well with me and the fam—health-wise, anyway. Work is slow but that clinic I mentioned is going well and keeping me busy. As for Sarah … long story. Give me a buzz soon and we’ll catch up.
Molly is down to offer an internship to Becky. Have her email me and I’ll connect them.
I get an email from Becky within minutes.
From: bma445@nyu.edu
To: sethrubes@mail.me
Date: Mon, June 22, 2020 at 2:35pm
Subject: Internship
Dear Mr. Rubenstein,
Thank you so much for your help in connecting me with Molly Marks. I am really looking forward to meeting her and I am beyond grateful for your help.
I hope this isn’t too forward, but I have another idea to propose. I’ve been volunteering for a women’s shelter in NYC all throughout college, but it’s currently closed due to Covid. As you can imagine, this is incredibly heartbreaking and so dangerous for our clients in abusive situations. Mike told me about your legal clinic, and it sounds incredibly inspiring and dearly needed. If there is any volunteer work I could help with remotely, I would really love to help out.
Thank you again, and kind regards,
Becky Anatolian
What a nice kid.
And what a nice distraction from my obsession with Molly’s relationship status.
