Again, she looked up at him so he would see that improving herself meant something to her. She needed to feel empowered when for so long after her sister and the children had been murdered, when she’d been shot by a man who had helped to raise her, she felt worthless, alone and unsure of everyone and everything.
“I can help with that. You want to make decisions regarding our home, your school, your clothing—except when we’re going out—I have no problem with that.” He continued to cup her face with gentle fingers, holding her gaze captive with his. “Say yes.”
“I want you to explain why you need these things from me, Andrii. It has to make some kind of sense when commitment for me is so scary.”
“You commit to me, and I’ll tell you as much as I can about myself. Anything you ask, I’ll answer when I can, but I must have your word that you’re in this with me all the way. Say yes. Be mine. I swear you won’t regret it.”
Her breath left her lungs in a rush. She couldn’t look away from his compelling eyes. She forced herself to breathe. To think. No matter that he admitted to being trained as an assassin, she believed that he hunted criminals—ones falling through the cracks of the justice system. He found young children and women trafficked and freed them. Was what he did wrong? Probably. Vigilante justice wasn’t a good thing, yet every instinct she had told her he was a good man. He hadn’t exactly answered her when she asked him point-blank if he had approached her because she worked for Billows, but she had to admit that his question was a good one. What did it matter how he found her if what they had was the real thing?
She wanted to take the chance with him, when she’d never wanted to be with any man. The thought hadn’t entered her head that she would ever trust someone enough to take that chance. But when she was with him, she found herself falling more and more under his spell.
She wanted to know about his past, what made him the way he was. She recognized that both of them had suffered trauma and at their core didn’t trust anyone. Yet she found herself wanting to trust him. She wanted him to be able to trust her. Would it be so bad to at least try?
She started to nod, but he shook his head.
“Say it to me. Out loud. Speak it to me and the universe. Mean it, Azelie. Make that commitment to us.”
“Yes.” The word came out strangled. There were so many reasons to say no and very few to say yes.
“That’s my brave woman.”
The moment he gave her praise, she found herself responding even more to him. Was she so screwed up that having a man compliment her was all it took for her to want to give herself to him? She was agreeing to a relationship when she had no idea what that actually entailed. Azelie was caught in his spell despite her brain telling her to be cautious. To go very slow.
Andrii bent his head toward hers and her breath caught in her lungs. His kisses were killer. She wanted to get lost in his kisses, so she wouldn’t have to think too much about what she’d just done. To her disappointment, he brushed his lips on the tip of her nose and released her. As he leaned back, his hand slid down her arm, causing a flurry of hot little sparks of electricity to dance over her skin. His fingers settled around her wrist, a bracelet, a handcuff, a tie between them.
THIRTEEN
“It’s important that I disclose as much about myself to you as possible,” Maestro said. “I know you’re wondering why I’m so fucked up.”
Azelie’s eyes widened. “I don’t think you’re…well…messed up.”
Maestro had to smile. How could he not? Most girls had no problem using foul language. It was second nature to him. It was to the other club members. Only Preacher was careful with his language because he had always looked after Lana, his younger sister, but even Preacher swore sometimes. Maestro thought it was hilarious that his woman couldn’t say fuck.
He brought her palm to his thigh again and slid his thumb over the back of her hand, maintaining contact. “I don’t talk to anyone about my past. I don’t think it serves much purpose, but you’re committing to us, willing to build a relationship with me. That means you hear about my past. I’m warning you, like yours, it isn’t pretty.”
He’d mentioned his mother’s betrayal and briefly spoken of the school he’d been taken to, but there was no way she could understand him if he didn’t give her the entire story. It wouldn’t be fair to her if he didn’t give her something of himself. She deserved to know whatever he could share with her.
His thumb slid over the back of her hand a second time. “I’m saying again, baby, the things done to me in my past aren’t for the faint of heart. If you’d prefer me to stay silent on the subject, I’m down with that, but understanding me will take some serious work.”
“I want to know whatever you’re willing to share with me, Andrii.”
Bog. Those eyes of hers. He could stare into them every day and never get enough. Drown in them. He saw that look on her face and wanted to keep it there forever. No one had ever looked at him like that in his life. He saw the beginnings of love in her eyes. It was there, stark and real—for him. He didn’t deserve that emotion from her, but he was determined to work every day to make himself into a better man for her.
“I told you my mother sold me so she could get her drugs.” He found himself doing what was natural, what he’d trained himself to do from a very early age—distancing himself from the story he was telling her. He did so when he lived through it and whenever his mind insisted on returning to those memories. Mostly, he had closed that door and refused to open it. For her, he would.
