I struggled to keep my distance from Venus, to view her only as a fellow family member. I didn’t know how long I could continue because my attraction to her grew daily, and I felt myself drawn to her as if by the universe itself. I loved Sunny and promised it was only her and I forever. I needed to keep that promise, to be honorable, but I wasn’t sure if I would, or could, but I knew it was so important to Sunny. The pull I felt toward Venus was electric, just as it was for Sunny. How could I ignore something so powerful? If the universe spoke to me in such a direct way, how could I not answer its call?
Sunny walked out of the house and joined me by the pool. She wore her yellow bikini.
“Where were you?” I asked.
“Talking to Raindrop,” she said in a low voice.
“Again? What’s going on with you two?”
Sunny looked at me, indecision covering her beautiful face.
“Tell me,” I said.
She motioned for me to follow her into the guesthouse and closed the door behind her. She stared at me.
“Raindrop wants to leave Listening Lark.” She paused. “And get away from Brother Jim.”
“What?” I yelled in total surprise. “I hope you’re trying to talk her out of it!”
She shushed me and shook her head. “No, why would I? He’s terrible to her. You should see all the bruises he leaves on her. And she’s in love with River.”
“What the fuck, Sunny,” I said, pacing the floor. “If she leaves, we leave too. She’s not going to want us staying in her guesthouse.”
“I know,” she replied. “But we’ll move back to your grandmother’s house, or maybe the new house.”
Anger surged through me. “I don’t want to do that. I love living here.”
“You should talk to your cousin. He should not be abusing women like that,” she said in a sharp voice.
“I agree, but he won’t listen to me.”
“Maybe we should go to the police,” she suggested, looking at me with questioning eyes.
“No!” I roared, a bit louder than I intended. I grabbed her arm and squeezed hard, intentionally. “No cops!”
“Dream,” she snapped, pulling her arm away. “You’re hurting me.”
“I’m sorry.” I wrapped my arms gently around her. “Please, no cops. We’ll figure this out.”
She hugged me back but watched me carefully. I had surprised her again, like that day in the mountains, I knew. I’d done such a good job at maintaining balance, maintaining calm, ignoring those whispers of rage still lurking within me. I was a different man now, wasn’t I? Another peek of that part of me I kept hidden during our time together. I could feel myself lose control, bit by bit, that last week or so. Venus, now this, I needed to get back to my peaceful state. The past would not return.
I lived in the here and now.
THIRTY-NINE2023
Aimee
“Thank you,” I said, handing a full bag to the customer. “We’ll see you in the spring.” We were finishing up our big sale, fifty percent off all items in the store, during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. The store would close over the winter and reopen in April. Most of the merchandise had sold, only a few straggling items remaining. Whatever was left, I’d send home with Rachel.
I looked forward to having a few months off. I wanted to try making jewelry, and if I was any good, I could sell my creations in the store. I’d start simple with bracelets and see how it went. Maybe expand to necklaces and earrings.
“The sale was a success,” Rachel remarked. A spring of loose hair escaped her bonnet, and she shoved it back.
“Definitely,” I said. “Almost done here and we’ll close for the year. Will you come back and work for me in April?”
“Yeah, I will,” she replied. “I’m going to miss coming here. It will be a boring winter and I’m on rumspringa.”
“You are?” I looked at her. “I thought when Amish kids go on rumspringa they go to the big city to party and do whatever they want to do.”
“Some do. Three of my friends got an apartment in Philly. One went to New York with her sister; but I don’t want to go to a city. I did go shopping and bought some English clothes. It was fun wearing jeans, sneakers, and a tank top!” Rachel giggled.
“You wild woman,” I teased, good-naturedly. Rachel was a sweet girl. For her, wearing a tank top was risqué and edgy. I couldn’t imagine what she’d think about my time in the commune.
“Archie and I are having a New Year’s Eve party,” I said. “You’re invited if you’d like to come. I can drive you, and you’re welcome to stay overnight if you like. There will be drinking though, so if you do want to leave, you’ll have to have someone pick you up.”
“Oh, a real New Year’s Eve party with champagne?” Rachel’s eyes lit up. “Yes, I want to come, and I’ll stay overnight. May I bring my friend Mary?”
“Sure,” I replied. “And, yes, there will be champagne.”
It had been Archie’s idea to host a party, and I was getting excited about it. Nothing big, we’d invited about ten people, a few from Archie’s school, Margie and her fiancé—we’d got to know each other better after Robin’s death—Rachel and her friend, oh and John, unfortunately.
“What will I wear?” Rachel asked excitedly. “I’ll have to go shopping!”
“You know what? Let’s close early and go shopping in Elmville,” I suggested.
“Okay, let’s go!” Rachel exclaimed. “I’m taking off my bonnet too!” She unpinned it and her long hair spilled out, tumbling around her shoulders.
New Year’s Eve was a twinkle of shiny lights, warm house, and the foggy glow only too many glasses of champagne can induce. I topped off my glass and snagged a piece of cheese from the large charcuterie board on our kitchen island.
