Cessilia closed her eyes, frowning and looking like she was reliving that pain all over again.

“I... I b-begged th-them t-to stop,” she cried. “I... I felt my d-dra-... I felt my Cece was in t-too much p-pain to save me... she c-couldn’t t-take it. Her th-throat had b-begun to b-bleed too, without even a c-cut there.”

Ashen was just as shocked. Dragon scales were amongst the thickest materials, most blades couldn’t cut through them. Yet, Cessilia’s dragon’s throat had begun to bleed as a response to what its master was going through... and how much it tried to save her. How long had those two been tortured? He couldn’t even imagine the scene. Ashen had known Cece, and he had always seen them together. The dragon was a reflection of its owner. Beautiful, graceful, kind, and strong. Cece was completely devoted to Cessilia, those two were like one soul in two different bodies. He couldn’t even bear to imagine the scene... the horror they had suffered, to try and save the other.

Cessilia covered her eyes with her palms, trying to calm down her tears, but it was all in vain. She couldn’t stop crying, big tears flowing out now, her shoulders shaking.

“She... D-Dad c-came t-too late,” she cried. “My d-dad and b-brothers found us b-both and k-killed those men, b-but... Cece was already... she d-didn’t move at all. I c-cried. I p-passed out, I had lost t-too much b-blood and my th-throat wasn’t healing anymore b-because...”

Because she didn’t have Cece’s power anymore. Cessilia’s Dragon Blood couldn’t keep up with the injury, meaning she had been left to bleed out like a normal human being. Ashen’s eyes fell on the scars again, a horrible sight he couldn’t look away from. There were so many scars on top of one another. Perhaps twenty, or thirty... he couldn’t even tell. They were all spread out around her throat on the front half, showing how repeatedly Cessilia had been sliced there. If those were the results of when Cece couldn’t share her pain to heal her, this meant this was only a portion of what she had really endured...

Ashen’s legs gave out under him. The White King fell down to his knees, shocked and crushed. He had no idea. All these years, he had only felt sorry for himself and regretted a thousand times Cessilia not being by his side. But she had tried to be. The reckless, enamored, thirteen-year-old girl she was, had been ready to give up everything to follow him, and what had she gotten in return? Torture and pain, a tremendous, unmeasurable amount of pain. Ashen couldn’t even breathe, choked up by his guilt. Nothing was as he thought. Cessilia had said it before: he only felt sorry for himself. He only realized that now. He had held on to that dream where Cessilia was growing happily, surrounded by her family’s love and free of any hardships, when in truth, she had lost so much already. Her dragon, and her voice.

Cessilia’s hand moved down to touch her scars with trembling fingers.

“My mom t-tried to save me... She spent many d-days healing me, c-comforting me. We t-temporarily left the north and the Onyx C-Castle t-to stay at the Imperial P-Palace. I c-couldn’t talk... My th-throat hurt so much, I c-couldn’t utter a sound for nearly t-two years. I g-got d-depressed from seeing my siblings’ d-dragons, so I spent more t-time with T-Tessa... or with my g-grandmother. I got b-better with t-time... After th-that, and my th-throat had healed, it b-became clear I was healed here, b-but...”

Cessilia sighed, and let her hands fall to her sides, shaking her head slowly.

“I c-can’t... forgive myself b-because I lost Cece. I was t-too selfish and d-dumb. My d-dragon d-died b-because of me... and for a while, I c-couldn’t get any scars.”

Cessilia suddenly opened her hands, showing her palms. For a second, Ashen was confused, until he saw the cuts that followed the natural lines.

“B-because we c-couldn’t understand what happened to my d-dragon or save her with our own ways, D-Dad let K-Krai t-take her to the D-Dragon’s Lake, in the Imperial P-Palace... Th-there’s a legend th-that a D-Dragon God used to live th-there, with immense p-power that c-could even resuscitate p-people. My p-parents b-believe in th-that legend... At first, I really hoped it c-could work. When K-Krai p-put my Cece in the lake, she d-drowned, but a few d-days later, I b-began g-growing scales again when I was injured. I k-kept... injuring myself, t-to see if my scales would t-turn another c-color than b-black, but...”

Ashen understood. If Cece was to come back alive, the scales would have taken Cessilia’s dragon’s real color... however, it had been five years now. He had seen her scales, still as dark as coal... Cessilia sighed, shaking her head. She looked a bit calmer now, but her fingers were still trembling, and she didn’t even try to wipe the tears off her face.

“I c-can’t... heal like th-the others d-do,” she confessed. “T-Tessa is very p-protective of me b-because she knows th-that. I have those b-black scales, b-but... it’s nothing like b-before.”

She sighed, shaking her head.

“My voice... I c-can’t speak like b-before either. Mother says it’s a c-condition that’s in my heart, not my th-throat. I just c-can’t... I c-can’t speak like b-before.”

“It’s alright.”

Ashen jumped back to his feet. He couldn’t feel sorry for himself, not anymore. He didn’t want to show Cessilia any more of that, any more of that self-pity, when she was the one truly in pain, the one who had endured all those hardships alone. He approached her and, very carefully, after seeing that she wouldn’t reject his touch, he gently put his hands around her neck, on the sides of her scars. He glared at them, wishing he could wipe it off, and all the terrible memories behind it. He took a deep breath and looked up at Cessilia, his thumb rubbing the tears off her jawline gently.

“It’s alright, Cessilia, I... I am so, so sorry for what you went through. I’m really... sorry.”