Azelie deserved to know exactly what she would be dealing with. He understood her trauma even more than she realized. His club had researched her very carefully. Code was thorough. She didn’t have that same advantage when it came to him. She would have to rely on whatever he chose to tell her. Maestro wanted her to know him intimately. To be able to accept him as he was, flaws and all. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t keep trying to overcome his failings, but he wanted—even needed—acceptance from her.
“What I didn’t tell you is that I was barely able to walk when she started using me to get what she wanted. She had a sister, my aunt Anna, who was a year older. I thought Anna really cared about me. She fought with my mother all the time and eventually gave my mother money to allow Anna to keep me. That’s when my life really turned into a nightmare.”
Azelie gasped, her eyes widening with shock. “Both your mother and aunt?” She whispered it as if the treachery of their betrayal was too much to believe.
Maestro had watched Zelie for weeks before he made his move on her. She had been drawn to children. Laughing with them, playing, watching over them. Children who weren’t even hers. It hadn’t mattered to her. As a mother, she would be a fierce little thing, protecting her children—and him—with everything in her.
At first, he hadn’t believed. He’d looked for ulterior motives. No woman could ever be that filled with sunshine, enough that she shared her light with everyone she came across. She seemed to look after the older people in the coffeehouse. She was the same with the owners. She nurtured others. Soothed them. Brought them serenity.
He knew she didn’t see herself like that, a woman others gravitated toward. Since she’d lost her family, she held part of herself aloof. Because she was a naturally giving person, it made her feel guilty that she didn’t give all of herself to others. Reporters and police had made her leery of sharing her story with anyone. He didn’t think she realized just how much of herself she did give. The peace she brought people. The joy. The sunshine.
Billows was addicted to her. He might be a moody bastard, and it may have taken him time to realize she’d grown up, but he didn’t want to give her up. Now that Azelie was in college full-time and around more men, it had probably occurred to Billows he might lose her. That didn’t sit well, so he did what he always did—threatened and bullied to get his way.
Maestro realized threatening Azelie wasn’t the best way to get her attention. If Billows had taken the time to get to know her, he would see bullying her would never work. Billows was used to dismissing women, using them for his business to make a crapload of money. Any man involved in human trafficking had zero respect for women. Having Billows’ attention centered on Azelie was extremely dangerous for her. Having his man, McGrady, watching her every move was becoming annoying. Maestro intended to make certain Billows wanted to get rid of his spy.
“Andrii, you don’t have to continue if the memories are too painful,” she said softly.
He realized he’d taken too long with his introspection. He bunched her hair in his fist and tugged until she leaned closer to him. “I learned at a very young age not to believe anything a woman told me. My aunt had a business, and she was very sadistic. Her friends were sadistic. She pretended that she would take care of me and even went so far as to tell me how terrible my mother was, but she was far worse.”
Her eyes went liquid. For him. Those tears were real on his behalf. She shook her head. “That’s so wrong. A mother is supposed to protect and care for her children. Your aunt should have too. I don’t blame you for not believing in women.”
“Had it ended there, I may have survived intact.” He doubted it, but who knew what little kids blocked out? Being sold to pedophiles? He didn’t think so, but he wasn’t around children other than Czar’s and Steele’s. Every one of Czar’s children had been rescued from a trafficking ring or pedophile. They were traumatized but working their way through it. Steele’s son had been kidnapped and subjected to beatings at a very early age. He had escaped the worst of what could have happened because the club was able to rescue him. He didn’t point out that Azelie’s drunken mother hadn’t taken care of her either. She didn’t need that reminder; he knew she was very aware of it.
“My aunt supplied children to a man named Sorbacov. He was very high up in the government. He worked for the president and wielded a great deal of power. He was married and had children. Few knew of his proclivities, including the fact that like my aunt, he was a sadist. I was too young to recognize what a sadist was. I only knew they hurt me, and I couldn’t trust any of them.”
“Andrii,” she whispered his name, a small sob in her voice. She tightened her fingers on his thigh.
He needed that reassurance from her. Her touch kept him anchored in reality. He didn’t slip back into those childhood memories of pure torture. He stayed disconnected from the past and remained with her—with Azelie. His light in the interminable darkness he had lived in for so long.
“Sorbacov must have felt Anna was too greedy. Whatever the reason, he summoned my mother and Anna to a meeting and offered to purchase me from them. I could hear lies by that time. I was very young, but I already had that gift, mostly from self-preservation, not because I was so talented. I didn’t understand what he wanted from them or from me, but I knew that he wasn’t telling them the truth. I should have tried to warn them, but I knew if I opened my mouth I would have been beaten severely.”
