Speckles of light snuck through the jagged spaces between the overhead leaves, raining sunlight upon us. Through the brush I caught a glimpse of the open gardens. Tall sunflowers, so easy to spot from a distance, waved in the breeze.
I wasn’t sure why I asked it. Probably because Evander and I were alone, away from prying ears, and though I was to be his wife, I wasn’t confident of how many more moments like this we would get.
“How did he die?”
Evander went still. The fae kind of still, like a leopard waiting to strike.
I got the instant urge to apologize, but I bit my lip, allowing the silence to linger between us. It wasn’t simple curiosity that had me asking.
It was the way he’d talked earlier, of needing to numb himself to the pain of his brother’s loss. It was the way there was a mystery surrounding his brother’s death, one the papers could only speculate about.
Secrets were venom. And Evander had a secret.
Finally, he sighed, tucking his hands behind his head without looking at me.
Then, with less emotion than I thought possible, he told me.
“Jerad never celebrated himself. It didn’t matter how far he advanced in the military, how many medals he received. He never let himself have any fun. His birthday rolled around, and we hadn’t celebrated it in years, so I hounded him until he went camping with me. He never drank. Always said it made him feel vulnerable. But I convinced him, kept pushing the ale on him until neither of us could put a foot in front of the other. Or so I thought.” He ran a hand through his hair, still looking straight ahead. “When I woke up the next morning, he was gone. I thought he’d gone to relieve himself or something, but when I called his name…” He swallowed, his voice eerily even.
My pulse raced, my stomach aching, and I opened my mouth to tell him he didn’t have to finish the story if he didn’t want to, but he simply said, “I found him at the bottom of a ravine.”
Horror gripped me, and I couldn’t help but clamp my hand over my mouth.
“He was dead,” he added, as if that needed to be said. “I guess he wandered off in the middle of the night and was too drunk to realize he’d come to a ledge.”
I didn’t know what to say, couldn’t formulate words. But I couldn’t just do nothing. At least, my body didn’t seem to think so, because before I knew what I was doing, I had wrapped my fingers into his.
He blinked, clearly surprised, and stared down at our interlocked hands.
Embarrassed, I made to take my hand back, but he only gripped it tighter. Not tight enough to hurt. More like a plea than a command.
“Don’t bother telling me it’s not my fault. The people who know what actually happened—my father’s advisors—they’re always saying that. That it wasn’t my fault. Funny thing is, I never said that it was.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
His sea-green eyes finally flickered over to me, and a pained smile broke the edges of his lips. “Well, at least you’re honest with me.”
I frowned. “That’s not what I meant. I only meant that it wouldn’t do you any good. You’re going to blame yourself whether it’s rational to or not.”
He exhaled a long breath. “How optimistic of you to say.” But then he smiled, more genuinely this time. “It is refreshing, though. That you get that.”
“What do you think your brother would think about the situation, if he were here to talk to you about it?”
“I don’t think he’d exactly be happy about being dead.”
“I know. But what would he say about your part in it?”
Evander leaned up against a nearby tree, taking my hand swinging in his as he did.
He didn’t let go.
Then he closed his eyes, straining a smile. “He’d probably say, ‘This is what I get for breaking the rules.’ Claim that he should have known better or something. He was always complaining about that. About all the crap I pulled without getting caught, where if he snuck an extra roll from the dinner table, Mother would sniff it out.”
We didn’t talk much after that, and only when the sun began to set and a chill began to sweep through the forest did he slip his hand from mine.
Evander returned me to my rooms, and my heart sank a bit as I watched him unlock the door with the heavy brass key. As was his custom, he’d borrowed it from Blaise before he invited me on the walk, and as was her custom, she’d threatened him within an inch of his life if he didn’t bring it back.
Apparently Blaise didn’t have much confidence that Imogen would let her use her copy of the key should she need it.
Of course, Imogen had arrived at my door soon after Evander came to get me, so it hadn’t ended up mattering.
The lock clicked, and the door swung open.
I entered my room, noting the bright swaths of sunlight that brightened the blue wallpaper and shimmered against my silver bedspread.
Evander lingered, propping himself against the doorpost. He crossed his arms, the deep cut of the muscles of his forearms visible where he’d rolled up his sleeves.
“What is it?” I asked, suddenly suspicious of the careful way he was eyeing me.
“Promise you’ll stay?” was all he asked, his sea-green eyes gleaming as his voice deepened an octave.
My mouth went dry, my lips fumbling for words. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
He shrugged, and it was as if I’d imagined the intensity in his stare. He dangled the key before me, its metallic sheen gleaming in the light coming in from the window. “I mean if I leave this here, you won’t run off, will you?”
I went to snatch the key, but he caught my wrist with his free hand. As fast as he’d grabbed me, his touch was just as gentle as he pressed the key into my palm.
I found it was difficult to breathe.
