Then, vixen that she is, she slinks a hand under my T-shirt and lays her palm flat against my stomach. Her fingers trace my skin. It feels too fucking good in public.
“See you soon, Christian.” Lightly, she grazes her nails down my abs, turning me on everywhere. “Can’t wait.”
“You’re killing me,” I murmur as my brain charges full-speed ahead, picturing getting her under me.
“I know, and you like this kind of slow, exquisite torture.” She dusts her lips against my neck then nips my earlobe.
I grab her harder, yank her closer. “You like it too.”
When she pulls back, she wiggles her eyebrows. “Of course I do. I love it.”
She waves then heads underground and off to the other side of the city. On this side, I’ll be thinking in great and lurid detail about her wandering hands, and how long I have to wait until they torture me once more.
10ELISE
The next night I receive a text, asking me if I want to go to a tea salon on Friday night.
I laugh out loud, writing back as I take a break from tending to the garden in my small front yard.
Elise: You’re actually inviting me to tea?
Christian: Yes, since you’re avoiding date-like things.
Elise: And a tea salon is unromantic?
Christian: I think it’s about as unromantic as we can get. Otherwise, I could take you to the grocery store. But as much as I like you, I don’t really want to go to the grocery store.
Elise: Why do you like me so much? Is it because you haven’t had me?
Christian: Do you expect me to like you less after I have you?
Elise: Of course not.
Christian: I like you for many reasons, but you’ve made it clear you have no interest in romance, and I want to give you what you want.
As I sit cross-legged in the soft emerald grass at my home on a curvy street in Montmartre, I trace my finger over the message, letting those last few words linger. What do I want from a man? What do I want from this man?
I’ve told him I don’t want romance. I’ve made it clear I don’t believe in fate. I can’t let myself go to those places. They are cities where I’m no longer welcome, towns where I can’t find my way. If I went there, I might get lost and never be found again.
But what do I want from him?
I sigh, turning to the sunshine-yellow tulips that frame my home. They’re bursting with color, making peacocks of their golden hues, their bright orange tones, their summer shades.
These flowers seem certain. They’re so deliberate in their colors, so spectacular in their showiness. But I don’t know how to capture that kind of certainty anymore. I do want something from him. But is it merely physical? Is it simply that I feel a delicious spark every time I’m near him? Lord knows the man drives me wild. Being near him is a complete and absolute turn-on, and his flirtiness melts me from head to toe.
Is that what I want? A naughty, wild fling? Is that enough? Is it ever enough?
I trim the garden more, but as I ensure no petal is out of place, I’m not sure I have any answers to my questions.
Or rather, the only answer I have is a simple one.
I want him. He entertains me. He makes me laugh. He keeps me on my toes. But he also hasn’t asked more of me than I’m willing to give.
I won’t scoop out a portion of my heart or mind that can be stolen again. As a woman who slid into the full-blown madness of a wild, dangerous love not so long ago, I don’t know that a fling could be enough. But I also know it’s all I’ll allow.
I want borders, and I bet he’s a man who respects the boundaries on a map.
I grab my phone and write back.
Elise: I like everything you’ve given so far.
Christian: Fantastic. Then, would you rather I take you to the bank? I suppose I could see if the post office is open on a Friday night. Maybe we could pick up toiletries at the pharmacy as another option.
I crack up as I sit in the grass, tapping a reply.
Elise: You forgot laundry. We could do laundry.
Christian: Ah, but that sounds dirty.
Elise: Dirty, but not romantic.
Christian: I’m trying to behave. And look at you, being naughty.
Elise: I suppose I shouldn’t wear that short red skirt I had in mind, then.
Christian: How short?
Elise: So short it should be illegal.
