She wiped her eyes. ‘No, it isn’t. I was so lonely, Bennett. So fucking lonely. And then you showed up and it was nice to have company. That’s it. That’s all it was.’
Nice to have company. She was trying to convince him that he’d been just a warm body to her, but it was a lie. He could see it in her eyes. She was lying about all of it, but she was pushing him away anyway.
‘And now you need to go back home to your real life and I need to live mine.’
Back home. Ha. How could any place that wasn’t with her feel like home now?
‘That’s what you want?’
She nodded, her arms folded across her chest. She held his gaze a breath longer before sitting back in her seat.
‘I think it’d be better if we end this now,’ she said, addressing the windshield instead of him. ‘You should probably go back to your sister’s apartment.’ She wouldn’t look at him. Her mind was made up.
And Bennett wasn’t about to beg.
Even though he wanted to.
Even though he wanted to throw himself at her feet and beg for her to see reason, to let him in, to let him stay.
Instead, he put the car back into drive and pulled out onto the deserted road. It was after eleven on Christmas night. Everyone was home with their families.
He fiddled with the dials; the car was suddenly stifling.
They rode the rest of the way in silence until Kira’s house loomed ahead of them in the darkness. Bennett pulled the car up the driveway and killed the engine. But before Kira could jump out of the car, he grabbed her wrist.
She turned to him.
‘Things might not make sense to you,’ he said, his voice low and rough. ‘But they make perfect sense to me. I did fall in love with you in a month.’ She sucked in a little whimper like his words cut her, but he kept going. ‘You are everything I want, and it has nothing to do with your broken house or your … your…’ he shook his head with frustration. ‘Whatever it is you think about yourself, that you’re selfish or not worthy or … I don’t know. I really don’t know, Kira because I think you’re fucking perfect.’
Tears rolled down her cheeks and her pulse fluttered in her wrist.
‘If you want me to go, I’ll go.’ He tugged gently and she went to him, falling into him, her lips warm and wet and he kissed her hard and rough and fast, the taste of her tears on his tongue when he pulled away. ‘I’ll go. But know this. You are not a bad habit. You are something entirely new. Say the word and I will back here in a fucking heartbeat.’
He let go of her then. He couldn’t look at her anymore, at her wide eyes, wet with tears, her swollen lips that he no longer got to kiss. She wanted him to go, he would go. He wouldn’t stay here another second. He couldn’t.
The dogs were less than pleased to be roused from sleep and ushered out the door, but there was no other choice. He stuffed the few things he’d brought over into his bag and followed them out. Kira stood on the porch, silent and stoic.
She didn’t tell him to stay.
She didn’t say anything as he threw his things into the car. And neither did he.
He’d said it all, and none of it had mattered.
There was nothing left to do but go. The only sound as he pulled out of the driveway was the whining of the dogs in the back seat, the last moments of Christmas music on the radio, and his own ragged breathing as he slowly fell apart.
The lies we tell ourselves are often stronger than the truth. They worm their way into our hearts and our minds until they are all we see, all we believe. And Kira had been telling herself a lot lately.
The main one being that she was not in love with Bennett Ellis.
But as she sat under her Christmas tree on Christmas night, or maybe it was technically the next day at this point, unwrapping the small present Bennett had apparently left there for her, that lie was quickly unraveling.
She took another swig from the wine bottle she was drinking from and tore off the shiny red paper.
‘Socks,’ she said out loud even though she was completely and utterly alone. Again. ‘He got me socks.’ She wanted to be mad about it, mocking this silly gift but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
‘He got me fuzzy socks with little peaches all over them,’ she whispered, the tears starting up fresh. ‘What a bastard.’ She pulled a blanket off the couch and curled up under the tree. Pine needles stuck to her cheek but she couldn’t seem to care. She’d fucked everything up, what were a few pine needles in her hair at this point?
She snuggled the socks closer to her chest and the sharp edge of a notecard pressed into her hand. Bennett’s handwriting was scrawled inside.
Something to keep your toes warm until you get that boiler.
Merry Christmas
~B.
‘Son of a bitch,’ she cursed between sobs. She pulled the blanket over her head and worked on her next lie: tomorrow she would feel good about her decision. She would feel good that she had chosen not to keep Bennett here just because she was lonely. She’d made a good decision for once. She hadn’t been rash or thoughtless.
She’d done the right thing.
That was what she’d tell herself in the morning.
But right now, she was sure she’d made a terrible mistake.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kira had slept with her face practically on top of her phone so when it started ringing the next morning she nearly jumped out of her skin.