She raised her big green eyes at him, and Ashen felt his heart falling.

“If... If I had known,” he muttered, “I wouldn’t have asked you to follow me. Not... I didn’t realize. I was young, arrogant, and... blinded by my feelings for you. I had this stupid idea that you and I, we could do it together. I didn’t even consider you were too young and too fragile to endure this. When I got back, and I got thrown into war once more... Several times, I regretted not having you with me, and at the same, I felt thankful you were far from this hell. I... I really had no idea...”

Cessilia put her hands on his and shook her head.

“Th-that was my mistake, Ashen... I d-didn’t listen to my p-parents. I was b-blind too. I just th-thought about how b-brutally we were separated, and... I just wanted t-to see you, even if it-t was only one last t-time.”

For a few seconds, the two of them remained silent, just staring at each other with complex feelings. Now that everything between them was out in the open, it felt like a fresh wind had been blown, bringing something a bit new to their relationship. Something a bit exciting, and different. The warmth of the fire and Ashen’s hands on her skin were starting to get to Cessilia. She could feel the gentleness in his fingers, and in his dark eyes, read the tormented King’s thoughts. He looked torn apart, staring at her with regret, guilt, and adoration. He wasn’t good at hiding his emotions from her, and right now, she could easily read his bittersweet feeling, the sour expression he was making while caressing her wet cheeks.

Cessilia leaned forward, hoping for a kiss, but Ashen suddenly pulled back. He was still holding her neck, cupped in his hands, but he had stepped back right away, with an almost frightened expression.

“Ashen...”

“I... I c-can’t, Cessilia,” he muttered. “I can’t ask you to stay with me.”

“No,” she declared strongly before he could add a word to that. “N-No. D-don’t p-push me away b-because you p-pity me.”

“I don’t pity you!” he protested. “I am responsible for what happened to you, Cessilia! I... I have just thrown my anger at you since you came, when I had no reason to! I had no idea what you went through, and I just acted like... like the self-centered bastard I am! How can I even dare to keep you with me now? I–”

“Ashen!”

She grabbed his face, angrily staring at him and forcing him to look at her.

“I c-came here,” she said. “I chose t-to see you again, and I d-don’t regret it. D-despite what happened t-to me, I still regretted that I c-couldn’t see you. I... I missed the b-boy I fell in love with b-back then. I... I missed you t-too. D-don’t d-decide what is b-better for me now, or what you c-can do or not. Things are d-different now. I am an adult, and I c-came here b-because I really wanted t-to. When Yassim c-came and said you needed a q-queen, I knew I had t-to come.”

She let out a long sigh and lowered her hands to his exposed torso, her fingers lingering on the long lines of his scars. The King calmed down a little, and gently moved his hands down to her shoulders, holding her gently.

“I understand... you have b-been through many hardships t-too,” she whispered. “My d-dad made you leave when you were only sevent-teen, still a b-boy... I d-don’t want t-to say I am the only one who g-got through hardships, I know t-things were d-different here. I t-talked a lot with Nana too, and she t-told me about it... P-plus, I know you c-could have k-killed th-those men without even a fight. I’m sure th-that woman knows p-poisons th-that c-could have spared you a fight, b-but you d-didn’t choose that.”

She smiled, a bit weakly given the circumstances, but she didn’t want to hang on to those heavy feelings in her heart. She wished it could be blown away, like the rain and wind battering against the windows. She touched the tips of Ashen’s silver-white hair.

“So it t-turned c-completely white after all,” she muttered. “It’s p-pretty. I like it.”

He covered her hand with his.

“...So you really still have feelings for me?”

Cessilia nodded.

“You th-thought I d-didn’t?”

“I don’t know... I was scared,” he muttered. “Each time I had found peace, it ended up slipping through my fingers again. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if I lose you a second time.”

“...You won’t,” she whispered.

Cessilia sighed, and took a step forward, nestling against Ashen’s torso. After a hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, and tightly embraced her. She closed her eyes, feeling Ashen’s moist, hot sigh against her temple. He cradled her head while she leaned on his shoulder, his fingers softly grasping her brown curls. The two of them stood like this, by the fire, hugging each other in silence. They didn’t even need to kiss. Right now, all Cessilia wanted was Ashen’s smell surrounding her, his strong but gentle arms, and the quietness of being just the two of them in this room.

After a while, she felt him move, and he lifted her up, carrying her to the bed. Cessilia didn’t resist at all, even as he sat her on the edge of the mattress, and with one knee down, helped her get rid of her shoes, very gently. She couldn’t help but grimace when her ankle moved.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.

“I th-think I b-broke my left ankle, b-but it d-doesn’t hurt anymore. It will b-be healed by tomorrow morning.”

Ashen nodded, visibly satisfied. Then, he stood up and grabbed a clean piece of clothing to give her. Cessilia frowned while receiving it. It was clearly a man’s tunic, much too long for her.

“For you to change into,” he said. “You’ll get sick if you sleep in these clothes, and... I don’t really trust my self-control if you end up naked.”

Just as he said that, he took off his own shoes, deliberately looking away. Cessilia tilted her head, a bit intrigued. He really wasn’t going to peek at all? She felt a bit dejected and a bit happy at the same time. Although they were going to spend the night together, it seemed like the King was resolute on really only sleeping together... She chuckled but changed into that piece of clothing anyway. The truth was, she had never been naked in front of a man, and felt nervous, even if Ashen really was turning away from her. Not only that, but a part of her was somewhat jealous of all those women who had done things with him in this bed before...