Locked out.

Locked out of her heart.

I took a deep breath. Calmness and balance. Calmness and balance. I repeated the words in my mind.

“Sunny, please open the door,” I called.

“Go away, Dream!” she yelled from inside. “I don’t want to talk to you!”

Anger flared inside of me. A brief flicker. “Let’s just talk. I was wrong,” I said; an edge had crept into my voice. “But you were too.”

“I didn’t cheat on you! And you hurt me! How could you?” Sunny screamed behind the door. “Get out of here. I don’t want to see you!”

My body tensed. The flickers of anger grew stronger inside me. So familiar. Like last time.

“Let me in!” I screamed, banging on the door. “Let me in the damn door!”

Silence from the other side. Nothing, which further infuriated me. Didn’t she care about us? About me? Why couldn’t she even talk to me?

I kicked the door, over and over again, and continued to pound on it. “If you don’t open this door, I’ll break it down! We have to talk!”

Strong hands pulled me back, away from the door.

“Stop it, Dream,” River yelled at me. “Go back to your house. This isn’t helping.”

I was sweating now and felt dizzy from all the emotions swirling inside me. I looked at River, his jaw set firmly, his words stern. What was I doing? This type of behavior would not win Sunny back.

I went back to Grandmother’s house.

When I got back home, I tossed and turned in my bed most of the night, alone. I had told Venus yesterday I needed some time alone. I hadn’t thought all of this through. I hadn’t thought at all. If Sunny didn’t forgive me, what would I do? How could I earn her trust back? I still held a slight hope she would come back to me. Maybe me and Venus. After all I am a dreamer.

No, that was only a dream. She never would. Would she?

She texted me four days later.

Pick me up tomorrow at 11:00. We’ll go to the mountains to talk. I’ll bring a picnic lunch. Bring Venus too.

Oh, wow. She wanted to talk to Venus, too? I typed.

Are you sure? Maybe we should talk alone first?

Three dots.

If this is going to work, we need to communicate. All three of us.

Relief flooded me. Oh, it was happening, really happening. This was really going to work out for me. For us. All of us.

FIFTY-THREE2017

The Commune

Sunny

I can’t say I was surprised when I walked in on Dream and Venus. Shocked, yes, but not surprised. The moment I knew he was attracted to her, I felt the shift. He wanted both of us. Dream always got what he wanted.

He was so furious with me about the fiasco with Raindrop. I understood that leaving the guesthouse was a disappointment. I loved it there too, but it wasn’t ours. It wasn’t like we were homeless; we had a nice home at his grandmother’s house. And calling the cops? He never told me anything specific about his past, nor did I, so how should I know I put him at risk by calling them? I was only trying to help Raindrop. She was my friend.

But I’d never witnessed him so consumed with anger. As if he was a different person, not the loving, carefree dreamer I fell in love with, but a hateful, vengeful man I didn’t recognize.

Except I did recognize this type of man.

But I would never have imagined Dream fit into that category.

I was so thankful for my friendship with Raindrop. She let me move back into the guesthouse for as long as I liked. It was different living there without Dream, without the other family members. And Raindrop and River were so happy together. I was happy for both of them.

Dream wasn’t the first man to break my heart. No, that honor went to my father. He was a man who had held odd parallel values; on one hand he valued the importance of me being able to defend myself. He took me with him target shooting every Sunday afternoon. He was a cop and needed to keep his skill sharp. I started going with him at age thirteen, and in a couple years my shooting skills outshone his, much to his delight.

On the other hand, he was an abusive SOB toward my timid mother. She used to be a secretary at the police station and that’s how they met, then she quickly became pregnant with me. Don’t you love how people say “She got pregnant” as if she did it herself? What a ridiculous phrase. This was a line I heard repeatedly from my father that “She got pregnant” and trapped him. Then he’d punch her in the face, the side, or slip his hands around her neck and squeeze.

I would never be with someone like my father.

Dream wasn’t like my father, was he?

Or was I as passive as my mother and ignored what I didn’t want to see?

I would not be like my mother, either.

Dream pulled the van into Raindrop’s driveway right on time. Venus sat in the passenger side. I walked over to the van, picnic basket in hand, and she jumped out and moved to the backseat. Well, at least we had a hierarchy.

I settled into the seat and met Dream’s gaze. I had lost myself in those dark eyes so many times. His long, thick hair was wild today. Bed head. I knew what that meant.

“Hi, Dream,” I said in a neutral tone.

“Hi, Sunny.” He smiled, and moved to kiss me. I turned away.

“Let’s have our conversation first,” I replied.

I turned to look at Venus in the back seat. She was wearing a pink tank top and khaki shorts with hiking sandals, similar to my current outfit. “Hi, Venus.”

“Hi, Sunny,” she said in a quiet voice.

Her warm brown eyes studied me. Jealousy aside, I could see what Dream saw in her. She was lovely. And by the look in her eyes, I sensed she wanted my approval. She wanted the same as Dream.

A throuple.

This would be an interesting day.

We drove the short distance to the entrance to the hiking path we normally took. The sun hung high, but a pleasant breeze broke the heat of the late morning. We hiked in mostly silence, the only talk being a mention of the weather or the yellow wildflowers that bloomed along the rocks in one area that received abundant sun. Finally, we reached the vista where we’d often held our morning chanting. It was in an isolated area that saw few visitors. We were the only ones there.