“Think out loud.”
That was a command uttered in that same low tone he used so often, but one he meant. Her gaze jumped to his face.
“Okay then, but I’m going to reiterate I’m uncomfortable sitting in your lap with you kissing my neck while I’m trying to figure out what’s really going on here.” She didn’t attempt to move but stated her preference.
“I get that, baby, but I think you need a little extra care and reassurance right now. This talk is far from over, and we need to get past a lot of hard issues.”
He sounded so sweet. As if what she thought and felt mattered to him. She was reluctant to tell him what she was thinking for two reasons. If she was correct, she would be shattered. If she was incorrect, it might hurt him.
“Azelie.”
Just her name but a clear prompt to get her talking. She sighed. “It has occurred to me that you started a relationship with me because I work for Billows, not because you were interested in me.”
Her stomach knotted in anticipation of his response. She knew the answer. She absolutely did.
Andrii’s fingers were firm on the nape of her neck, attempting to ease the tension out of her. He felt strong and safe when she knew better. She’d been such a complete idiot. She’d wanted to believe the fantasy, and she should have known better.
“Does it matter how you caught my interest when I ended up falling right off the cliff? You’re an astute, very intelligent woman. You have good instincts. What are those instincts telling you?”
“That I caught your interest because I work for Billows, and you’re very interested in him. That’s the reason you’re here with me now.”
“That’s hurt talking. Self-preservation. It isn’t what you know in your heart. Tell me the time we’ve spent together isn’t real for you. I’ll think you’re lying to us both, but you can say it if you really believe it.”
She parted her lips to respond, but he had already caught her chin and tilted her face up to his. His mouth came down on hers. It was a claiming. A branding. Not sweet and gentle, but a takeover. He demanded complete surrender. When he kissed her, her brain short-circuited. All thought vanished and there was only feeling. Pure feeling. Fire coursing through her. Need building rapidly. She was drowning in him. Immersing herself. Going over that cliff without looking first.
She found herself clinging to his shoulders, chasing his mouth when he lifted his head. He didn’t go far, just pressed his forehead to hers while looking her straight in the eye.
“Did that feel fake?” He took one hand and curled her palm around the thick, heavy erection he didn’t try to hide. “Does that feel fake?” He brushed soft kisses down her cheek to her jaw. “When I tell you things I’ve never told anyone, does it feel fake to you? Do you think I’m making it up for sympathy? Or to impress you? Just to get at your boss? Do you really believe that of me, Zelie? That I’m playing you?”
She didn’t believe it. That was the problem. She should. If she had an ounce of sense, she would, but he sounded so honest. So utterly truthful. He looked her straight in the eye. Everything about him screamed sincerity, yet the things he told her—and she believed—all pointed to him being right there with her because he was hunting Billows.
“Billows is a criminal.”
“He is.”
“You hunt criminals.”
“At times.”
“It stands to reason that you’re using me to get to Billows.”
His thumb slid over her lips, featherlight, but that brush of his hand set her heart pounding. She felt it as if it were a burning brand. She didn’t want to give him up, but she was concerned her heart was at war with her head.
“It makes perfect sense,” he agreed without hesitation. “But I’m not sitting in this apartment with you because of Billows. I’m here because I want you in my life permanently, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you there and keep you safe and happy.”
She did believe that he wanted to be there with her. She had to believe that. She would shatter into a million pieces if he was with her and such a good liar that she couldn’t read him. She’d been so careful to learn how to read other people, and she had to rely on her instincts. Her instincts told her that despite what Andrii said about himself, he was a good man.
She needed to drop the Billows question for now and wait until she could process better. There were other important things she needed to know about Andrii.
“Are you prone to violence?”
“Absolutely. I was raised with violence. If someone like Billows threatens my family or friends, my first thought is to make the world a better place and take him out. What I do not ever do is harm an innocent, and certainly not someone I care about. Having said that, you and I will need to come to several understandings. That’s why we’re talking now. You need to understand that while I would never harm you, that doesn’t mean if you got out of line, I wouldn’t punish you.”
“Out of line?” She echoed the one thing that she could safely address. He had alluded to punishments before, and she’d put that out of her mind. She knew they would be discussing it eventually, but she needed her wits about her. Talking about punishments on top of everything else was way too much.
“Out of line. Don’t listen when it comes to your safety. I told you that to function properly and safely in my world, I need control. That means I have to know the person I treasure most in the world is safe. I need to know she trusts me to keep her that way. And when I ask her to do something for me, it’s because I have my reasons and she trusts me enough to know that whatever is happening, I’ll explain when I can. Or maybe I’m asking something of you because I need reassurance that I matter.”
Azelie frowned. “You’re confusing me.”
“You won’t be confused. I’ll lay out the few rules we have, so if you break them, I’ll know you did so purposely. That earns you punishment.”
“I’m not a child, Andrii. I like to think for myself, not just follow someone blindly.” She meant it, and yet what he was asking for didn’t seem too big a deal—without the punishment part. Punishment wasn’t attractive at all in a relationship.
“I don’t want a puppet, Zelie. I think you already know that. I like the way you think. You have a good mind. You’re intelligent. You’re able to laugh at yourself, and you find situations with me amusing when others would be afraid. I love all that about you. I wouldn’t change anything at all. You want to tell me off because you think I’m wrong, you do it. But when I tell you something to do, such as don’t move from where you are because it isn’t safe, I expect you to follow orders, knowing I wouldn’t give you an order like that unless it was necessary.”
Her frown deepened. “I doubt you’re going to give me unreasonable orders, Andrii, most of the time. But I might screw up, and I’m not a woman who would find punishments sexy.”
“Punishments aren’t meant to be sexy. They’re meant to be reminders never to screw up again.”
“Exactly what would a punishment entail?”
He didn’t flinch or look away. “You over my knee. It won’t be erotic or sexy. It would hurt, but we’ll both know you won’t forget the lesson.”
“Spankings may sound hot in a book, Andrii, but I wouldn’t like it.” She was absolutely certain of that. Absolutely.
“You aren’t supposed to like it. You’re supposed to remember to do as you’re told.”
Her heart was back to pounding. Hard. “What if you get out of control?”
