RECONNECTING WITH MY SOUL
Staying committed to caring for my physical and emotional needs each day opened up a whole new world for me. Instead of looking outward to others for answers, I realized that I could look inward and trust myself more than I could any external source. I uncovered a place of intuition deep inside me—an internal compass that I could rely on to determine what served my best interests and the best interests of my relationships.
Accessing this inner guidance helped me identify what I really needed, wanted, and believed. It enabled me to reconnect with my authentic Self or soul, a part of me that didn’t just live inside me but created an outward vibrational energy that interacted with the whole world around me.
Just as we all have physical and emotional needs, our soul has spiritual needs. Our spiritual needs include:
Embracing our unique identity and significance in the world. We are able to celebrate what we’re good at without feeling bad about the things that don’t come naturally.
Feeling truly connected. We are able to be vulnerable with others so that they can sense our unique authentic Self as much as we can sense theirs.
Choosing what’s in our own best interest without pressure, force, or coercion. We are able to respectfully honor our own needs and desires while giving others the space to do the same.
Learning, seeing, and experiencing new things. We are able to cultivate unique curiosities and inherent interests and desires to help expand ourselves and those around us.
Fully expressing ourselves and trusting in the security of our connections and relationships. We are able to feel joined or connected with others, and, ultimately, all of creation (stay tuned for more information on our powerful connection to the earth itself).
To better meet my spiritual needs, I spent more and more time looking inward, creating moments to check in and reconnect with myself. I began to set aside moments throughout the day to sign off social media and work through the discomfort of learning how to embrace free, unstructured time to relax and be with myself without distractions. Over time, I started to spend longer periods of time with myself, taking myself on small dates and exploring different activities I liked to do just for me, like discovering new foods, exploring new destinations, and being in nature.
A ROAD MAP TO RECONNECTING WITH YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF
Your journey back to your authentic Self will look different from mine. You experienced your own unique childhood conditioning and developed specific coping strategies as a result, which have been shaped by the events and relationships you’ve had since you were young. You have your own distinct vibrational energy that interacts with the world around you, creating an essence—your soul—that is unique to you.
Though your healing journey will be one of a kind, the stops you will make on your journey will be the same as mine and those of everyone else reading this book. Because we’re all human, we all have the same basic universal needs. And we all have to meet these needs in the same order, addressing each sequentially.
We can learn to listen to our body and meet our physical needs.
We can learn to become consciously aware of our conditioned or habitual thoughts, emotions, and reactions so we can make new decisions that will better serve our authentic Self.
Finally, we can locate and learn to trust our intuition, reconnect with our soul, and manifest our unique essence or energy in the world.
FULFILLING YOUR AUTHENTIC NEEDS
Why does the sequence of your healing journey matter so much? Because we can’t truly heal our relationships and evolve as individual beings until our body feels both physically and emotionally safe. If you’re chronically dehydrated, sleep deprived, malnourished, or have other unmet physical needs, you won’t have the energy or ability to work on yourself or your relationships. If you don’t feel safe and secure enough to express your emotions, you won’t be able to authentically connect with others. If you can’t authentically connect with others, you won’t be able to easefully be yourself, freely experience joyful play, tap into your inherent creativity, find your purpose, or feel truly fulfilled.
What I’m referring to is our hierarchy of needs, a concept first introduced in 1943 by the psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow, which helps us understand human motivation. Though Maslow’s hierarchy included five tiers of needs—physiological (physical), safety (personal, health, job security), love and belonging (friends, family, intimacy), esteem (self-respect, status), and what he called “self-actualization” (achieving our full potential)—I’ve simplified it to three foundational layers in what I call the “authentic needs pyramid,” which you may remember if you read my workbook, How to Meet Your Self.
Your Authentic Needs Checklist
Most of us are disconnected from our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs as a result of our childhood conditioning so it’s important to first notice which needs we’re currently not satisfying. Take a moment to explore the following checklist, being as honest and objective with yourself as possible as you consider the following questions and mark the response(s) that most accurately reflect your current experience:
DO I FEED MY BODY THE NUTRIENTS IT NEEDS?
_______ I listen to my body, eating when it’s hungry and stopping when it’s full.
_______ I choose foods that make me feel full and energized (whenever they’re available).
_______ I am aware of the foods that make me feel lethargic, jumpy, or otherwise unwell and avoid them (whenever possible).
_______ I typically feel mentally alert and sharp.
DO I MOVE MY BODY?
_______ I find ways to move my body a bit each day.
_______ I know when my body needs to rest or take a break, and I allow myself that rest.
_______ I feel the sensations of my muscles contracting and expanding.
_______ I notice shifts in my body and its energy feels when I move as opposed to when I don’t.
DO I GIVE MY BODY ENOUGH REST?
_______ I fall asleep quickly after getting into bed.
_______ I am able to sleep through the night without waking up (or when I do wake, I can easily fall back asleep).
_______ I wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.
_______ I notice when a lack of sleep affects my moods and behavior.
CAN I DEAL WITH STRESS?
_______ I am aware of how the people in my life impact my stress level.
_______ I am aware of how the content I consume (social media, news, entertainment) impacts my stress level.
