I jerk my head backward. “Pardon?”

“Why does it matter what she wanted to do? It seems to me that you should be more concerned about what she did do, and that was find a way to keep you—you, Nox—alive.”

“It matters because she wanted him. Can’t you see why that might bother me?”

“You’re allowed to be bothered,” she says. “But being bothered and refusing to go back and get her are two different things.”

I let out a huff, because it’s the only reaction I’m able to have toward my sister. Apparently, quite little has changed.

“Listen, I’ve lived quite a few lives by this point, and though apparently none of them meant anything, and all my pain, loss, grief, and sacrifice have been utterly pointless, since all I was ever supposed to do was take notes, I’ve at least learned a bit about people. And if I’ve learned anything, anything at all, it’s that there are few people who are willing to put their feelings aside for the people they love. And if you happen to be the person they’re willing to do that for, then you had better be willing to cross realms to find them. You’d also better be willing to overlook what they might have wanted to do during a time of extreme stress and mental anguish.”

I stare at my sister in a bit of shock.

“Okay,” I say, swallowing my pride. “So where do you think this eyelet actually is?”

She nods toward the intricate webs again. I look, closer this time, and notice that the cave wall behind the spider silk has an effervescent quality. It glistens, just slightly, and if I focus, I can glimpse the edges of a distortion.

“So we just…step through?” I ask, not sure how I feel about stepping through a cavern wall that’s not actually a wall.

“Well, you step through, yes.”

I spin on my sister.

She bites her lip, swinging her interlocked hands behind her back. “Did I not mention that I’m not going with you?”

“What do you mean, you’re not going with me?”

My words rattle the cavern, echoing off the glistening walls. My hands are shaking, though if it’s in anticipation of seeing Blaise again or frustration at my sister, I’m not sure.

“I mean that I’m not going with you. You know, if you would stop asking what I mean all the time and just start taking my words at face value, it would save you a lot of breath.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing the bridge of my nose. It’s a habit I picked up from my bloodlust headaches, a malady I suppose I’m returning to as soon as I step through this eyelet.

Without my sister.

Because apparently she’s changed her mind.

Either that, or she’s been lying to me from the beginning.

“Allow me to rephrase,” I say, taking a steadying breath. “Why are you not coming?”

“Maybe I have a crush on your creepy body-snatching friend and I’d like to stick around to get to know him,” Zora says.

I level her a deadpan expression.

“Okay, fine. I’m just not done here, that’s all. I’ll find another eyelet. Follow you later. I’ll wake up. You’ll throw a party. I suppose. Though I don’t really hear you talking about friends that are still alive, so maybe you won’t.”

“You’re not ready.”

Zora exhales a huff of air, causing her cheeks to billow out. Then she lifts her shoulders, her palms face up to the ceiling. “I’m not ready.”

Sorrow threatens to squeeze my heart. I’m not ready, either. Not ready to let my sister go, not when I just got her back.

“Oh, don’t look so forlorn,” she says, punching me in the side of the shoulder. “You’re looking at me like you’ll never see me again.”

“I thought you’d decided there wasn’t a purpose to you being here. To you living these lives. That Gunter sending you here to gather information undermined all that,” I say.

“Yeah, well,” she says, picking at a loose thread hanging from the tip of her sleeve, her eyes downcast as she shuffles her weight between her feet. “Maybe I don’t accept that.”

I open my mouth to tell her that whether she accepts it or not doesn’t change reality, but when she lifts her chin and meets my gaze, there’s an iron will in her expression that could level fortresses.

“All right. But you are finding that eyelet. And you are coming back home. If not for me, then at least to meet Blaise. Though now that I think of it, it’s probably best you don’t end up in the same room.”

A wry smile tints her expression. “No promises.”

I consider hugging her, but the last time I did that she wriggled out of my embrace. I suppose I have to understand. She doesn’t remember our childhood like I do.

So instead I ruffle her hair, and she squirms out from under that, too, though more in annoyance than discomfort, which is somehow more comfortable for me, too.

“Bye for now,” she says.

I almost choke on the words. “Bye for now.”

I turn to step through the eyelet, but as I do, Zora grasps onto my arm and yanks on it, pulling me backwards as she buries her head into my chest, her cropped hair tickling the tip of my nose, threatening to make me sneeze.

“Bye for now,” she whispers again.

I don’t have the strength to say it again as I step out from her embrace and toward home.

CHAPTER 40

NOX

The eyelet knows I’m coming.

Where before, the cave wall appeared as a rather convincing illusion, the eyelet now curves in shadowy waves before me, smoky tendrils coming out from behind its depths. It certainly doesn’t look like a way back home. For some reason, I was expecting a portal overflowing with light.

I close my eyes and clench my fists, preparing to step through. If Blaise can take on the darkness to save me, then I can walk through it to get to her.

I reach out, as if I can close my grip around the shadows and pull myself through rather than allow myself to be pulled by it.

My fingers have almost grazed the shadows when Zora screams.

Her shriek has me spinning on my heel, my instincts driving me to rip to shreds whatever has caused my sister harm.

“It doesn’t look like you’d expect it to, does it?”

Farin’s voice is cold, but his eyes are shimmering with a boyish excitement. “The Rip I’m familiar with appeared as a ray of light with no origin. But I suppose this isn’t a Rip, now is it?”